22 nd of May 2022
Today is a new day and a new beginning.
This day is different from all others and no way to figure out how it ends.
The same happens every morning. A new day and a new beginning!
This morning I don´t feel happy. I feel afraid, angry and frustrated!
Not a good beginning of a new day, is it?
I feel tired and disappointed. I feel left alone and nowhere to turn. How come I feel like this just now?
There are lots of explanations and no one is better than the other.
I have been threatened and that’s why I feel afraid.
I feel trapped in something I have no control over and I don´t see any solutions.
I feel I should be perfect but I know I am not.
I feel I should be forgiving but I am not.
I have not been writing anything here for a long time. My life has been on a hold and I have allowed mean disgusting people to control my feelings and my life and my wellbeing.
I love writing and I allowed those who hate me to take that from me for a while.
I am rising up slowly but it feels strange to be so angry and not full of guilt and sorrow.
Sometimes I allow those people to make me feel a bad person, which I am not.
I try to wake up every morning and make the day a good day but sometimes it is more difficult and today is one of those days.
Yesterday I cried but I was lucky and I had someone I could trust listen to my despair and tell me that I was ok.
Friends are like diamonds. I am lucky to have some truly caring friends who are there for me when I need them.
I am counting my blessings this morning and it helps even though I have all those negative feelings mixed with gratitude.
I am grateful for being able to wake up every morning in my bed and step into the balcony and breath in the beauty of the morning.
This morning it is raining and everything is fresh.
This morning is not too hot.
This morning is full of opportunities for me. I just have to grab them and not let anything get in the way.
I will be happy when this day is over but now the goal is to survive and go to bed tonight happier than I am at this moment.
Happiness comes from inside me. I deserve just the best. Those who think otherwise are pitiful and disgusting. Those who hate me and want me to pay for their suffering and anger are the mean ones and the bad people, but they use me as a bag to punish. How disgusting!
If you ever write anything about us, we are going to sue you, said one of the disgusting ones.
I let those words sink in and allowed them to control my wellbeing for a while.
This day is my day and I am going to make the most of it. This day I am grateful for my life and everything I have done to be the best I could.
Tomorrow is a new beginning again.
Today is a surviving day.
I will survive, it will be better and better every moment. I have control over my feelings and no one will destroy me.
I am not alone and nothing can hurt me anymore.
One by one the disgusting ones will disappear and I will not cry over their loss.