Author: hulda98

 28 th of May

The social media is the communication road during these days,

When I was threatened some months ago I decided to unfriend almost all of my Icelandic friends on Facebook.

Later I changed the information on the platform and hid all the personal info, among others the date of birth.

Last year I had my birthday on the 22^nd of May and got more than 200 birthday wishes.

This year I had my birthday on the 22^nd of May and got not one birthday wish.

This showed to me how all the likes and comments on the social media are meaningless.

Some think that the more friends and followers you have got on the media the more friends you have. Seriously, that is not the case.

The true friends are the ones that remember you outside the social media.

I am lucky and I have 2 friends that remembered my birthday and I am grateful for them.

Why am I talking about this?

Well, you are forgotten while you are alive, in some cases, but when you die more people remember you!

There is something really wrong with the times we live on.

The trend is to put everyone on the internet and social media. There are many of the older generation that simply can´t, and they need personal, old-fashioned methods, like talking face to face, hugging and kissing and sitting next to each other while talking.

Life was different just few decades ago, before all the social communication.

The short messages that you sometimes need a dictionary to understand, are the trend.

The likes that have very little meaning are the quickest way and widely used. At least I woke up and realised that instead of putting like on something I could write some words to show that I truly cared.

Languages suffer because of the lack of communication, verbal communication.

This birthday was a reminder for me.

It was ok, not to get birthday wishes, but it reminded me of how shallow the friendship on social media is when you dig deep.

I have one more year in my bag and I am grateful for that. 

There is no guarantee that the time I have is unlimited and I have to make the most of every day I have got and try to make a good deed for someone every day. There are plenty of people who need us.

I am grateful for this day. It has been difficult and it has been fine. The mornings are difficult these days and my emotions run high. I don´t know how the near future will be and I have to be patient and wait for what the universe has in store for me.

I don´t think I have ever cried as much as these last weeks and months. Crying is ok and the angels are taking care of the water from the eyes. I am truly worried about my near future but I know deep down that whatever happens will be for the best.

I am a strong woman and I can manage whatever I need to face.

Happiness is not something that I can take for granted. Looking at the bright side is something I can do and is in my power alone.

Looking for the small wonderful things that happen every day is the nourishment for the soul.

I am trying and sometimes I manage and sometimes I don´t. That is ok. I am human and I am not a robot.

Why am I talking about this here?

You see, there are so many people in the world these days that are suffering mentally. They are hurt and they are hopeless. They don´t know how to manage the next days and the next weeks. Those don´t talk about how they feel and how sad and miserable they are. That is why I am telling them about how I feel now and it is ok to be sad and miserable and crying and not always managing to see the bright side or the shining star behind the cloud.

For some days I was thinking about my situation and wondering who I could talk to just to get help to manage my mental state and get back to normal. I was thinking about one person who I knew would listen without judging and would be able to lead me onto the better emotional track.

I have not heard from this person for many years me he was a very good friend and my doctor.

Then I got an email. Where are you? the friend asked just like he had got a message from me asking for his help.

This is how the universe works for me.

This is why I have so much to be grateful for every day.

This is why I share with you, my reader, my sadness and my joy.

There is always a shining star behind every cloud.

Hulda Bjornsdottir

22 nd of May 2022

Today is a new day and a new beginning.

This day is different from all others and no way to figure out how it ends.

The same happens every morning. A new day and a new beginning!

This morning I don´t feel happy. I feel afraid, angry and frustrated!

Not a good beginning of a new day, is it?

I feel tired and disappointed. I feel left alone and nowhere to turn. How come I feel like this just now?

There are lots of explanations and no one is better than the other.

I have been threatened and that’s why I feel afraid.

I feel trapped in something I have no control over and I don´t see any solutions.

I feel I should be perfect but I know I am not.

I feel I should be forgiving but I am not.

I have not been writing anything here for a long time. My life has been on a hold and I have allowed mean disgusting people to control my feelings and my life and my wellbeing.

