There is hope! If you struggle with depression please reach out to someone!

27. May 2020

I was thinking about the people who now or even before have been struggling with depression.

I found this song  MAD WORLD  on YouTube and it feels like in this song all my thoughts about those of you who are struggling, are expressed.

We are in a difficult situation.

We are in times of isolation and despair, but we can not loose hope. There is hope. There will be normal again. If you are struggling with depression please reach out to your friends or just someone. I know the doctors might be willing to talk to you.

I beg of you all, don´t give up. Don´t believe this is going to be the norm in the future.

We will be able to hug each other and kiss. We just have to be patient and believe.

I wish you all my people who read this, a brighter future and hope you will be able to stay strong.

At the moment the world is mad, like in the song lyrics, but it will become normal, I am sure of it.

Hulda Björnsdóttir

I know! I promised to behave and I have, so this is me contemplating about different faces of love!

24th of May 2020

Good morning

I have been thinking about love these last weeks and the different faces of the phenomenon.

Love is something you should not talk about, not too much anyway!

Is that so?

I’m not sure. There are different faces of love and I think we should be able to talk about them all without shame.

There is love for your children and there is love from your children. Not everyone does get that kind of love. Some people never have children and others have not been perfect parents and don´t get their children’s love because of that.

Then there is love for another person, the one you fall in love with!

That is just as complicated as any other kind of love, and perhaps more.

You fall in love with another person, you perhaps get married and then you realise that the love was just a shadow of what you expected and off you go.

You fall in love with your mentor and you love him or her for the rest of your life.

You don´t have love for your parents and then you find someone else to compensate. Nothing wrong with that and perhaps the best solution in a bad situation.

Someone gave you your life and there is no guaranty that those individuals are the ones you want as your parents and you don’t want to love them. That is also fine.

Love is complicated, I admit that, but it is worth contemplating about and reminding ourselves about loving us, yes I am saying US, is perhaps the foundation. If you don´t love yourself you can´t love others. That might be difficult to understand, especially if you are in a co-dependent situation.

We are, some of us at least, taught that loving self is selfish!

Is love for you selfish?  That is a great question which I am not sure how to answer. I am almost sure that I have not loved myself for a very long time and that has hampered me in giving my unconditional love to others.

Being a rape victim as a child changes everything. You lose your childhood and become a grown up in a second.

You become a teenager and you become 18 years old which means you are a grown up according to rules and regulation but there is a whole in your life. You never enjoyed childhood. You learned that love is ugly and painful.  You might even look for love your whole adult hood without ever finding it.

You might have thought that children would love you and make you feel loved.

You might have thought that another person would make you feel loved, but you never found that one.

You might keep looking and being disappointed again and again because those you chose to love are not able to love, but they fit into your image of yourself.

Co-dependency is interesting to study. It explains a lot and it helps you to understand you and your situation.

When you find yourself worthy of loving you, everything makes sense and you tread the road to happiness.

Loving your life becomes true and easy.

Loving others becomes like drinking water.

Receiving love from others becomes safe and allowed to happen.

I have been working hard these last months to learn to love me.

I am on the road and everything is happening fast. I realise that I am worthy of love and with that feeling comes another one. I realise that it is ok for me let someone know me just as I am, all of me, not just bits and pieces.  What a relieve it was to know I am worthy of someone knowing the true me.

Every day I sit down and make sure I am treading the road I want to tread. I look at myself in the mirror and think about how great this woman is. I am not ashamed of admitting my self-worth, not anymore.

It took a long time but I have arrived at the threshold and am slowly stepping over it, one day at a time.

I´m grateful for my life and I love it dearly. I would not be who I am if not for the love of dear friends who have never given up on believing in me even when I did not believe in myself.

Thank for being my friend.

Thank you for your support and patience.

And most of all, thank you my parents who gave me my life.

Hulda Björnsdóttir

Thank you for your birthday greetings yesterday

23rd of May 2020

Good morning my friends

I want to begin this morning by saying THANK YOU for the wonderful birthday wishes you sent me yesterday.

