My thoughts shared with you

23rd of June 2023

Yesterday was a good day.

I went in the morning to have the surgery and then home and ice on my face until I slept late in the evening.

The 2 doctors were perfect.

They did everything with extra care because of the situation of my bones in general.

Everything will be fine after few weeks.

I’m eating liquid food for 4 days and found a clever way. I just put everything in the blender, the soup I made and the turkey I have already cooked and everything is just a smooth liquid.

There is always a solution.

This morning the Syrian was complaining about me with Dahlia. I don´t understand why she is listening to him, there is going to be a meeting next Tuesday at the condominium. I don´t expect it to be because people are coming home from work and don´t go to meetings like this early in the evening.

That is fine. I am not going downstairs until I see that everyone is there.

If they are not then I leave.

I have decided to record the meeting.

I think the Syrian was threatening to take me to court because of something.

I am a very quiet neighbour and don´t bother them.

I pay my taxes here but they don´t: He doesn’t work anywhere so I and other taxpayers take care of him.

He must have money because he bought the apartment.

Very strange situation but what can I do?

I just continue with my life and leave idiots to their own idiocrasy.

Hulda Bjornsdottir

21 st of June 2023

I am truly angry today

Its not a good feeling but I am allowing me to be angry.

I could not sleep well and kept thinking about how I could have been so naïve for more than 2 years.

Why didn’t I rise up and leave long time ago?

Why did I continue to feel guilty when I looked at the picture and saw just a kind face?

Why did I not listen to my gut feeling?

Why am I not at piece already?

All those questions swam around my mind during the night.

Of course, I will be ok eventually and stop thinking about the slimy disgusting snake!

I just need time.

Now its one month since I finally told him to go away!

One month after 36 months of manipulation is not a long time and when I look at myself, I am proud of how strong I am.

Tomorrow is a surgery day and some days ahead where I can take care of myself and be kind to myself and nourish my body and my soul.

I am already prepared. I have taken the antibiotics but it is complicated what to eat during the first week.

I can´t just eat soupe in every meal!

I am going to the supermarket in the afternoon and figure it out.

I’ve got plenty of ice to put on and perhaps I will be freezing to death, but, there will be over 30 degrees during next days so maybe it will be ok!

It’s a really beautiful day even though its cloudy.

I love the grey clouds when the sun is trying to get through but doesn’t manage.

It did rain last night and the flowers downstairs are happy.

My new laptop is absolutely perfect.

My printer, 12 years old, died and now I have found another one that I will invest in after few days.

It feels good to be financially free and be able to do what I want to do without worrying about how to support a grown up man!

I often thought about how my situation would be if he came and was sick all the time, like he has been the years I have known.  He said, when I asked him, that everything would be different when he was here. He would not be sick, just working and paying back all the money I had given him!

Sure,

I was worried, and I contemplated on how to survive and if I was willing to spend the last 10 years or so, providing for a grown up man.

Luckily, he convinced me that everything was a scam, even though he didn’t believe I would see the truth.

I called him and his voice sounded sick. After a while, he forgot to use the sick voice. This happened again and again and since I am clever woman when I want to be, I figured out the scam.

It took too long!

The snake managed and manipulated me and I was feeling guilty being so mean to think he was not true.

The truth is that I paid him for loving me. Can you believe it? That is exactly what happened.

Smooth talk and manipulation is the common trend when the scammers are abusing their victims.

I love you is the trend and the end of every sentence!

295 times he used this during the first 3 months!

I am leaning to the conclusion that in fact he is a stupid but cunning man.

He thinks he has me and now I am just having one of the tantrums, and it lasts longer!

Great!

He will see where David bought the ale!

He made one really big mistake, among many others, and soon he will have to pay for his doing.

Carma always kicks in!

The anger I feel is normal and it will go away. I was mentally abused by a criminal.

Hulda Bjornsdottir

20th of June 2023

Today is a good day.

In my little village the clouds are shining before the extreme heat arrives closer to the weekend.

It will be very hot, 30 degrees and more. I’m not too happy about that but grateful for how late the heat arrives.

On Thursday I will be in bed most of the day and perhaps for some days. I have already made soup that I can drink cold. The first days are going to be cold soup and ice on my face!

I’m happy to be finally free from the slavery and manipulation of the scammer. I feel fine today and have accepted what I can´t change.

He is a stupid idiot who I felt sorry for and thought a real man!

He was never true, he was from day one just a pathetic scammer and a manipulator.

I am not angry with myself for falling for the scam.

It was just normal. I am a person with good heart and it is easy to deceive people like me.

In my heart I knew he was not worthy of my love but I gave it anyway.

