My thoughts shared with you

11 th of January 2023

A new day has risen and new tasks follow

It was not a good beginning of this morning.

I feel heartbroken and sad

I have been crying like my heart is falling out of my body but at the moment I am not crying

I don´t know how to survive but I know I will, it just takes time.

What is devastating that I want to believe I am wrong and everything will be fine but I am afraid that I have been seriously wrong in my believing in people.

This is perhaps the hardest to accept.

I don´t know if I was wrong and the people who advised me were right.

At the moment I don´t know but as time passes and nothing changes, I will understand that it was all my mistake and the result is falling down emotionally and using all the power I have got inside me to rise up.

The morning is bright in my little village and the sun is shining.

I have been watering my flowers, just to try to think about something beautiful and true.

I am not sure how I would have survived through these times without my flowers. They somehow sooth my mind and make me see the beauty in life.

I am sure I am not alone in the world feeling like I do today but that does not help me a lot.

I asked God to help me, I truly begged him to ease the pain and give me faith in my life.

Its not far from crying again but I am surviving.

I always survive all the storms in my life but I am truly tired of it all.

I wanted my last years on this earth to be calm and happy.

These days there is just turmoil and broken heart.

All I can do is survive and have faith in the future.

I believe I can but it will take time and when I am completely sure that I made a big mistake then the recovery will come rapidly.

The serenity comes from accepting the things I can not change and change what I can. I am not there yet but I know I will be there one day.

Hulda Bjornsdottir

10th of January 2023

Its been a while since my last blog

I have been thinking if I should just close my blog and go on with my life.

I’m going to continue at least for some weeks and see if I am seriously ready to let it go.

This is a new year and a new beginning in many ways.

The past is past and the future is now.

Sometimes all I can do is accept what is, let go of what was and have faith in what will be.

One day at a time I wake up and make the most possible of each day on this new year.

Sometimes it is hard, sometimes it is easier but I always somehow manage to survive.

The Syrians upstairs are mad. He tried to attack me on Christmas day because I was killing his children when using my fireplace. It´s freezing cold in my little land and I have got wood downstairs. The man is crazy and that is not my problem.

He will be back, and I will call 112 and the police and the bombeiros will arrive.

He hit my car some weeks ago and I did not call the police then.

I am patient and a good neighbour but the claws are now out and next time anything happens he will realize that I am a woman who can take care of my rights and no stupid man will ever manage to break me.

There is a limit of how far you can go in manipulation.

Anyway, a lot is happening in my life and it will be interesting how the next weeks play out. Many good changes are at the horizon and I look forward to the adventure.

I lost implants, 3 teeth from my mouth in October and am truly lucky to have a wonderful dentist taking care of me. The next 5 or six months will be the procedure and so far everything is healing well. The problem is that I have got osteoporosis and the medicine I have taken is kind of hampering the process.

The winter is cold and it has been raining a lot in my little land. We needed the water and are trying to be grateful for the angels sending the water down but we miss the sun!

I am lucky to have tons of warm clothes and can put on layers to keep me warm. The bed is always warm with my wonderful Chinese duvet, and sometimes it is tempting not to get up in the morning, into the cold, but who cares, I just put quickly on the thermal layers and everything is perfect.

Hulda Bjornsdottir

10. janúar 2023

Það er sárgrætilegt að sjá hvernig krónan djöflast nú og verðmæti hennar verður að engu.

Hvað er eiginlega að gerast núna?

Hvers vegna stekur hún eins og púkinn á fjósþakinu?

Hvað er seðlabankinn að gera?

Það þarf enginn að segja mér að það væri ekki hægt að koma í veg fyrir þessi stökk og það þarf heldur ekki að reyna að sannfæra mig um að einhverjar hástemmdar yfirlýsingar komi mér í skilning um að þetta sé jú bara svona af því að krónan er ekki EVRA.

Þetta er allt af mannavöldum.

Þeir ríku verða ríkarai og þeir fátæku fátækari, þannig er þetta á Íslandi og hefur líklega alltaf verið.