In isolation and having a great birthday is complicated but you all made it something I will remember forever.

The love and caring from you all made my day.

Now a new beginning starts and your thoughts will follow me.

Thank you all from my heart.

Now a new chapter starts.

What does it have in store for me?

Will my life be different this year or what?

Having friends all around the world is amazing.  I am lucky be be embraced by you all when needed and I thank you.

I got one message yesterday that described the situation perfectly. On these days of social distance the hugs are the words!  So true and the picture shows a couple hugging, one is human and the other one is words, shaped like a person.

I tried to reply to all the messages I got and I think I managed well. Sitting there and thinking about the friend I was replying to made me feel embraced with love.

The moment is now! I’m trying to figure it out!

The excitement is I have no idea about to morrow and I even don´t know about the next hour! What will I be doing the next hour is the future, the only thing I know that now I am writing this to you and listening to music.

Have a wonderful day wherever you are my friend!

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Hulda Björnsdóttir

 

 

Today is my 75th birthday !

22nd of May 2020

Today is my birthday, my 75th birthday which for some might seem a lot.

A friend said to me this morning: I thought you were MUCH younger!

I feel younger than I did 10 years ago. How is that possible?

I have no idea. I just know that today I feel happier than ever and content which is great.

It has been a strange year, the 74th one, the year I thought everyone would be the same and everything would be just as usually.

No, everything changed. My heart got broken and mended again. My health got better and my physical age gained about 8 years. How about that?

Broken heart is an opportunity to change the circle of life and that I did. As I have said many times, the teacher arrives when you need him. My teacher was a surprise and enjoyable in many ways but also difficult and demanding. This teacher made me realise that trusting people is possible. This teacher taught me how trust can be safe and it can be ok to let someone know you just who you are and how you have changed during the years but the real you has been in hiding. This teacher helped me to find my way back and tread the new road with confidence and love. I am forever grateful for my teacher and what I learned. I am also lucky to continue to have that teacher in my life as my mentor as long as I want and is necessary.

During the years I have made sure no one person would know me completely. I chose friends and gave them a piece of the cake, they knew their piece well but nothing outside that one.

Being afraid to let anyone inside your soul and be prepared to share your soul with all the boxes, not just few, was a great challenge but I rose to it and now I enjoy the trust I was able to find.

The future is today. This day a new chapter in my life begins. What will it have in store for me is unknown but I am happy and excited. What I know is that taking care of my body and soul is number one in my well being and that I will do every day of the new beginning.

Great friends are my luck.

Having friends around the globe makes me a better person and I will learn every day to appreciate the all more and more.

I wish you all a wonderful day and future.

Dream about normal again and nourish your dreams, mould them and polish as you grow spiritually.

Hulda Björnsdóttir

I´m playing Pollyanna ! Just a thought shared with you !

  1. may 2020

I’ve got a plan

I need a plan

This is me playing Pollyanna

Everything is fine

We will be ok

This morning I got my veggies and had a long talk with my friend who brought them

Late in the morning 2 young men came to change the electric meter and I could talk to them

3 long talks and it’s just 14.04. Wonderful!

I´m starving for hugs and kisses. I dream about them and I think about them. After all I am Portuguese and hugging and kissing is our tradition.

While talking to a friend the other day he said: I will hug you! Just hearing him making the promise made me happy. I am collecting hugs and kisses when the vaccine is ready and in my body.

Now the heatwave is on its way to my little land and people will go to the beach. This is the test, how will we manage to keep the distance?

Having a plan is perfect and now I need to make the dream. I will paint it in colours and then mould it like clay until its perfect. Then I will mould a bit more and everything will fall into place. What more can I wish for?

I need a massage, a good full body massage. Fibromyalgia needs massage and I have not got any for a long time. There was a plan to begin the treatment just before the Covi and everything changed.

