Just a thought shared with you

3rd of October 2022

Good evening

This is just a thought

I make mistakes, again and again.

I am human and that is why.

There is a prayer that the AA people use and it is a wise one.

GOD GRANT ME THE SERENETY TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CAN NOT CHANGE AND CHANGE WHAT I CAN

I can not change the past.

I can change the future, i.e. the now.

I can regret the past and let it destroy my future, or I can accept the past and have my future bright and exciting. It is my choice.

I can be sad and angry and frustrated and disappointed but that does not change anything.

I don´t know if I have been fooled or if I have ben gullible or if I have just been naïve. I have most likely been all of this through my whole life.

Maybe I have just been true to myself and making the most of what I have had.

There are many ways to look at the past and there is also the opportunity to learn from it.

One thing is for sure.

The past is gone.

The past days and weeks are not what I would have liked them to be, but they were what they were and I accept that, because I can not change anything.

I don´t have to make a decision today about the future.

I just have to survive.

I will survive. I always do.

I am strong and I am healthy.

Tomorrow is coming and soon there will be a new year.

Next year will be different. I know that.

This year has been a struggle from day one and I am not going through the same again next year. That is in my power to change.

Now, as I have been doing for some time, I am going to make the most of my future today. I will make mistakes but most of the time I will be standing by my side and taking care of me and my happiness.

The fact is that if I am not happy with myself no one else can make me happy. The happiness is inside each and everyone and that is where to look for it.

MyI reader I wish you a good night and I hope your future will be ok.

Hulda Björnsdóttir

Keep the front door closed for the security!

25.09.2022

I live in a condominium and am the only foreigner.

This has been my problem for a very long time.

Being the foreigner is not good in a community like this condominium.

All the problems are my fault according to the others.

I try to be very quiet and not make problems for anyone but that does not help.

For more than a decade the front door has been a sticking point.

The only condominium in the neighbourhood that is always with front door open!

The ones on the ground floor want it to be open all the time.

I go downstairs and close it and they go and open it. This is a war.

The company that takes care of everything has put a : for your security, keep the door closed, but the ones downstairs just ignore it.

I don’t understand why they do this.

It is cold and the garage door is open now all the time as well.

I am going to write the company once again but I don´t think it will change anything.

The solution is to keep quiet and bite my tong and just try to leave this forsaken hell.

I’m seriously going to look for a house somewhere, even though it would not be a wood house, just to get rid of those people in my life.

I have been giving vegetables to the neighbours next to me, every week now for a long time, just to help them with the cost of the family. This is not going to happen ever again.

I am angry or perhaps more hurt than angry.

The winter is coming and the weather getting cold which means that my apartment is even colder than when the front door is closed.

There is nothing I can do expect just try to leave.

So sad.

Hulda Bjornsdottir

I am patient

24. september 2022

I forgot to write yesterday

My computer is slow and I didn´t remember that I do have a phone and can blog from there.

Yesterday was a rather good day.

I put up the thing for my trees to climb and now I am looking forward to see what happens. 2 screws and the bamboo are there waiting for the climbing.

My ginger is growing and the leaves in one of the pots are big and the other one is showing.

If I didn’t have my flowers my life would be less exciting these days.

The autumn has officially arrived and yesterday I turned the heat on in the bedroom. I am not going to be in 11 degrees for days and days without heating the radiator in the bedroom. The central heating can wait and I need to get some wood from somewhere.

I’m worried about the future.

I need 2.700-euro loan and have tried everything but the doors are closed because of my age.

Its annoying and makes me angry that if I was 10 years younger I could walk into every bank and get what I need but just a number of years closes all doors.

I even offered some people 20 percent interest rates, but everyone is busy with their own lives and I understand that.

I did find a company and I played them 100 EUR but then they asked for more money and I knew it was a scam so that one went into the blocked and reported category,

I just wonder how my future will be but I am not going to spoil the day with worrying.

I worry about my loved one and just hope my strength will travel to him. Every hurdle just makes me stronger and now I have to be strong for both of us while he is giving up.

I believe that everything happens for a reason. There is a reason for everything. Maybe we are just being tested by the universe and we will be free one day to enjoy our lives together until death us departs.

The sun is shining outside and I am optimistic even though disappointed to have all doors slammed in my face simply because of my age.

The trees are swaying outside and there are both shadows and sunshine at the same time, simply showing me that this is normal life and, in the end, everything will be fine, just as I believe.

I know what I want and I know I will do everything in my power to make it happen even though at this moment I don´t see any solutions.

Life is a challenge.

Some survive, and some don´t.

I am a survivor.

I look forward to my future. My happiness is just around the corner, and most of it is inside my heart, whatever the outer situation is.

Hulda Bjornsdottir

I’m going to scream and shout

22. september 2022

I’m truly pissed off

I need a loan for 2.700 euro – 6 months and paying from December and am willing to pay 20 percent interest rate.

I have spoken to individuals, to the bank, to loan companies and everywhere I get a NO SORRY.

In they system I am too old.

I am too old to take a loan but I can be a guarantor for someone else and responsible for someone else’s loan.

The system is stupid.

I pay taxes, 37 % per year my whole 12 years here in Portugal.

Just because I am over 65 I am out of the system that I could use help from once during those 12 years.