Ég skil ekki að fólk, almenningur, skuli ekki kveikja á perunni og sjá hvað þetta er allt saman heimatilbúið og gert af yfirlögðu ráði.

Nú koma einhverjir spekingar og ætla sér að koma þessari konu í skilning um að hún skilji ekkert.

Gott og vel. Ég get vel viðurkennt að ég er ekki jafn gáfuð eða mikilfengleg og skaftalingarnir sem tala niður til mín.

Þessir skaftalingar eru glaðir með sitt og er alveg skít sama um hvernig ég og aðrir líkir mér fara að því að gera skynsamlegar áætlanir og horfa á þær allar fjúka út um gluggann út í veður og vind.

Mikið pakk er þetta sem stjórnar með handstýringu gengi krónunnar.

Ég held áfram að vera EKKI skaftalingur, og ég held áfram að rífa mig þegar mér sýnist og gefa skaftalingunum langt nef. Þið eruð heimskingjarnir sem skiljið ekki venjulegt bókhald.

Hulda Björnsdóttir

25. desember 2022

Dyrabjöllunni var hringt og öskrandi menn fyrir utan

ég fór til dyra og þar stóðu 2 karlmenn, kallinn uppi sem er annað hvort frá Siriu eða Morokkó, og hinn var sá sem er frá Braisliu, risastór og mikill gaur.

Erinndi þessara tveggja var að segja mér að það væri reykur uppi hjá kallinum fyrir ofan þegar ég kveikti upp í arninum.

Siriinn argaði og gargaði og ég hélt að hann ætlaði að berja mig. Hinn hélt aftur af honum. Þetta gekk nokkurn tíma og þá kom nágranni af neðri hæðinni til þess að athuga hvað væri í gangi.

Forsaga málsins er að fyrir nokkrum vikum kom kallinn og kvartaði yfir reyk. Ég fékk mann til þess að skoða hvað væri í gangi og þá kom í ljós að rör úti upp úr strompi er of stutt, eða eitthvað svoleiðis

Ég bauðst til að láta laga strompinn fyrir nokkrum vikum en sá brjálaði vildi ekki að ég gerði það og sagði að þetta væri vandamál condominiums, sem er auðvitað rétt en þá þarf að tala við þau, ég bauð honum að koma með mér og tala við companíið en það vildi hann ekki.

Eftir nokkra umhugsun ákvað ég að drepast ekki úr kulda og eftir að ég spurði fyrrverandi nágranna hvort þetta hefði verið valdamál þegar þau bjuggu fyrir ofan mig sagði hann ekki svo vera.

Þetta er ekki það eina sem sá brjálaði hefur gert.

Fyrir nokkrum dögum hafði kallinn lagt of nærri mínum bíl og komst ekki út úr stæðinu. hann gerði sér lítið fyrir og keyrði inn í minn og færði hann þannig. Ég horfði á þetta og auðvelt hefði verið fyrir vitleysinginn að koma og hringja dyrabjöllunni og biðja mig að færa minn bíl en það var of mikil fyrirhöfn. Kellingin hans argaði og gargaði af svölunum og þau vildu ekki að ég kallaði á lögregluna.

Ég bauð kallinum áðan, þegar hann gargaði yfir reyknum að kalla á lögregluna, en það vildi hann ekki.

Það er eitthvað einkennilegt við þetta all saman. Hann keyrir á flottum stórum bens og ég sé hann aldrei fara til vinnu á morgnana og koma á kvöldin. Auðvitað gæti hann unnið á netinu en þetta er einkennilegt.

Á morgun ætlar nágranninn niðri að taka þann argandi til Ansiao og tala við condominum companíið! Hann vill fara með henni en vildi engan vegin fara með mér þegar ég fór fyrir nokkrum vikum, eftir fyrsta kvart frá gaurnum.

