My thoughts shared with you

17th January 2023

Another day is almost over.

Another day of expectations and no results

Another day of rising up and being confident that everything happens for a reason.

Not a bad day for emotional turmoil, the turmoil has not arrived yet and I am more or less at ease.

The difference from last days is that I seem to accept what is and more or less let past be past and believe in the future.

I am proud of me not giving in to the temptation to do what I could not do.

I was going to, but I changed my mind. It may have consequences but I am fine with that. I am at least responsible to myself and respect my limits. This is new for me in this situation and I am happy about myself.

Someone else may not be too happy, but now I have to stay firm and believe in what I am doing and trust the universe to take care of everything.

If I am asked for help I have to put myself first. This is something I remember my good friend say to me again and again. I am finally listening to his words.

I can not sacrifice everything for anyone. If I don´t take care of myself I will be useless for everyone.

This is what I am taking from this day.

I have to be number one to be able to help others.

Putting me in third place is simply sick.

Today I have not cried.

Today I have not been out because of the bad weather, but I have been more or less just content.

The problems have not disappeared but my attitude is changing I believe.

I am optimistic and I am waiting to see what happens.

Whatever the outcome is I will accept it with open heart and respect the universe.

The universe knows better than I what is in store for me.

It’s cold but I am lucky to have warm clothes and wood.

I have managed to pay almost all my bills this month, and those 2 who are left will be paid on the last day of the month so everything will be a clean sheet on the first of February.

The currency of the Icelandic krona is horrible but I will manage.

The gas bill is high but I will also manage.

Everything is going to be fine.

Hulda Bjornsdottir

16 th of January 2023

Its Monday and a new week. Now we have just 2 more weeks to survive through this month.

Yesterday was not a bad day but suddenly in the evening I cried again like my heart was breaking.

What happened?

I don´t know.

It came just out of the blue.

Today so far has been almost normal.

It’s been raining a lot in my little village and the country is on cold warning.

The wind is blowing as well.

There are layers and layers on my body to keep me warm and I even managed to look decent, despite all the clothes!

I am praying and believing that everything will eventually turn out ok, and now it is just to be patient and calm.

If I need to cry, I cry.

If I need to laugh, I laugh.

If I want to be happy, I will be.

The goal is to accept what is and not try to control anything, just to let what is coming come, and make sure everything will be as it is supposed to be.

I am optimistic about this day.

I am grateful for being alive.

I am grateful for being loved.

I am grateful for being strong.

I am grateful for the beauty in the sadness.

I am grateful for the love and light that embraces me and my loved ones.

I think the universe is on my side.

Hulda Björnsdóttir.

15 th of January 2023

It’s Sunday afternoon and almost evening

This day has been so far good.

I’ve not cried today and I’ve been able to concentrate.

I slept late but before that I woke up at 3 in the night and didn’t sleep again until almost morning so I slept till 10 o’clock

I’ve washed clothes, hung up and changed the bedclothes.

The living room has been pleasantly warmish today with the fire

Tomorrow is Monday and a new week. the month half way to the end. Time flying and the future still in turmoil.

I’m trying to trust in the universe and be grateful for what I have and expecting the best

Accepting what is and believe in what will be.

This is a good time to just sit and meditate, looking at what I truly believe in.

Tomorrow is a new beginning. This day is a memory and I am getting through it almost like a normal person

I’m sending love and light to the universe and to those who protect me and my loved ones

We can’t do it alone

We need help from higher power

Hulda Björnsdóttir

14th of January 2023

Its a new day and tomorrow is a new week.

Yesterday was not too bad.

I went to Coimbra and met some nice people and forgot for a while about my situation.

I got a warm hug from a friend there and it helped a lot.

I didn´t sleep a lot during the night and I am getting thinner every day.

It is complicated but I will survive, just have to take it one day at a time and make the most of each moment.

I feel the pain the loved one is going through and it is affecting me. I truly wish I didn´t have this ability which some call a gift but I call a course.

We are who we are cant change that but sometimes we can adjust.

The month is halfway through and next week will arrive whatever I say.

I am optimistic sometimes during each day and that is good. When I fall back into the despair I know I will get up again and accept what is.

Today I need to rest a bit and try something new.

There is always hope.