I am free!

My life is back and now it is just building what was destroyed.

There are steps to be taken and they have to wait a bit.

Life goes on and everything will be fine.

Next year I will walk around the streets of London and enjoy the multicultural atmosphere.

Going to China town and having Chinese food will be the pure pleasure of the trip.

Saving for the trip every month makes it easy to travel and I don´t have to worry about a thing.

Life is truly good

I am grateful for my freedom, at last I had the courage to face the facts.

My life will never be the same but it will be even better and happier every day for the rest of my staying on this earth.

I am happy

Hulda Bjornsdottir

19^th of June 2023

Today I woke up rather disappointed.

I could not sleep well during the night and all kinds of thoughts were wandering through my mind, completely out of control.

This is normal.

I’m in the process of preparing for the surgery and I am working through the feelings of being scammed by a romantic scammer.

My pain threshold is low and I am dreading the days after the surgery.

I was also worried about how to manage after the other, bigger procedure when I get the help with my heart.

How am I going to manage for 4 weeks?

How am I going to manage to get the life running for the first 2 weeks when I am home and not allowed to do almost anything?

This is worrying beforehand!

I should just take one day at a time, and I know everything will be ok, I just have to organise and this time next year I will wonder why I was so afraid.

The scammer has broken me down and I am trying to rise up. Some days it is easy and some days it is complicated.

I am angry, angry because he treated me like a shit and angry with myself because I didn’t listen to my gut feeling.

I know all these feelings are normal, and should be allowed to surface. It is better to face them than just pushing them down and having them continue to affect my life.

Many victims and weaker than me and can’t survive. I am strong. Why am I writing about this? I can tell you that honestly. It would have been easier for me to just keep quiet and hide so no one would know how stupid I was. But, it is my duty to rise up and talk. My story may help someone either from landing in a situation like I did or help someone who is in the situation and does not know what to do.

Google, and gather information.

If you google you will find a lot about scammers. The romantic scammers are the most dangerous for your soul.

They manipulate you and abuse your heart and soul. They make you feel special and the smooth talk is there on top of everything.

You may talk to them on the phone and even on video and they will convince you that they are real.

They are, I think, rather stupid individuals, but they are cunning and have figured out how to manipulate.

The one that abused me showed his true side and his stupidity often, but I was blind and did not want to see what was in front of me.

If you are a victim, don´t feel ashamed. Feel angry.

You are not alone in the scammer’s situation.

The one who abused me has been working with other people. I can see that now, but I did not see it before. I did not want to believe my gutfeeling.

Just remember, there is a pattern. If it repeats, please leave. Believe your gut feeling.

Please stay safe if you are a victim and do everything in your power to get free from the criminal, because the romantic scammers are criminals who don´t spare any resource they have to get what they are after, the money!

If they promise you anything, it is all a lie.

If they try to convince you that your friends are wrong, when they tell you that this is not real love from the scammer, just listen to your friends, please.

Remember, the scammers, even the romantic scammers, work in groups. They unite against you to manipulate you and make you feel mean by doubting your lover!

Get help. Please!

Hulda Björnsdóttir

18th of June 2023

The scammers are not just criminals, they are murderers.

They kill the victims mentally and emotionally.

Some victims are strong and they survive the scumbags, but others don´t.

Think about those who lose their minds, their homes, their everything, and even loose the believe in human beings. There are those who have to be in a hospital to recover.

The victims loose money, and many of them borrow money for the scammers to help them.

I am clever, intelligent woman, but I fell for the smooth talk and refused to listen to my friends or my gut feeling.

I knew in my heart that the scammer was not a decent good man who cared about me and was going to spend the rest of his life with me.

My friend told me that he was going to use me to get to Schengen!

I didn’t listen!

I should have listened and I did for a while but I fell for the scammer again and allowed the innocent face and the nice voice to capture my heart.

I fell in love with a dream, not with the reality.

I knew this deep down, I rose up again and again, but he managed to get me back and making me feeling guilty of being so mean and believe what my friends were telling me!

He told me it was because of what my friends were saying, that I did not believe him!

In a way that was true, but the pattern of a scammer was there.

He had some friends of his talk to me and try to convince me that everything was okey and he truly loved me and was going to spend the rest of his life with me, I just needed to help him with some money so he could get the necessary papers to get the Visa.

I spoke to most of those friends of his on video calls. I spoke to one that said he was a barrister and that he would do everything in his power to help, he just needed to be paid for his service.

When I finished talking to the barrister and called my scammer, the barrister replied! He told me it was the internet that did this! And I believed, almost. I see now through the lies.

I suffered a lot.

