Why was she so hostile?

18th of September 2021

Good morning

There is always the first time for everything and yesterday was the first time for me

I went to the Camera Municipal here in Penela, where I have gone every month this last year and during my almost 11 years in Portugal, I have been there many times every year.

Always I have been treated with respect and everyone has been willing to help in any way needed.

Yesterday was a different day.

The day before I went to registry office and spoke to a very nice woman, who helped as much as she could be she wanted me to coma again and talk to the head of the department which I did yesterday.

The head person was really hostile in the beginning when I asked her if I could speak English. The matter I was going to ask about was legal and there is no way that I know the words in Portuguese!

She told me that I was in Portugal and I should speak Portuguese! Which is of course true and I do when I have normal conversation with my neighbours for example.

I felt like when I went to the health centre here the first time and they shouted at me because I had not learned the language after 3 months or something like that. The doctor and the nurse treated me like their enemy.

So, my errand to the Camera yesterday was to get all the information I needed to be able apply for getting married to a man that was and is not Portuguese. I know the system here and I know there is a lot of documents needed for everything and I completely accept that, but yesterday I was treated like shit.

It crossed my mind that I could be getting married to the idiot that lives in the apartment downstairs, he is Portuguese and he beats his women and abuses them in all way. Getting married to him would not be a problem for me in the eyes of the authorities here because he is Portuguese!

How mad is this?

The authorities want me to prove to them that I am getting married to a foreigner out of love and not just as a marriage of convenience.

How am I going to prove to Portuguese men and women in the court that I am in love and my future husband is in love and we love each other dearly?

This is the situation I am in now and I totally freaked out yesterday and went to my lawyer and told her I needed her help NOW!

She is calm and told me to relax. She gave me info about what we needed to do and she is going to help. I know I can trust her; she is my friend and has helped me with everything I have asked for during these almost 11 years.

My future husband told me everything would be ok. I am lucky to have him by my side in the future, but for now he is in another continent taking care of his paperwork so he can send it to Portugal.

All the papers have to be on paper, EVERYTHING, and everything has to be verified with apostille stamp. This is Portugal you know.

All this process yesterday reminded me of how wonderful the authorities I contacted in Iceland for my documentation, were. There I got all the information I needed and they are making all the documents in English. Everything has to be translated into Portuguese when the documents arrive and everything needs to be on paper.

Something does not quite add up because when I asked for my tax proof for the Icelandic authorities, they asked for it on paper and the tax here told me they don´t make them on paper, only electronic! So somewhere the system is like this and in other cases it is like that!

Confusing!

Anyway, I am not freaked out now, but I am disappointed. I am used to be treated with dignity and respect at the camera here in Penela but yesterday I was not.

I wonder what has changed? Is it because I am getting married to a man that is not Portuguese or is it just the attitude of the person I was communicating with?

She told me that people all over the world came to Portugal to get married! Are they treated differently than a person who has lived here for almost 11 years and paid taxes all those years to the society?

I just wonder!

Eventually I will of course get all the papers and proof for the court that I am not getting married just for convenience, but simply because I and my future husband deeply love each other!

The attitude at the Camera yesterday made me really think seriously about when I build my wood house if I should not just leave Penela and build somewhere else! It is my dream to live in a wood house, warm during the winter, and beautiful with no mad neighbours but I have been thinking that the municipal where I know everything would be the right choice.

After yesterday I am not so sure, and at least I will look for a beautiful spot elsewhere in the near future.

Sometimes life is just full of surprises and change is sometimes really wonderful.

Hulda Bjornsdottir

Ég tek ekki þátt í vitleysunni

11.september 2021

Eins og þeir sem fylgjast með blogginu mínu vita hef ég ekki skrifað þó nokkuð lengi um kjör fátæka fóksins á Íslandi eða þeirra sem ég bar fyrir brjósti hér áður.

Þetta þýðir ekki að ég hugsi ekki um þessa hópa.

Ég hugsa um þá oft og lengi næstum alla daga og núna í kosninga loforða flauminum kannski enn meira.

Ég hef ekki trú á því að neitt breytist við þessar kosningar en ég get hins vegar haldið þeirri skoðun fyrir mig og látið vera að rífast og skammast.

Ég reyndi að eyða “Milli lífs og dauða” síðunni en það tókst ekki og nú er fólk að deila póstum sem ég skrifaði jafnvel fyrir 2 árum.