Hulda Björnsdóttir

14. janúar 2023

Það er undarlegt að vera sökuð um að reyna að drepa börnin á efri hæðinni með því að kveikja upp í arninum þegar kallinn stendur úti með dóttur sína við hlið sér og vindurinn feykir sígaréttureyknum beint framan í barnið. Það er ekki óholt!

Ég kunni ekki við að taka mynd af greyinu þar sem hann var með barnið en þessi er þegar stelpan er farin yfir götuna.

Frúin á neðri hæðinni kom út og spurði hann hvernig gengi með reykinni inni hjá honum og það sást á látbragði að allt var að fara til fjandans vegna brjáluðu kellingarinnar fyrir neðan hann, semsagt verið að tala um mig!

Hann hefur lýst því yfir að þau séu öll hóstandi og alveg að farast en eina manneskjan sem ég heyri hósta er kallinn og það er eðlilegt þar sem hann er stórreykingamaður. þeir hósta jú upp slíminu á morgnana og yfir daginn!

Þetta er bara hlægilegt og ég bíð róleg eftir næstu uppákomu þegar hann safnar liði og bankar upp á aftur.

Þetta ágæta fólk fór ekki niður og bar út 25 fötur af vatni úr kjallaranum. Nei, þau létu það bara vera og þóttust ekki sjá hvað var að gerast. Sem betur fer hefur ekki ringt í 3 daga og mér tókst nokkurn vegin að koma öllu vatninu út áður en næsta törn hefst.

Það er auðvitað ágætis líkamsrækt að beygja sig og moka vatni upp í fötur og bera svo út og henda . Ég er ekki viss um að hjartað í mér þoli margar svona lotur en það kemur í ljós.

Mér finnst þetta allt ferlega andstyggilegt en á ekki kost á því að flytja burt svo valið er að bretta upp ermar og gefa vitleysingum langt nef eða þannig.

Hulda Bjornsdottir

13 th of January 2023

Its anther day and the desperation continue.

Seeing the woman downstairs talking to the Syrian smoking in front of his daughter and pointing to my window is devastating.

Does cigarette smoke not affect the children? I would assume so according to scientific.

No, that is not a problem for him, the problem is the woman who dares to light her fireplace to keep some warmth in her body.

He has not come down again to complain.

He did not go to the garage and carry the water out.

Neither he or Dahlias husband did anything about the flood in the garage. They simply don´t care. The only thing they care about is breaking the woman in the middle.

I have to admit it is affecting me.

I just want to be left in piece.

I have more serious problems in my life than idiots like the Syrian and those who stand by him.

I was thinking the morning that I need to find someone to talk to about my emotional situation just to relieve the pressure from my mind.

I have been crying again and I know what is affecting me but there is nothing I can do except waiting and praying that everyone is safe.

I am truly trying to accept what is and believe in what will be.

I do pray to God which I normally don´t do much of.

I have somehow to get my strength back to be able to handle whatever comes my way.

Writing helps.

There are people in my life that are true friends and would support me if I spoke about how I feel but I am afraid of crying and totally loosing it.

My veggies arrived yesterday and we were talking a little like we always do and I almost broke down. This is my emotional situation at the moment. If someone is nice to me, I break.

Its another day and the 13 th of this month.  Every day is a blessing in a way.

I will get through this and perhaps the outcome will be exactly what I want it to be. Until then I have to be strong.

Crying is ok, it relieves the worst pain for a while.

Hulda Bjornsdottir

12th of January 2023

A new day has arrived and the outside is terribly grey.

Last night I dreamt I lost my teeth and that means someone I care about is going to die.

It’s not a good feeling but I have to accept it.

This morning I felt like a zombie not really wanting to wake up.

It feels like I have given up but somehow, I can’t completely.

I am most likely suffering from depression and don´t know how to handle it.

I have not cried this morning, not so far, but I feel somehow empty and not wanting to do anything.

Yesterday was a strange day, I went to the garage and brought out 25 buckets of water from the floor and was totally physically exhausted which felt in a way right.

The water is coming into my garage so I have to carry it out. It is difficult because of my heart condition. And this was my activity yesterday.

Today I don´t know how I will get through the day. I did not sleep much last night and I could not eat much for breakfast and I should be having lunch right now but I don´t feel hungry.

Yes, you are right I am complaining.

One day at a time I have to survive.

I have to keep in mind that “sometimes all I can do is accept what is – Let go of what was – and have faith in what will be”

I wish this day was over.