I suffered guilt.

I suffered losing money!

I suffered losing my piece of mind!

I am a good person and I have been helping people throughout my life as well as I could.

I believe in the good in people.

I can not take back what the scammer took away from me but I can make the most of the lesson I learned.

I was the loving wife, making sure everything would go smoothly for him while he was adjusting to his new home.

I was preparing and doing it with love a passion.

He lied to me every day.

He used me every day.

I am the victim but it is not going to destroy me.

I will survive and manage to build up my confidence and trust in other people. I am lucky to be extremely strong person, who have gone through a lot and always survived and coming stronger after each tragedy.

It feels sad, hurting and angry, to have been stupid and believed the lies and the innocent looks.

I took the final step at the end of last month and cut me free from the abuse.

I am healing and every day is different from the last one. Sometimes I am completely content and some days I am angry or hurt and sometimes not seeing how I will be able to continue my life as it was before I came the victim.

All this is normal.

The criminal called me yesterday and I did not reply.

I have nothing to say to him.

He is out of my life and everything that reminds me of him is going away.

In a way some good will come out of this.

Some good people will use what was supposed to keep him warm and make his life easy here in the cold winter. I am happy about that.

I did really prepare, I did everything in my power to make this scam bag happy.

I cant change what was, it is gone, but I can have faith in what will be and that is my future, my freedom, my independence and my happiness is arriving.

Feeling grateful for my friend’s support is good.

Feeling optimistic is perfect.

I allow myself to fall down emotionally a bit but I rise up quickly.

The scammer is not worth my tears.

We think that the scammers are young, even young boys, but they are not. This one is almost 50 years old and I wonder what will happen to his next victim. I just hope she will be wise and not fall for the smooth talk and innocent face.

Hulda Bjornsdottir

17. of June 2023

It’s a Saturday, the end of the week.

The weather is sunshine and rather hot in my little land.

I am recovering quickly and wake up in the mornings content and happy most of the time.

The past is past and the future is on its way.

The coming week is going to be completely different from last one.

On Tuesday I go somewhere and on Thursday the surgery is in the morning.

I have to admit that I am little bit anxious but I know everything will be ok. Its just that some days I will be in pain taking antibiotics and painkillers and trying to freeze the pain out.

There will just be cold soup for at least 4 days!

I hope I will sleep through the pain as much as possible.

Anyway, I am recovering from the scammer but sometimes a bit of guilt appears and a thought if I am wrong and he is just a good loving man!

Seriously!

This is normal.

This is what the scammers accomplish, and this is why they can control even the most intelligent women who should see through the scam, but don´t completely, even though the signs are crystal clear.

I have been wondering if I should see a physiatrist and try to figure everything out!

I don´t think I need that.

I am calm and have not cried for more than 2 weeks. The feeling is mostly just relieved.

Life is coming back and I am doing what I always do, I take care of myself first and foremost.

One day in the future I might write about those 2 and half years and tell the whole story but now I think it is best just to relax and get my life on track.

The plan is to get the pacemaker as soon as possible but I may have to wait 2 or 3 months. I just pray it will not take too long. After that I will have to give myself time to recover and that might take about one month, or that is what I have been told.

I am preparing for this, making things easy for me and trying to be on my own feet as much as possible. I may have to ask for help the first 10 days or so but then I will be able to drive and my life will be normal quickly.

The quality of life will change for the better and I will be able to go again to the gym and my singing will be more powerful a lot to look forward to.

In February next year I am going to London for 8 days to renew my passport.

I have already booked the hotel and am going to stay where I have been many times before and almost like home being there.

I will be able to go to China town and have Chinese food every day for a week!  I am truly looking forward to that.

I have estimated how much the trip is going to cost and next month I will begin saving for it.

Before, when I was in the “relationship” all my plans were around helping him through the first months here in Portugal and my financial situation was dire.

Now I have got my life back and my freedom feels great and my soul is just happy to be just responsible for myself and my wellbeing.

I have given away what I bought for him, to take care of him the first months, until he got paired for his work and could take care of things himself!

I bought a car, which he was going to use for going to work because there was no way I would become a private driver!

I gave the car this month to someone that really needed it!

I have bought some clothes to keep him warm and they are going to someone that needs them!

It’s a good feeling that the disaster and the lies are turning into something good.

After next week there wont be anything here that reminds me of the scammer. I will be completely free.

Life is strange. I was lied to and manipulated and tried to rise up many times but always gave in!

Today is different.

My calm mind is reasonable and understanding.

Every day is a new day and every day I approach the new!

I don´t need a man to make my life fulfilled. My life is already where I want it to be. My little land and my friends here are all I need.