Það sýnir mér að ekkert hefur breyst til batnaðar á Íslandi fyrir þessa hópa.

Þetta er sorgleg staðreynd sem ég hef engin áhrif á jafnvel þó ég segi ekki orð.

Mínar áhyggjur snúast um gengið og hvernig það verður notað aftur og aftur og aftur og endalaust til þess að hygla ríka fólkinu.

Undanfarið hefur gengið á evru ekki farið upp fyrir 152 krónur en hún er á harðastökki þangað þessa dagana. Ég gerði áætlun fram að áramótum, fyrir 4 mánuði og reiknaði með 152 krónum sem ég þyrfti að borga fyrir góssið. Áætlunin heldur enn og vonandi gerir hún það þessa næstu mánuði og ég rígheld í vonina!

Hér í Portúgal er lífið aðeins að þokast í rétta átt en það gengur hægt, en þokast samt. Við erum ábyrg og tökum því sem að höndum ber en ósköp var gott að fá nokkur knús þessa síðustu daga. Það er aðeins að opnast fyrir að fólk þori að vera venjulegt en ég verð að viðurkenna að ég vel vandlega hverja ég faðma.

September er spítala mánuður hjá mér þó ég sé ekki að fara að leggjast inn. Þetta kemur bara þannig út að stefnumót við læknateymið er allt í september.

Í gær fór ég á stefnumót við hjartalækninn minn og það var óvenjulegt að þurfa ekki að bíða marga klukkutíma. Í gær var Covid ástand og þá gengur allt betur á spítalanum þar sem strangt eftirlit er með því að ekki séu of margir inni í einu. Við mætum 30 miútum fyrir skráðan tíma og það er engum hleypt inn fyrr. Í gær fékk ég miða með tímanum og var miðinn límdur á mig. Allir fengu svona miða!

Síðan komu stelpurnar aftur og tékkuðu tímann og ráku okkur inn með mjúkri hendi þegar röðin var komin að okkur. Svona fyrirkomulag er frábært, finnst mér. Ég beið í hálftíma eftir Dr. Pedro og það var óvenjulegt, svo ekki sé meira sagt.

Þetta er líklega það eina sem ég vil að haldist eftir að allar Covid hömlur eru dottnar uppfyrir.

Sumarið hefur verið óvenju kalt hérna í miðju landinu og óvenju fáir skógareldar. Það kom reyndar einn dagur þar sem enginn eldur var í öllu landinu næstum því allan daginn, ekki þó alveg.

Það verður spennandi að sjá hvernig október hagar sér og ekki síður áhugavert að horfa á veturinn. Verður hann kaldur eða volgur?

Lífið er alltaf skemmtilegt og núna eru sírlendingarnir uppi ábyggilega í sumarfríi því ég hef ekkert heyrt í kallinum í tæpar 3 vikur. Það er friður og ró því geggjaði gaurinn niðri er oftast ekki þar en kemur þó eina og eina nótt svona rétt til að minna á sig og hefur þá nokkuð hátt!

Næsta ár verður allt öðruvísi en þetta.

Allt mögulegt skemmtilegt sem þá gerist í lífi mínu sem tekur heljarstökk upp á við.

Ég er þakklát fyrir hvern dag og ég man eftir því að vera þakklát alltaf.

Hamingjan er ekki sjálfgefin en það er hægt að rækta hana eins og fallegt blóm og hún lifir þá góðu lífi og vex og dafnar.

Hulda Björnsdóttir

Do The Quick Solutions work?

11. September 2021

Is collagen good for your body?

I was talking to a friend of mina about her business and she told me that some of the products she is selling would be good for me.

I looked into the business and what I saw first was a lot of stories from young women with big lips, long eyelashes and long hair.

These young women told me how wonderful the company was and how rich and wonderful everything is for them after just few weeks!

This was all wonderful but I thought fine, but where are the information’s section? Where can I see the products? Where can I see the prices and so on?

My friend asked me what I thought and I told her all I knew so far was how wonderful this all was.

She laughed and sent me more info or rather a link to connect.

I connected and there I was inside somewhere I could get info about the products and prices as well as how everyone was going to help me grow rich in no time!

Oh, did I forget how easy this all would be?

Anyway, just to try I made an order for one of the products, the collagen, which was supposed to be so wonderful for me.

20 days supply was 59 dollars and that was a reduced price from 74 USD.