I love writing and I allowed those who hate me to take that from me for a while.

I am rising up slowly but it feels strange to be so angry and not full of guilt and sorrow.

Sometimes I allow those people to make me feel a bad person, which I am not.

I try to wake up every morning and make the day a good day but sometimes it is more difficult and today is one of those days.

Yesterday I cried but I was lucky and I had someone I could trust listen to my despair and tell me that I was ok.

Friends are like diamonds. I am lucky to have some truly caring friends who are there for me when I need them.

I am counting my blessings this morning and it helps even though I have all those negative feelings mixed with gratitude.

I am grateful for being able to wake up every morning in my bed and step into the balcony and breath in the beauty of the morning.

This morning it is raining and everything is fresh.

This morning is not too hot.

This morning is full of opportunities for me. I just have to grab them and not let anything get in the way.

I will be happy when this day is over but now the goal is to survive and go to bed tonight happier than I am at this moment.

Happiness comes from inside me. I deserve just the best. Those who think otherwise are pitiful and disgusting. Those who hate me and want me to pay for their suffering and anger are the mean ones and the bad people, but they use me as a bag to punish.  How disgusting!

If you ever write anything about us, we are going to sue you, said one of the disgusting ones.

I let those words sink in and allowed them to control my wellbeing for a while.

This day is my day and I am going to make the most of it. This day I am grateful for my life and everything I have done to be the best I could.

Tomorrow is a new beginning again.

Today is a surviving day.

I will survive, it will be better and better every moment. I have control over my feelings and no one will destroy me.

I am not alone and nothing can hurt me anymore.

One by one the disgusting ones will disappear and I will not cry over their loss.

Hulda Björnsdóttir

9. Apríl 2022

Sometimes life is too much and you don´t know how to survive.

There is always a solution and everything that happens is for some reason, nothing just because!

My best friend is sad. She is afraid that her dreams are shattered and she does not know where the next steps will lead.

She tells me how she feels and I try to comfort her and take her into my arms when she is crying.

Crying is ok. She cries when everything seems to be going backwards and no bright side ahead.

I feel for her and I feel with her.

She is strong and she rises up again and the optimistic woman is there again.

I ask her to look at the bright colours of the spring that is appearing in her little land.

The clouds are white and the sun is shining, kissing her cheeks and warming her shoulders.

Life is good even though at the moment my friend doesn’t see the shining star behind the clouds, but she knows that there is always a shining star behind every clout.

The little village embraces my friend when she walks around and every step is taken with gratitude. My best friend is strong. She is the one I can rely on and she is the one I can talk to and tell all my secrets and worries. She is the one I talk to about my happiness and my joy. She is the one that knows everything that goes on in my mind and she is always there for me.

She has told me that everything will be ok.

She has told me to keep my head high and hold on to my hopes.

She has comforted me in my despair and she has laughed with me in my joy.

A best friend like mine is a gift from God.

I am grateful for her every day and I would be nothing without her.

She knows my dreams and she knows they will become true.

I am lucky to have a friend like her.

Hulda Bjornsdottir

27. mars 2022

Ég neita að láta kalla mig gamla konu

Aldur er bara tala og ekkert annað

Þessir andskotans aldursfordómar í íslensku þjóðfélagi eru óþolandi

Þeir sem komnir eru yfir 65 ára, margir hverjir, halda að það sé sniðugt að kalla sig elli smelli, heldri borgara, og guð  veit hvað.

Sumir verða gamlir þegar þeir eru tvítugir. Aðrir halda æsku sinni fram í rauðan dauðann

Ég stend oft frammi fyrir því að þurfa að sannfæra yfirvöld um að vegabréfið mitt sé ófalsað þar sem fólk trúir ekki að ég geti verið fædd árið sem stendur í vegabréfinu.

Ég held því fram að þeir sem hafa mestu fordómana gegn þeim sem eru til dæmis komnir á eftirlaun á Íslandi séu yfir 65 ára gamlir.