Þetta fólk er brjálað. Það er ekki nokkur vafi á því og ég er dauðhrædd. Auðvitað átti ég að taka þetta upp á símann hjá mér og næst geri ég það þegar gaurinn lemur dyrnar.

Nú þori ég auðvitað ekki fyrir mitt litla líf að kveikja í arninum og sit í kuldanum.

Mann helvítið er brjálaður. Hann hefði getað talað við mig um málið í rólegheitum en kaus að garga og ógna mér. Hefði hinn ekki haldið aftur af honum væri ég líklega ekki að skrifa þetta.

Næst kalla ég á lögregluna um leið og hann ræðst að mér, það er alveg víst. Og auðvitað tek ég hann upp á símann máli mínu til stuðnings.

Eitthvað verður að láta undan og ég er ekki viss um hvað það verður.

Þessi jóladagur verður minnisstæður, það eitt er víst.

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3rd of October 2022

Good evening

This is just a thought

I make mistakes, again and again.

I am human and that is why.

There is a prayer that the AA people use and it is a wise one.

GOD GRANT ME THE SERENETY TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CAN NOT CHANGE AND CHANGE WHAT I CAN

I can not change the past.

I can change the future, i.e. the now.

I can regret the past and let it destroy my future, or I can accept the past and have my future bright and exciting. It is my choice.

I can be sad and angry and frustrated and disappointed but that does not change anything.

I don´t know if I have been fooled or if I have ben gullible or if I have just been naïve. I have most likely been all of this through my whole life.

Maybe I have just been true to myself and making the most of what I have had.

There are many ways to look at the past and there is also the opportunity to learn from it.

One thing is for sure.

The past is gone.

The past days and weeks are not what I would have liked them to be, but they were what they were and I accept that, because I can not change anything.

I don´t have to make a decision today about the future.

I just have to survive.

I will survive. I always do.

I am strong and I am healthy.

Tomorrow is coming and soon there will be a new year.

Next year will be different. I know that.

This year has been a struggle from day one and I am not going through the same again next year. That is in my power to change.

Now, as I have been doing for some time, I am going to make the most of my future today. I will make mistakes but most of the time I will be standing by my side and taking care of me and my happiness.

The fact is that if I am not happy with myself no one else can make me happy. The happiness is inside each and everyone and that is where to look for it.

MyI reader I wish you a good night and I hope your future will be ok.

Hulda Björnsdóttir

25.09.2022

I live in a condominium and am the only foreigner.

This has been my problem for a very long time.

Being the foreigner is not good in a community like this condominium.

All the problems are my fault according to the others.

I try to be very quiet and not make problems for anyone but that does not help.

For more than a decade the front door has been a sticking point.

The only condominium in the neighbourhood that is always with front door open!

The ones on the ground floor want it to be open all the time.

I go downstairs and close it and they go and open it. This is a war.

The company that takes care of everything has put a : for your security, keep the door closed, but the ones downstairs just ignore it.

I don’t understand why they do this.

It is cold and the garage door is open now all the time as well.

I am going to write the company once again but I don´t think it will change anything.

The solution is to keep quiet and bite my tong and just try to leave this forsaken hell.

I’m seriously going to look for a house somewhere, even though it would not be a wood house, just to get rid of those people in my life.

I have been giving vegetables to the neighbours next to me, every week now for a long time, just to help them with the cost of the family. This is not going to happen ever again.

I am angry or perhaps more hurt than angry.

The winter is coming and the weather getting cold which means that my apartment is even colder than when the front door is closed.

There is nothing I can do expect just try to leave.

So sad.

Hulda Bjornsdottir

24. september 2022

I forgot to write yesterday

My computer is slow and I didn´t remember that I do have a phone and can blog from there.

Yesterday was a rather good day.

I put up the thing for my trees to climb and now I am looking forward to see what happens. 2 screws and the bamboo are there waiting for the climbing.

My ginger is growing and the leaves in one of the pots are big and the other one is showing.

If I didn’t have my flowers my life would be less exciting these days.