In checkout I saw the added cost, the shipping and handling, the tax and some other cost added up to not 59 USD but 114 USD!

I was stunned.

It is wonderful to be able to investigate before buying and this was something I would not buy.

The price was ridicules.

I can buy something similar and even better for 45 EUR here in my favourite vitamin and health shop!

Now back to the product. It was supposed to be wonderful for your bones, your hair and who knows what more.

After talking to another friend today and googling I figured out the wonderful product was perhaps not so much scientifically proven!

I am not interested in all those quick health solutions. I know what works best for me and perhaps for the general public as well. Persistence, healthy living and taking good care of yourself is my advice to myself and my friends.

I have got a heart problem which has been there for decades and a surgery did what was possible to repair but there are some things still a problem.

Yesterday I saw my doctor for a 6 months check-up and he was happy and I was happy. The result is that we are accomplishing our goal, to keep me the same, not getting worse.

This is a worthy goal and I was happy and my doctor was happy. There are no quick solutions for me, just consistency.

On the internet there is a lot of quick solutions. You can lose 20 kilos in few days and feel and look like a model! Seriously?

What happened to the skin that had all the 20 kilos inside it? Did it become firm just like a blink of the eye?

Many believe those quick solutions and they pay a huge sum of money for them. In the end they will be disappointed and that is so sad because they might even be giving up on trying those boring long-time solutions, i.e. exercising and eating healthy.

I could never sell those promises and I am hopeless in getting rich by selling the stuff that works within weeks.

Do people really not know how easy it is to Photoshop pictures?

My friend is quite a good business woman and I wish her all the best.

I also wish all those who are buying the quick solutions a quick and true results.

I don´t care what the believers spend their money on.

I just find it so terribly sad that they don´t see through the plot and just turn their attention to taking care of their bodies the old fashion way by exercising and eating healthy and being happy.

My recovery after the surgery in may has already ben going on for a while and this week, I went to my gym for the first time. It felt wonderful to be a part of my family there again. The plan is to take it very slowly and gradually increase the intensity and in December I might be able to train with my personal trainer again on full force.

Patience is the goal.

Gratitude is the feeling.

I hope you are well, you who are reading this, just remember that quick solutions might not be the road to recovery!

Hulda Bjornsdottir

THE IDIOTS or THE WONDERFUL ONES!

26.08.2021

The idiots!

I am working on how to change a mindset from negative to positive and always expect the best and set the dreams high and never hesitate or doubt about the dreams coming true.

There is no need to know how to get there, its just knowing you are there and what the end result will look like!

It sounds simple but can be complicated and the mind is struggling and trying to tell that this is not going to work.

I know my dreams.

I know what the end result looks like.

I know I need to make an effort and shush the voices in my head saying that I am never going to get there. Have you ever experienced this, my reader?

The next months are going to be interesting in my life, nothing new there, my life is always interesting and never dull, that I can tell you for sure.

Long time ago I figured out that if I don´t have any challenges and my life is flowing like a soft river, I get bored to death. I need excitement and I love planning.

I am planning my future and if I told you how you would tell me to step back and reconsider!

That’s what is so wonderful.

I am convinced that everything will work out. I am even considering to live until 90 something! Being healthy and active until death is my goal.

A part of the process is looking at the bright sides and using positive words. What do I mean?

Let me explain.

If I am waiting for something to happen and I need some authorities to be part of the process and everything goes slowly and I am losing my patience. I call the authorities IDIOTS and I am angry and pissed off.

Could it be that while my mindset is about the IDIOTS WHO NEVER DO ANYTHING FOR ME, I would be pushing the brakes hard?

Would it change the outcome if I changed my mindset, left the brakes and thought about the authorities as my friends, not my enemies, and I thought about HOW THE WONDERFUL PEOPLE ARE DOING EVERHING IN THEIR POWER TO HELP ME?

I believe it would change everything.

When I fall into the trap of thinking of those I need to support me as IDIOTS or PEOPLE WHO WANT TO MAKE EVERYTHING DIFFICULT, I don´t get the results I want.

If I think about the same people as my friends and WONDERFUL PEPLE WHO ARE TRYING EVRYITHING POSSIBLE TO HELP ME I get the best results ever.

IT IS ALL ABOUT THE MNDSET.

When I am positive, I send positive vibrations to the other people and everything goes smoothly.