Þetta vesalings fólk sem veit ekki hvernig það á að haga sér eftir eitthvað ákveðið ár gerir gott úr öllu saman með því að skella á sig flottum smellum sem þau halda að séu ofboðslega sniðug.

Vesalings fólkið sem leiðist svo hryllilega og er svo upp fullt af fordómum vegna eigin aldurs að það missir af hverju tækifærinu á fætur öðru til þess að njóta lífsins lifandi.

Til þess að ná fram bættum kjörum fyrir þá sem eru hættir að vinna vegna aldurs verða þessir fordómar að víkja.

Virðing fyrir fólki á öllum aldri er forsenda þess að allir geti lifað sómasamlegu lífi á Íslandi.

Á meðan fólk sem er hætt að vinna er í fararbroddi fyrir fordómaliðinu þá breytist ekkert.

Ég á frábæra vini hér í litla landinu mínu sem eru með mörg ár í pokahorninu og njóta lífsins á allan hátt mun betur en þegar þau voru á þrítugs aldri.

Ég var að skoða myndir af mér fyrir 5 árum og þær sem hafa verið teknar núna. Ég lít betur út í dag en ég gerði fyrir 5 árum og sýnist enn yngri að árum í dag.

Heilsusamlegt líferni er lykillinn að eilífri æsku. Bótóx gellurnar og gaurarnir eru þeir sem ættu að skoða framtíðina sína.

Þar til ég dey ætla ég að njóta hvers einasta augnabliks í lífinu. Ég ætla mér ekki þá dul að þetta rifrildi mitt hafi einhver áhrif. Mér blöskraði bara enn eina ferðina ótrúleg heimska margra og ég sá í commenti að þeir sem væru ríkari og betur menntaðir væru meira virði en verkamaðurinn og verkakonan. Sá sem það skrifaði er líklega einn af elítunni og þetta ómerkilega óþarfa fólk hefur líklega þrifið undan honum skítinn á  fínu skrifstofunni eða á spítalanum eða tæmt ruslið sem hann og fjölskyldan hentu!

Guð minn almáttugur hvað sumt fólk getur verið ótrúlega heimskt í hrokanum.

Hulda Björnsdóttir

26th of March 2022

The last Saturday of March is here

Thank God that this month is almost over and a new beginning can arrive.

My little land is beautiful this morning and the sun trying to shine over my little village.

The strawberries are appearing, still green and tiny but the flowers have changed to little bulbs and soon they will be read strawberries for me to taste.

Life goes on and even though difficult in a Covid situation the future is now, this moment is what makes the future and next moment is still unknown.

What a wonderful world we live in, despite everything.

I took a very long walk this week more or less to test my physical situation and I am happy with the result. The pain in my legs and hips was just normal after such a strain on the body and was gone the next day!

On Monday I see my dr. Margarida for the first-time face to face in 2 years! She will definitely send me to have some tests and scans because that is what perfect doctors do in my little land.

Sometimes I think about my age and then I think about the actual years that I have lived.

I don´t look my age. I look much younger and that is something I should be grateful for.

Age is just a number.

It can be a devastating number but it can also be a wonderful proof of what can be accomplished by healthy living.

Living one day at a time and taking with courage whatever happens is also important.

I looked at my picture and, in my mirror, yesterday and the woman that was there is truly a beautiful woman. She is strong and she has more strength than many who have many years less in her bag.

I am truly proud of her.

I am going to continue to take good care of her and treat her with utmost respect and love.

Her life has been a lesson in strength and she has survived everything.

Today she is even stronger than she was yesterday.

If she needs a shoulder to cry on, I will take her to my heart and embrace her.

She is a little child just as much as a grown-up woman and she needs to be loved by herself more than anything else. That is something I can give her.

I am blessed to have this wonderful woman as me.

Hulda Björnsdottir

22. March 2022

Today is a day I will remember for some time.

I have been in a relationship for 17 months and was going to get married soon.

Some things have not added up and I have had a gut feeling about this during some months.