That was me complaining!

The conclusion is that I have a tendency to change my high soprano voice into a deeeeeeep bass!

How can that be happening? The deeper tones were a problem before the isolation.  Oh, it will change again. I just listen to my favourite singer Demis Roussos and everything will be ok.

My plan is perfect, it can be moulded and it will become the reality soon.

Enjoy what you can my dear reader. Today is the moment, tomorrow is not here yet and yesterday is over.

With love and light

Hulda Björnsóttir

Dream big! Don´t try to find the solution, just dream and visualise !

20 th of May 2020

Good morning
BOM DIA
Góðan daginn

14 degrees and grey but 24 later today

Dreams come true

Yesssss

This morning I’m going to my hairdresser
She is going to pamper my hair and make me beautiful again
Head massage I will get
I’m bringing my computer with me, the little one and write something between waiting time

Ohhhhhh I’m looking forward to this

I will be able to talk to her face to face and just be close in a way for a little while. She is my friend.

I decided to do this before the next wave of the covid and I don’t regret it.

Hugs and kisses to you all my friends

Beijinhos amigos e abraços grandes

Let’s dream big.

Part 2.

Yesssssss I got my haircut and look beautiful now.

I´m talking a lot about dreams these days. Why?

Because I believe dreams come true. I mould my dreams and they become real. I sometimes change them a little bit and they become more real every day.

If I don´t know what I want to happen in my life the best way is just accept what I have and never make any changes and the result will always be the same. If I am happy with my life and don´t want to change anything that´s fine. If I on the other hand want to move forward I do look at my dreams and decide if I want to change something and what?

After remoulding  my dreams I visualise them and BELIEVE they will become true.

This is the time to dream, no better time. We are looked up because of the Covid and have all the time in the world to realise what we miss and what would be great to have in our lives.

My dream today is to travel in 2022 to another country and full fill a dream I had many years ago. I have a plan, I have the dream and now I am beginning to mould everything and visualise. I have no doubt it will become true. It has been in my heart many years, hidden until recently. A gods gift arrived in my life and made me realise that this was what I wanted to do. Everything happening recently has convinced me I should make my dream come true. I have no idea how it will happen and don´t need to know, I just need to believe in the end result and the universe takes care of the rest. Life is wonderful, you just have to figure it out!

What do you want?

Do you know? If you don´t just look and you will find something that could be a tiny bit different.

Good luck with dreaming big and believing. Make your life great and joy embrace you every day.

Hulda Björnsdóttir

Þú MÁTT EKKI spara ef þú ert öryrki eða eftirlauna manneskja ! Galið íslenskt velferðarkerfi segir svo.

19.maí 2020

Ég fór að velta fyrir mér enn eina ferðina hvernig öryrkjar og eftirlaunafólk erlendis fara að því að komast af.

Núna þegar gengið er á fleygiferð og allt upp í loft hlýtur að vera erfitt að gera áætlandir til dæmis ef einhvern langar til að heimsækja ættingja og vini á Íslandi.

Ég skoðaði nokkra möguleika fyrir þá sem búa erlendis.

  1. Hægt væri að leggja fyrir í hverjum mánuði inn á íslenskan bankareikning og geyma þar til ferð væri farin.
  2. Hægt væri að millifæra peningana og leggja fyrir í erlendum banka þar sem viðkomandi hefur sín viðskipti erlendis.
  3. Hugsanlega væri hægt að fá einhvern vin á Íslandi til þess að leggja sparnaðinn í bankahólf og geyma þar.

Auðvitað ætti að vera einfaldast að leggja fyrir á Íslandi en það er ekki svo. Kerfið á landinu er svo klikkað að sparir þú í banka og fáir vexti ÞÁ LÆKKAR ÞAÐ SEM TRYGGINGASTOFNUN RÍKISINS GREIÐIR ÞÉR ÞVÍ VEXTIR ERU JÚ TEKJUR AÐ MATI STOFNUNARINNAR og Almannatryggingalaga.