When I am negative, I send negative vibrations to the other people and nothing works well for me.

I have lived in a country with a complicated bureaucracy for almost 11 years. I know how things work here in my little land and I am patient and polite. I think about my people, the ones who I need to help me, as my friends, that are willing to everything in their power to help everything to run smoothly. The result is that everything does run smoothly. Sometimes I have to be extra patient and that is perfectly fine with me because I know the people are on my side.

Today is a wonderful day in my little land. My little village is sunny and warm. The flowers are happy and the insects are over the moon.

It has been hot, very hot, the last few days but tomorrow the heat retreats and that is good for me. The sun will still be shining and the happiness will still be embracing me because I am allowing it to do exactly that.

A lot of my life depends on the currency of the Icelandic Krona because I get my pension from Iceland. Yesterday it did not look too good. Today it is better and there are still 5 days left of the month and a lot can happen. I am optimistic and my plans will stick. Yesterday I could have been worried to death but I chose not to be.

I look at my future, even my closest future, with bright eyes and dreams coming true. It feels good and I am grateful for everything I already have and I am grateful to have a bright future ahead.

What more could I wish for?

I hope your day will be good, my reader.

Hulda Björnsdóttir

Listening to others !

23. August 2021

Do I need to work?

I am a pensioner.

I was blogging on the 18th and a thought struck me suddenly. Should I be working?

Why did this pop up?

I haven’t got a clue.

I am busy all the day and I have regular income, so why am I not just enjoying my pension age?

Who said I was not enjoying it?

I am really enjoying this part of my life exempt of course the Covid situation, and that is something I cannot do anything about.

Next month is a check-up month. I go to the hospital several times to have this and that checked and I know everything is fine but my doctors want to know for sure and I am an obedient woman who does what they tell her.

I have not been to my GYM now since May and I truly miss it.

I have gained a little bit of weight and now the task is to get rid of it as quickly as possible. It is not much and when I see may family doctor at the end of this month, I want to be the same as 6 months ago. That is the goal and no doubt about reaching it.

So, why am I thinking about working?

When I am blogging and contemplating about my thoughts that moment, I sometimes think about all the people that just need someone to listen to them.

It crossed my mind the other day that I am, or can be, a good listener.

Why not set up a website or something where people can log in and talk while I listen to them and perhaps share something with them?

It was just a thought and quickly I pushed it away.

I have plenty to do and I have enough of my own shortcomings to deal with. There is no need to start something new and pretend to know something perhaps about everything!

No, I will just be happy with my freedom and look forward to and prepare for next year full of different experiences and excitement.

But the idea is there and perhaps someone who reads this blog would like to pick up the idea and make money.

Just a thought.

Hulda Björnsdóttir

Trust issues !

18. August 2021

Trusting people can be complicated.

Trust is based on actions, not words.

I do trust people until they show me by their actions that they are not worthy of my trust. Does this sound familiar?

Have you experienced that someone promises you something and just few days the promise is broken?

You believe the excuses and take them at their value.

When the same promise is broken again and again, what do you do?

Do you keep believing the excuses?

Do you trust the person again and again?

I have those issues with people who promise and break their promises again and again and tell me that I am just jumpy and grumpy and this was nothing and has no meaning!

If I promise you something I keep my promise.

If I have for some reason to break my promise, I tell you.

I explain why I can not keep my promise and I ask you to try to understand, but I always explain why!

This is what I expect from others.

Is that reasonable or am I just a grumpy lady who don´t understand how live is?

It could be!

It could also be that I am just claiming respect, or could it not?

In all relationships respect and trust are the foundation in my opinion.

It does not matter if it is friendship, love, brotherhood, siblings or whatever. Respect and trust are the foundation.

When those 2 breaks everything is broken, or that is my opinion.

I’m lucky, I live on my own. I am independent and can do whatever comes into my mind without asking anyone for permission.

I can hop into my car and drive to wherever I want to drive.

I am a privileged woman.

I sometimes think about changing my life and perhaps sharing it with somebody but the brakes are on.

Why should I?

Why should I not just be happy like I am at the moment, living my life, or the rest of it, which is not that long, in peace and harmony with myself and not having to be afraid of broken promises that hurt?

Yes, that is the question. Why change?

I have in fact no idea. I am contemplating if I should change anything or if I just stay in the same box. I will always be hurt in one way or another, that’s just life, but I can control how it affects me.