The autumn has officially arrived and yesterday I turned the heat on in the bedroom. I am not going to be in 11 degrees for days and days without heating the radiator in the bedroom. The central heating can wait and I need to get some wood from somewhere.

I’m worried about the future.

I need 2.700-euro loan and have tried everything but the doors are closed because of my age.

Its annoying and makes me angry that if I was 10 years younger I could walk into every bank and get what I need but just a number of years closes all doors.

I even offered some people 20 percent interest rates, but everyone is busy with their own lives and I understand that.

I did find a company and I played them 100 EUR but then they asked for more money and I knew it was a scam so that one went into the blocked and reported category,

I just wonder how my future will be but I am not going to spoil the day with worrying.

I worry about my loved one and just hope my strength will travel to him. Every hurdle just makes me stronger and now I have to be strong for both of us while he is giving up.

I believe that everything happens for a reason. There is a reason for everything. Maybe we are just being tested by the universe and we will be free one day to enjoy our lives together until death us departs.

The sun is shining outside and I am optimistic even though disappointed to have all doors slammed in my face simply because of my age.

The trees are swaying outside and there are both shadows and sunshine at the same time, simply showing me that this is normal life and, in the end, everything will be fine, just as I believe.

I know what I want and I know I will do everything in my power to make it happen even though at this moment I don´t see any solutions.

Life is a challenge.

Some survive, and some don´t.

I am a survivor.

I look forward to my future. My happiness is just around the corner, and most of it is inside my heart, whatever the outer situation is.

Hulda Bjornsdottir

22. september 2022

I’m truly pissed off

I need a loan for 2.700 euro – 6 months and paying from December and am willing to pay 20 percent interest rate.

I have spoken to individuals, to the bank, to loan companies and everywhere I get a NO SORRY.

In they system I am too old.

I am too old to take a loan but I can be a guarantor for someone else and responsible for someone else’s loan.

The system is stupid.

I pay taxes, 37 % per year my whole 12 years here in Portugal.

Just because I am over 65 I am out of the system that I could use help from once during those 12 years.

I am so angry and this is so unfair but there is nothing I can do about it.

Screaming and shouting is what I can do but that does not help.

I found a company and negotiation began and everything looked good but they turned out to be scam.

Luckily I saw through the scam.

But screaming and shouting is what I am going to do now.

I feel humiliated and degraded.

Arrrrrrrggggggg

20th of September 2022

I went to the hospital today to see Dr Pedro.

My heart is more or less the same as 6 months ago but in June I will decide to have a pacemaker.

I drove home during rush hour and the traffic was huge

Tried to take another route but not lucky and drove around until I came to the hospital again

The evening is beautiful

The weather is ok but today was 32 degrees and I got soaking wet

The front door open

The garage door open

Why do those people not close the doors???

Let’s just say that some are idiots 🤣

I have not eaten anything proper the whole day 😂

Have a great night and sleep well

Hulda Bjornsdottir

19th of September 2022

What a day it has been

The morning was fine and the sun shining

Now it’s evening and some clouds appearing

Looking like rain and thunderstorms during the night and tomorrow

I lost control of my temper 😭 and am not too happy about it but will survive

I seem to be walking in circles and getting to the same place again and again

A decision has to be made but until I’m absolutely sure I must keep calm

Next month will be fine and I will stay calm I hope

I’m loving myself more today than yesterday and moving forward to seeing how great I am even though I shouted and screamed

I’m worried about my heart but tomorrow I will know what to do if I make it to see my handsome wonderful doctor. He will tell me what to do.

Keeping calm is important and listen carefully 😂

The future is almost over for today and tomorrow a new future starts when I wake up

The day is over and nothing can be changed about this day

Dvelling on the past is useless

Looking at the future is different and can be used as a guideline

I want my situation to change but first I need to accept, truly accept the now

Wise man once said to me that happiness is self-respect

I’m looking into my heart and soul, asking for guidance

Have a good night wherever you are in the world

Hulda Bjornsdottir