I am so angry and this is so unfair but there is nothing I can do about it.

Screaming and shouting is what I can do but that does not help.

I found a company and negotiation began and everything looked good but they turned out to be scam.

Luckily I saw through the scam.

But screaming and shouting is what I am going to do now.

I feel humiliated and degraded.

Arrrrrrrggggggg

A beautiful very hot day

20th of September 2022

I went to the hospital today to see Dr Pedro.

My heart is more or less the same as 6 months ago but in June I will decide to have a pacemaker.

I drove home during rush hour and the traffic was huge

Tried to take another route but not lucky and drove around until I came to the hospital again

The evening is beautiful

The weather is ok but today was 32 degrees and I got soaking wet

The front door open

The garage door open

Why do those people not close the doors???

Let’s just say that some are idiots 🤣

I have not eaten anything proper the whole day 😂

Have a great night and sleep well

Hulda Bjornsdottir

Another day

19th of September 2022

What a day it has been

The morning was fine and the sun shining

Now it’s evening and some clouds appearing

Looking like rain and thunderstorms during the night and tomorrow

I lost control of my temper 😭 and am not too happy about it but will survive

I seem to be walking in circles and getting to the same place again and again

A decision has to be made but until I’m absolutely sure I must keep calm

Next month will be fine and I will stay calm I hope

I’m loving myself more today than yesterday and moving forward to seeing how great I am even though I shouted and screamed

I’m worried about my heart but tomorrow I will know what to do if I make it to see my handsome wonderful doctor. He will tell me what to do.

Keeping calm is important and listen carefully 😂

The future is almost over for today and tomorrow a new future starts when I wake up

The day is over and nothing can be changed about this day

Dvelling on the past is useless

Looking at the future is different and can be used as a guideline

I want my situation to change but first I need to accept, truly accept the now

Wise man once said to me that happiness is self-respect

I’m looking into my heart and soul, asking for guidance

Have a good night wherever you are in the world

Hulda Bjornsdottir

Why don’t they close the front door?

18 th September 2022

Why do the people on the ground floor always keep the front door open?

Are they inviting thieves and animals into the condominium?

I. Close the door and they open it

There’s a sign on the door where you are asked to keep the door closed for your security

It makes me wonder what those people are thinking

This is the only condominium in the neighborhood where the front door is kept open

A good day is almost gone

17 th September 2022

Today the hills have been different

Solutions and work have appeared today

Carrying 40 kilos of soil upstairs was a great exercise and more bags left in the garden

The neighborhood is strange

The front door of my condomínio is left open and the cats and dogs enter

Where is the security in those persons mind?

A dog shit in front of my garage and inside as well. No wonder when the door is kept open day and night

What is wrong with those people?

The only condominium where the front door is open most of the time?

Complaints are useless

I just have to get my tree house and move

My love life seems to be blooming and that feels soooooooo beautiful.

The future is ahead and every new day is different. I get frustrated one day and the next one I’m fine

Just a normal person trying to figure out the meaning of the existence

My flowers are happy with the cooler weather and now the winter time is just around the corner. I’m not complaining

Figuring out who you are is a huge task but one day at a time, one breath at a time and we will get there

I wish you a good night’s rest

Hulda Bjornsdottir

The stairs are endless

It feels like I am climbing stairs all the time.

I truly hope that I will get out of the snow that is surrounding me and I putting my head down to be able to move forward.

It has been a struggle and I never ask for help but I did now.

I have no idea what will happen but I know one thing.

My spirit is alive and my body is functioning, in some ways even better than decades ago.

Tomorrow I will know what will happen.

I feel kind of numb.

I don´t feel anxious, just numb.

A strange feeling but interesting.

Will I get out of the snow and will it lighten up or will the snow continue?

What is ging to happen to me?

Why do I feel just calm and nub?

Why don´t I feel surprised and disappointed?

A new day and a new beginning is ahead.

At least I tried everything.

Thank God for my life and protect my loved one

Tomorrow I will continue. Tonight I will rest.

Hulda Björnsdóttir

Age is just a number! Its nothing else!

16. September 2022

I have to admit that I am truly pissed off this morning.

According to the system I am too old for everything.

I am too old for the banks.

I am too old for being healthy.

I am too old for being spoken to like a grown up.

I should, according to the system, just sit down and wait for death.

I am totally useless according to the system.

I am truly angry, being treated like this.

Why am I so angry?

Well, I need 2700 EUR to take care of a very important matter.

I have been contacting people this morning asking about lenders here in the country where I live.

I got some suggestions and made contact with 2 companies, but, sorry, you are too old!

I could scream.

I am reliable, I pay all my bills on right time and people that know me, know this, but the bloody system is like a thick wall.

Why are we treated like idiots if we are not young in years?

Why?

Why?

There is no way I am going to give up but I am so terribly angry and humiliated.

Why should I not have the same right to have a future as 40 years old?

Why do people talk down to me just because I am at certain age?

Why am I crying out angry?

I think this is so unfair and I am a fighter, that’s why I am shouting and screaming.

I know there are many more than me that feel the same way and I am shouting for all of us.

There is no way we will stop being alive and thriving, even though we don´t have the decency to just shut up and keep quiet when we are certain aga.

Bloody hell,

Age is just a number.

Sorry about the language.

Hulda Bjornsdottir