I have a lot to think about.

Big steps need big jumps.

Seriously!

I am lucky. I have someone in my life that doesn’t take any rubbish. This person knows how to handle me and how to teach me to trust. Will I have trust issues always? I don’t know but I do know that I have someone beside me that really knows me well and knows how to get the best of me without hurting me.

 I said before that I was contemplating on if I should change anything or if I should just stay in the box. I am going to step out of the box I know and into another full of adventures and lessons.

I am going to live my life alive!

Thank you for reading my thoughts and perhaps you are dealing with something similar in your mind. I believe it is all in my mind and I can change how I think and how I act. That is the beauty of living.

Hulda Björnsdóttir

Have I got the power to control my life?

17 th of August 2021

Just a thought in the middle of the day.

I wonder how much we think about our part in the progress of life.

Do we think about how our mind works?

Do we think about how powerful our mind is?

When we are sad and don´t see the light ahead or not even in the far future, we tend to be negative and I wonder if it is possible that we could change our mindsets and be optimistic whatever is happening in your life.

I wonder if it makes any difference if I wake up in the morning dreading the day or if I wake up and look forward to whatever is ahead.

I believe in the power of positive thinking so I wake up in the morning and my first thought is: This will be a great day!

It is only me that has the choice to make my life horrible or beautiful. It has nothing to do with money, it has to do with mindset.

Living the life alive is my motto. It is my choice.

I am sometimes frustrated and I am sometimes worried, but I always know what is happening in my mind and I take action.

I love planning. I thrive on planning. It makes me happy and excited and I am truly very good at it.

Few years ago, I had a dream. I was on my way to fulfil the dream but it did not come true. Yesterday I suddenly realised why it did not come true. I was on the brakes. I truly in my deepest subconsciousness did not want it to become true.

Strange how the mind works. During this process I hurt some people. I felt they had let me down and I left them without any explanation. That was not nice of me and I am ashamed of having left but that was the reality.

My protection during my life has been when someone hurts me or I feel hurt is that I leave.

It has always been just leaving.

Now I have learned a new way. I stay and I talk about why I feel unhappy or hurt. I listen to the other side and it might surprise you but I truly listen to the advice and follow it. It is not always easy but I am practising and getting better every day. The affect is that I am not as afraid as before of being hurt and I am stronger.

I am lucky to have a person in my life that does not let me get away with any nonsense.

It takes courage to look yourself in the eye and ask if you are truly honest to your self or if you are fleeing once again. I have tried fleeing but I can’t get away with it, and that makes me grateful.

When I realised my dream had not come true because I did not want it to, I now took the dream up again and looked at it. Would it solve my problems? I asked myself. The answer is YES it would.

Am I willing to do everything in my power to make it real? is another question.

Yes, now I am.

The process has begun. It is all about visualising the end result and believing. Simple and easy.

There are people who believe in God and think he takes care of everything. Maybe he does, I don´t know. I on the other hand believe in the power of the universe and the power of love.

Attitude is another key. I can complain about all the bills I have to pay simply to keep me warm and have light and gas and internet and so on. I can also be grateful for all those things and see my paying the bills as a contribution to the companies.

I see my taxes as a contribution to the society I live in. I find them rather high sometimes but when thinking about how much I get in service and different things from my society I feel happy to be able to participate.

My question was how much we think about our part in the progress of life?

I have replied. I think our part is everything. We can pray to God for help and we can believe he takes care of everything, or we can control our minds and send the positive thoughts out to the universe and that might be what works.

I am living my dream just now. I am seeing my dream come true. Part of it is already there and the continuation is there. I am happy with the progress so far and I am looking forward to the future with all my heart and my soul is rejoicing.

There is not a doubt and no hesitation. Forward and nothing else.

Hulda Bjornsdottir

Biting my tongue !

14. August 2021

Just a thought sharing with you my reader but at the same time contemplating about the meaning of to Bite your tongue, and perhaps I will learn something about me.

Sometimes I am too honest and say what comes to my mind before thinking.

Someone told me the other day I should bite my tongue before saying just what popped into my mind that moment.

Now I have been biting my tongue for some days and should in fact be a bit proud of myself.

I did look up the dictionary meaning of the phrase before writing this and I found this:

wanted to tell him exactly what I thought of him, but I had to bite my tongue.

This phrase got me to think about something else.