Yesterday I decided to investigate the situation thoroughly and I did get confirmed what I expected.

I feel fine today and totally calm.

Falling in love is wonderful and the feeling stays with me forever as a good memory.

I have learned a lot about myself during this time and got to know me from a different aspect.

Every thing happens for a reason and there is always the choice to make the most of the ones that are painful. The lessons are sometimes difficult to understand and even realise that there is something not as it should be.

I have learned my lesson and I am stronger today than I was yesterday.

I have found out how, not just I but other people as well, have been lied to.

The cheater is trying to make me believe that everything is just a misunderstanding. That is what cheaters do.

They trye to manipulate the victim!

What this one didn’t not understand is how clever I am and how easy it is to see through the lies.

The problem with lies is that you need to keep track of them and you need to remember what you said.

When you are not telling the truth you will always be found out, sooner or later.

I was lucky. I faced the fact and I stepped back.

It feels good to be free, but it is also sad.

A beautiful dream has been shattered but I am whole.

Yesterday I took a very long walk around my little village and neighbourhood and thought about my situation. I came to the conclusion that I was ready to end the relationship and be free.

Today is a new wonderful day and I am grateful for being alive and healthy. Yesterdays walk was in a way a test of my physical situation and I am happy about my condition.

Just few days left of this month and then the summertime arrives in my little land and the spring arrives where everything comes to live again from the winter rest.

Next Monday I will see my favourite doctor face to face, for the first time in 2 years, 2 long Covid years with phone conversation, but on Monday I will see her again.

Life continues. Sometimes there are crossroads and we take a new turn. That is my choice and I am happy.

I am a strong woman and nothing breaks me.

I rise up if I fall and become even stronger than before.

Happiness is inside each and everyone of us. We don´t have to let others destroy us.

Looking into the mirror and telling yourself that you are wonderful and loved is a healing proses that we all can use.

Hulda Björnsdóttir

21st of March 2022

Change this from

Why is this happening to me

to

What is this trying to teach me

The past is over

The future is now

Embrace yourself

Be happy with who you are and make the most of your possibilities

Make the most of this moment

Look at the beauty around you

Look inside yourself and embrace the little child

Be patient

Trust yourself

Remember to be happy now

Happiness is a choice

Sometimes life turns out differently

Trust that everything happens for a reason

Remember to focus on what you want

Forget what you don´t want

Be brave and face the facts

This moment is yours and no one else has control over it.

Be grateful for everything

Hulda Bjornsdottir

19th of April 2022

The month is almost over!

Time does not stand still.

Yesterday was a day of adventure and the weather in my little land was bright again after the yellow dust from Sahara.

My car had a bath but is still a bit dirty even though the machine tried its best.

It was amazing to come home in 21 degrees and felt like the spring was already here, but there are few more weeks of the cold weather and today its windy and normal.

I was thinking about all the quick solutions about how you can become fit in few days and how you can get younger simply by putting on some cream!

The problem is that some people believe the ads.

There is a tea that gives a lot of money to those who sell it, or so they say, and I know a little about how the system works and its not quite what I appreciate and I wonder how much tax the sellers pay of all their weekly gain!

The pictures you are shown are before and after drinking the power amazing tea that changes your body just in few weeks.

I don´t know much, but I thought that your skin would not be firm just by drinking something for few days.

Don´t you need to train or strengthen your muscles to support the skin, the skin that got bigger and bigger while you got fatter and fatter? Mi just asking?

Could you take a pill to make you happy?

Could you taka a pill or drink a coffee or a tea to make you sing like an angel?

Could you taka a pill or drink coffee to fall in love?

I know these questions are strange but all the quick solutions are just as strange in my opinion.

There are no quick solutions.

Those who tell you that are cheating you and want your money.

Every part of your life gets better if you make an effort to make it better. It takes time.

It takes time and practise to become a good singer or a musician.

It takes time and practise to get firm body.

It takes time and practise to get piece of mind in a difficult situation

It takes time and effort to make a relationship work.