I wish this month was over.

I wish I knew how the next month will be.

I hope I get a sign that I can recognise and it will tell me what to expect.

I have to keep up hope but my life has to change.

I can´t keep going like these last months, hoping for something to happen and not truly believing in what will be.

I must keep my mind more or less in order and get through every day.

I am just so tired.

Hulda Bjornsdottir

Yesterday I got a call from this number 965 972 671

It was a man speaking in Portuguese and said he was calling because of a friend.

I asked him quickly if he spoke English and he said no and I told him in English to find someone who did.

Who was this?
I assume it’s somebody who the sirian found to call because of my fireplace.

The sirian said that I’m killing his family with smoke from my fireplace. If it’s a problem for him he should close his fireplace and he would not smell my fire more than I smell his smoking cigarettes.

I smell when he makes coffee early in morning. I’m not complaining.

This is what happens if you live in a condominium with no insulation.

He has not knocked at my door after the shouting at me on Christmas day. Maybe some of his friends do see Facebook and have seen that next time that happens I will call the police and now his solution is to have his friends call me.

That’s not going to work for him either.

11 th of January 2023

A new day has risen and new tasks follow

It was not a good beginning of this morning.

I feel heartbroken and sad

I have been crying like my heart is falling out of my body but at the moment I am not crying

I don´t know how to survive but I know I will, it just takes time.

What is devastating that I want to believe I am wrong and everything will be fine but I am afraid that I have been seriously wrong in my believing in people.

This is perhaps the hardest to accept.

I don´t know if I was wrong and the people who advised me were right.

At the moment I don´t know but as time passes and nothing changes, I will understand that it was all my mistake and the result is falling down emotionally and using all the power I have got inside me to rise up.

The morning is bright in my little village and the sun is shining.

I have been watering my flowers, just to try to think about something beautiful and true.

I am not sure how I would have survived through these times without my flowers. They somehow sooth my mind and make me see the beauty in life.

I am sure I am not alone in the world feeling like I do today but that does not help me a lot.

I asked God to help me, I truly begged him to ease the pain and give me faith in my life.

Its not far from crying again but I am surviving.

I always survive all the storms in my life but I am truly tired of it all.

I wanted my last years on this earth to be calm and happy.

These days there is just turmoil and broken heart.

All I can do is survive and have faith in the future.

I believe I can but it will take time and when I am completely sure that I made a big mistake then the recovery will come rapidly.

The serenity comes from accepting the things I can not change and change what I can. I am not there yet but I know I will be there one day.

Hulda Bjornsdottir

10th of January 2023

Its been a while since my last blog

I have been thinking if I should just close my blog and go on with my life.

I’m going to continue at least for some weeks and see if I am seriously ready to let it go.

This is a new year and a new beginning in many ways.

The past is past and the future is now.

Sometimes all I can do is accept what is, let go of what was and have faith in what will be.

One day at a time I wake up and make the most possible of each day on this new year.

Sometimes it is hard, sometimes it is easier but I always somehow manage to survive.

The Syrians upstairs are mad. He tried to attack me on Christmas day because I was killing his children when using my fireplace. It´s freezing cold in my little land and I have got wood downstairs. The man is crazy and that is not my problem.

He will be back, and I will call 112 and the police and the bombeiros will arrive.

He hit my car some weeks ago and I did not call the police then.

I am patient and a good neighbour but the claws are now out and next time anything happens he will realize that I am a woman who can take care of my rights and no stupid man will ever manage to break me.

There is a limit of how far you can go in manipulation.

Anyway, a lot is happening in my life and it will be interesting how the next weeks play out. Many good changes are at the horizon and I look forward to the adventure.

I lost implants, 3 teeth from my mouth in October and am truly lucky to have a wonderful dentist taking care of me. The next 5 or six months will be the procedure and so far everything is healing well. The problem is that I have got osteoporosis and the medicine I have taken is kind of hampering the process.

The winter is cold and it has been raining a lot in my little land. We needed the water and are trying to be grateful for the angels sending the water down but we miss the sun!

I am lucky to have tons of warm clothes and can put on layers to keep me warm. The bed is always warm with my wonderful Chinese duvet, and sometimes it is tempting not to get up in the morning, into the cold, but who cares, I just put quickly on the thermal layers and everything is perfect.

Hulda Bjornsdottir