What about when you are asked how you are today and the person asking has NO interest in listening to how you feel?

Let’s look at this conversation:

1. How are you today my friend?

2. I am very tired after all the work I did yesterday and today I have been doing …………the number 2 is cut off, the number one needs to tell his or her story

1. O, I am very tired, I have been doing this since early morning ……………………….and so it goes on.

2. Really, oh that is not good and I understand you are tired!

No 1 could and might use some of those:  I want to eat now, or I want to rest now, or I want to take a shower, or whatever the number one wants to do. He or she is definitely not going to listen to a word the number 2 is going to say about how he or she is feeling, but that was the question number one asked at the top of the conversation  HOW ARE YOU TODAY MY FRIEND?

This is interesting, or so I think.

Why are people really asking you how you are feeling if they don´t give a dam?

Are they asking you just to be able to talk about themselves without feeling too bad not caring about the other one?

It is also interesting to think about if you are pregnant and you meet a woman.

She notices about your pregnancy and perhaps asks how you are doing but then the flow gate opens and she tells you all the horror stories about her pregnancy and giving birth, and even her friends horror stories as well. How often do you hear about the easy pregnancies and the easy births?

I met a friend today and she asked how I was doing.

I told her I was recovering from the surgery in May and would be to the hospital on the 2. of September for a check-up.

She asked if it was my heart but I told her what it was and then I got the story about how she had the same surgery some years ago and the whole story about everything.

I would really have liked to ask her about some side affects but I gave up that idea and bit my tongue.

My point is this:

Why are people not willing to listen?

Why do they have to put their own experience instead of listening to the other one and perhaps learn something?

I do have a friend who listens. If she asks a question, I know she is really going to listen to me and she really wants to hear what I have to say about the matter. Thank the almighty for people like her. I think they might be a rarity.

What did I learn about writing this?

I did learn something really important:

I need to listen to myself and see if I am a good listener, which I think I am, or if I always jump with my own experience into the conversation.

This morning I had to keep my thoughts and bite my tongue. How I did it was by turning off my phone, going to the supermarket, which takes 18 minutes’ drive and the same back. When I came back to my home village, I drove to another place to take care of something else and all the time, about 2 hours, I was free. My phone was turned off and not even with me. For security reasons I took my other phone with me which has no social media apps. No Facebook, no WhatsApp, no Skype and nothing but a regular Portuguese number to call from if I needed to.

There are ways and there are solutions.

I have a task to talk about the subject that I am biting my tongue about now.

I have no idea how to do it without becoming harsh and perhaps sounding unfair.

It is a matter that is really important to me and my future. In a way it is I think about boundaries.

It is new for me to set boundaries. I help people until death and allow them to use me to the end and sometimes I have had enough and my way out has been simply to leave.

I don´t want to use the old way now.

I want to try a new solution.

I’m going to get there but my lord it is complicated for someone like me to set boundaries and stick to them and stay.

I am learning.

But one thing I know for sure, and that is: I am a really good listener when you need me, but sometimes I just need you to listen to me, whoever you are. I know the people who don´t listen and they are the ones I cut of and jump into their story to tell mine. It is the only way to get their attention.

Hulda Bjornsdottir

I don´t believe God takes care of everything! I seriously don´t believe in God as such!

8th of August 2021

Sometimes life is simple but I make it complicated.

I need a certificate about my Covid vaccination.

I thought it would be simple to get the app, which was quite simple, just downloaded it on my phone.

But,

I wanted to be able to use the app and that’s where the problem starts.

The registration did not happen because I am not a citizen, just a long-time residence.

So, I went to the centre de saude, which is the health centre where I go and asked them for help.

They did and everything should be working fine but not!

Now I have to go to Coimbra tomorrow, and that was what I intended to do in the first place but did listen to some information I got from some people.

My point is this:

Never follow the guidelines you get from those who think they know, talk to the authorities and they will for sure solve the problem.

What we tend to do is ask for advice and the advice is often not QUITE what we need!

It is a waste of time.

Next time I will be wiser and just follow my instinct and go to the government office or whatever and get the stamps or certificates I need.

It is just so wonderful to know that some of my closest friends think that God is at work.

Where was God when I needed the correct information?

Since I am talking about God, I don’t believe there is a God that people can talk to and he will then take care of everything.

I believe there is a higher power somewhere but my true believe is about the law of attraction.