It takes time and effort to make a good food.

If you make the time and effort, you can be whatever you put your mind to.

You invest in your time and your effort and you pay your taxes to the community to support the land you live in.

You feel good when you reap the fruits of your effort and stop being disappointed by the quick solo tins that don´t work.

My advice is: Make the effort and you will feel the joy!

Hulda Bjornsdottir

17th of march 2022

The calm me!

In my little land there was a dark cloud yesterday. The sand from the universe covered everything and today the cars are covered in dust.

Yesterday I felt a bit like the dust, flowing from one motion to another.

We live in a strange period of Covid time, time that has not been similar at least through my generation.

People are struggling with mental problems; they are missing the closeness of before and in my little land we are missing hugging and kissing which is our culture. All this affects each and every one of us.

This time and lack of the closeness is affecting me like everyone else.

I am lucky, I am strong and I have the courage to change what I can change and accept what I cannot change.

My way, when I am sad or broken, is to sit down at my computer and write. I write in a diary my thoughts and feelings. This diary is just for my eyes. I have been using this method throughout my life and here I am still strong and thinking about the future with positive brackets.

Life is a challenge and I believe that every experience is a lesson to learn from and become a better person.

This morning I have been practising my singing and the work went well. I am singing a beautiful Ave Maria and it gives me joy to feel how my voice is still strong even after those 2 years of not seeing my teacher.

I have also, this morning, meditated. Meditation gives me peace and I forget my worries.

Soon my organic vegetables will arrive. I get a basket every week from a friend of mine and sometimes I share part of the basket with my neighbours next door.

Sharing is in my nature and it gives me joy. Sharing is in my little lands culture as well.

When my dreams shatter, I rise up stronger and wiser.

I have a plan.

I am going to meditate every day and write a blog every day for some time.

I am going to make the relationship with me work because in the end I am the only one that can make me happy and the road to my happiness is my inner peace.

There are so many people who are suffering now because of the isolation for almost 2 years because of the Covid.

Some do make it and others don’t.

I am going to share my process with you my reader and perhaps there are some among you who need to hear from someone that is on the road to recovery and how this one does it.

The calm me is out this moment.

Hulda Bjornsdottir

I was out and when I am not home I turn off my internet connection.

When I arrived home, I saw that there was a call on Skype. I saw who had called and decided to call back and see what was going on.

A man replied and I told him that I had received a call from this number.

He said that with him was someone that wanted to talk to me.

To the phone came a voice I recognised and that was not a friendly one!

The person told me that she had been asked to call me and tell me that a relative of mine was dying from cancer and had just few days left.

I stayed calm and replied that I had expected this call was about letting me know that the money would be returned, finally!

It was like I had thrown a bomb, the person shouted at me that she did not owe me anything. She spat at me through the phone: It was I who owed her and her group. I had destroyed hers and her groups childhood by negligence and I would be prosecuted for negligence and taken to court if I dared to write or talk about this group and my life would be destroyed and the rest of my stay here on this earth would be hell.

The person said she had already spoken to a lawyer about the case and told that she and the group were in their right to destroy me.

I kept calm and said that this conversation was over.

Some people are mad by their hatred and have spent their whole adult life to destroy the woman they chose as a parent.

We are the ones that choose our parents before we enter this world and our choice is what we are stuck with.

If we have made a bad choice, it is our responsibility and if we are not willing to learn what we came to learn we will just have to put up with it and the future lives will hunt us. We can only blame ourselves.  My mother told me this many decades ago.

I have heard many stories this poor person has told about me.

Some people simply choose to remember what was not perfect and forget what was done well.

Do these people feel good?

Are they happy?

Are people who allow hate to control their lives full of happiness?

Is it not strange and even sick to spend all the power of body and soul into hating another person?

My opinion is that it is sick and dangerous for the society and poison to everyone that knows people like that if nothing is done.

You can be beautiful on the outside and ugly on the inside.

Will the ugly inside win?

Hulda Björnsdóttir