Þú sparar og tapar á því?

Ha, þetta getur ekki verið?

Jú, þetta er svona.

Ég veit ekki hvort leið númer 3 er vænleg, allavega þyrfti vinurinn að vera traustsins verður.

Niðurstaða mín er því sú að best sé að millifæra til landsins þar sem þú býrð og spara þar, það er að segja ef kerfið er ekki jafn galið og á Íslandi.

Hér í Portúgal væri það besta leiðin fyrir mig.

Allt þetta krefst skipulags, ekki síst þar sem gengið er svo rokkandi og ekki hægt að stóla á neitt í þeim málum.

Hvenær ætlar þú til Íslands?

Hvað kostar flug fram og til baka?

Hvað ætlar þú að vera lengi?

Hvað þarftu að eyða miklu í kostnað á meðan þú dvelur í landinu?

Matur, húsnæði, bílaleigubíll, bensín, og fleira. Hvað kostar þetta á Íslandi?

Þegar þú svo hefur fundið út hvað þú getur sparað mikið og hvað kostnaðurinn verður við ferðina kemur að sparnaðinum.

Hvað geturður lagt mikið fyrir á mánuði  án þess að setja þig í vanda?

Hver er afgangurinn af mánaðartekjum þínum, t.d. eftirlaunum frá TR, lífeyrissjóði, örörkubótum?

Og þá kemur staðreyndi upp úr kassanum.

Öryrkjar hafa líklega ekki krónu til þess að leggja til hliðar. Þeir lepja dauðann úr skel alla daga mánaðarins, sem þýðir enga Íslandsferð fyrir þá.

Eftirlaunaþegar sem hafa flúið land til þess að deyja ekki úr hungri og vosbúð á Íslandi eiga hugsa ég ekki mikið afgangs til þess að fara í ferð til Íslands sem er jú ekki í ódýrari kantinum.

Á tímum gengis æðis eins og núna er þá eru í raun allar bjargir bannaðar fyrir venjulega öryrkja, fátækt fólk sem býr erlendis og eftirlaunafólk sem er með lágar tekjur.

Sittu bara heima og láttu þér nægja það sem þú hefur, gæti einhver sagt.

Þá spyr ég:

Þegar verið er að tala um lífsgæði fólks er það bara matur, húsaskjól og klæði? Eru lífsgæði þessara hópa önnur en venjulegra Íslendinga? Ég veit að gæðin eru ekki þau sömu og hjá elítunni. Ég er bara að tala um venjulega Íslendinga.

Eru ferðalög til dæmis ekki stór partur af lífsgæðum fólks?

Ég veit að núna eru aðstæður í heiminum þannig að enginn ferðast neitt. Það kemur þó að því að normal verður aftur í veröldinni og þá vill fólk njóta lífsgæða, jafnvel í litlum mæli.

Endalaust er níðst á þeim fátæku og þeir látnir gjalda fyrir hörmungar heimsins og spillingu mafíósa.

Mér finnst þó taka út yfir allan þjófabálk að á meðan hægt væri að spara nokkrar krónur þar sem ekkert er normal í bili þá er íslenska velferðarkerfið svo GALIÐ að það er ekki hægt að spara því sparnaðurinn RÝRIR það sem greitt er úr kerfinu til þeirra sem eru öryrkjar eða eftirlaunafólk.

Ég garga enn eina ferðina þegar mér verður ljóst að skilaboð ríksstjórnar Katrínar og Bjarna eru að við séum letingjar og eigum ekki að fá greitt fyrir að GERA EKKI NEITT, jafnvel þó við höfum lagt grunn að því velferðarkerfi sem ÆTTI að vera fyrir alla, með vinnu okkar í áratugi og greiðslu skatta og lögbundinna gjalda til þjóðfélagsins.

Ég arga út í tómið og pólitíkusarnir hunsa mig því þeim er skítsama.

Hulda Björnsdóttir