I believe the law of attraction is working in our lives. If I can see clearly what I want and I put my mind to it and send love to the thought and the end result is all I need to see to make my dreams come true.

It can take time, and it often does, but patience is needed sometimes but sometimes everything goes quickly.

I have been tidying up in my home. I have clothes that I had 20 years ago. Some of them are the once I still use but there are some I never use and they take up space in my apartment.

It feels good to get rid of some of them but some go into boxes in my garage and if I don´t use them the next 2 years I will either throw them away or give them to someone.

I seriously think I have got clothes for the rest of my life. I just need to keep my current weight and then I am safe until I say good bye to this world and travel to a new one.

I have boxes downstairs that I used when I moved from Iceland and those are the ones I am going to use for my left-over things for now.

Writing what is in each box is a good plan and perhaps there are one or 2 boxes downstairs that need to be emptied and the things inside thrown away. You never know.

Anyway, I am in a clean the clutter mode and it feels good.

God has nothing to do with my cleaning.

I remember when I was in China and people looked at me and asked if I was a Christian and when I said yes, they got this look on their faces, like I was better than those who were not.

It always annoyed me.

And as the years passed, I learned that the Christianity there was what I despised about the religion, the arrogance and being the chosen ones!

I asked someone, where was your God when you needed him?

I am not popular after this question, that’s for sure but I don´t care.

I just ask, where is this wonderful God when people are starving and everything is going downhill, even though they go to church and pray and pray?

The worst crimes in the universe have been committed in the name of God. That is a fact. How can people believe blindly?

This is just my thought for today and perhaps clearing the clutter is not just about clothes. Perhaps it is also about relationships. I don´t know yet, but I will figure it out and continue clearing the clutter.

Have a nice coming week, you who read this.

Hulda Bjornsdottir

Does a broken soul ever heal?

A broken soul

Being the outcast never leaves a soul.

Just seeing the word and reading the meaning of it can break a fragile soul.

This morning, late in the morning, I saw the word OUTCAST and read the meaning: SOMEONE THAT IS NOT ACCEPTED BY OTHER PEOPLE.

Being born into a world that really did not want you and growing up being rejected by the closest family members, brothers and sisters, leaves a scar that perhaps never fades away.

The memories are there and they are luring like an insect to sting hard.

The memories of the 2 sisters crossing the street when a 10-year-old came walking from the opposite direction. The hurt and the humiliation not to be good enough for the dignitaries!

The humiliation when waiting for the friend and not allowed to wait at the front door, but having to be outside the cellar door at the back of the house, to make sure no one saw the little girl.

Feeling the sun shining and the raindrops, equally wonderful because there were no feelings neither in the sun or the rain, no despicable disgust, just nature and normal.

A little girl who was told to keep quiet while her sisters madness was in control and the little girl was told to sleep.

The memories of the green pillow that was hard on her skin, but she had to lie there so still because everyone was attending to her mad sister, the much older mad sister who controlled everything and everyone when having her fits.

One word, the outcast, brought out not just tears but crying like a heart was braking with sorrow and sadness.

It was not the little girl crying, it was a grown-up woman who had lived a long life and suddenly everything seemed to collapse.

Perhaps the little girl never grew up, perhaps her heart is still just 10-year-old and never grows up.

Perhaps the happiness is not for this little girl, not even when she is on her last chapter of the long journey through everything.

What is wrong? asked someone.

I can’t explain what is wrong. I just feel so terribly sad when I should be happy.

Will a broken soul ever be healed?

Will a broken little girl ever be able to forget and just enjoy the happiness?

I don´t know the answers. I just know that crying is sometimes good for the soul and it eases the pain.

The little girl will never leave, she will always have a place in a heart of the grown up and she most likely will appear again just out of the blue when everything is going well and life should be wonderful.

Why does this happen?

I don´t know but perhaps something is shifting.

The top of the iceberg is just the top. Underneath there is huge clump deep into the ocean. Sometimes the top melts a little but it feeds from the clump underneath and grows again.

Being an oversensitive person is not easy.

Surviving in a world like ours is a miracle.

The shell broke a little today but it will be mended and everything goes on like it did yesterday.

Today is day of sadness and that is ok. There is nothing wrong with feeling sad.

The strength is rising up after falling down and being able to continue.

It is complicated to understand for those who are more or less normal but closest friends and loved ones will learn to be there for the broken souls when they need it.

Hulda Bjornsdottir