I am truly grateful to the universe for helping me through a tough time and I am truly grateful for my true friends who have stood by my side and supporting me.

Gratitude is good.

Hulda Bjornsdottir

16th of June 2023

Today is a happy day

The sun is shining in my little land and in my heart

Planning for next week and everything working out

The morning was immensely beautiful

I walked a bit before I met my doctor and breathing in the fresh morning air was wonderful

My friend Tânia made my hair look like new

I had a wonderful conversation with another great friend of mine

This evening I cooked a Peru in tomato sauce with feta cheese. It’s creamy and smooth. Organic vegetables and water.

A perfect meal

I am going to have a minor surgery on Thursday and will be restricted to cold soup for at least 4 days.

Tomorrow I’ll make tomato soup for the future!

Perfect day and I’m at piece and happy

Hulda Bjornsdottir

15. June 2023

Why did I not see the red flags?

Today is a hot day here in my little land and somehow not easy to survive.

It´s difficult when the heat goes up and even more complicated when the mind is not settled.

I have been thinking about why I did not act on the red flags that again and again appeared in front of me.

Why did I not see the scam in the beginning, but in truth what happened was I saw the flag but refused to believe my feeling.

Early on, the scammer told me that he was rich, he just needed to get the papers for a land he had inherited and then he could start digging and the gold was in the ground.

He even sent me a video where he was at a meeting and he held a piece of something, which was supposed to prove to me the gold was there but I knew the piece in his hand was not gold, just a green stone!

After the meeting with the people who had the papers, he went home without papers and one day he was attacked at his home and taken to the police station. The bad people had found out where he lived and came after him!

He had a friend of his ask me to friend on Facebook, which I did not immediately so they used the scammers Facebook to send me messages about the situation and ask me for help. They needed money, just a little, to help get him out of prison.

The friend told me he had taken a bike and was with the scammer! In the prison?  Of course, I did not believe this, but I still let me be manipulated.

The story was unbelievable and I heard the scammer whisper to his friend what to say!

What an idiot I was, there I knew exactly what was going on but I still let me be maniupulated into believing.

Before the meeting the scammer had gone to a bank and got a loan so he could buy machines to start digging. He had already marked his place on the land, or so he said!

I did not send money to free him for prion, not this time!

I struggled and accused him of being lying!

But he managed to get me back. I felt sorry for him, and there was this strange good connection between us!

I convinced myself that there were too many mean people believing that age and nationality were flags everyone should be on guard against!

We had a discussion about the matter many times and agreed on how ridicules it was. NOT EVERYONE WAS A SCAMMER!

I’m a good man he said. And I believed.

He was going to be rich and would buy houses all around the world when he had got the papers for the land and could start digging! He just needed some help to start. He had even gone to the place where he bought the machines for digging and asked for refund.

And I believed!

In the beginning he had said that it was a problem how old I was, but suddenly that was all forgotten. Now I was the love of his life and God had brought us together long before we were born! Seriously.

There was a story about him loosing his wife a year ago. She had died from a decease. I checked and this was true.

But,

He told me that a year before we met he had been with a woman in America and they had intended to get married and he had even sent her ring to US, a ring he had bought for his money!

Instead of she being the happy bride, he got a message from her husband and a video where they were making love, and the husband told him to go to hell.

This was supposed to have happened during the time when the scammer was with his wife and they making plans for the future, in fact if any of this was true, he was already cheating on his real wife!

I, the gullible idiot did not see through the lies and felt really sorry for my new friend!

When I look back there are millions of samples where I should have left immediately but I did not.

I can punish myself and kick myself and bee angry with myself for being such and idiot, but there is another choice, this happened, this is the past and sometimes all I can do is accept what was and let go of it and have faith in what the future will bring.

At the moment my responsibility is to take care of me. To work through the emotional turmoil and get my life back.

That will take some time, which is perfectly ok.

The money I have lost are just money.

The piece of mind I lost will come back.

This time next year I will be in a different situation, content with my life and happy every day.

Happiness is a choice.

Bad things happen and it is up to me to work through the feelings.

That is what I am doing. I have nothing to hide.

The truth has to come out, slowly step by step. One day the whole story will appear, but for now it is bits a pieces as I work through them.

Life is good.

I asked God to send me a sign I could understand, not many weeks ago, and immediately I got a phone call from the scammer where he told me how sick he was and how I was the only one to help him! I did not give in. I understood the message God had sent me. After a short while and some desperate crying I ended the relationship.

The scammer got angry, really angry, and blocked me on Facebook. That was his solution and showed me once and for all the true love he had for me. It was nothing, no love, just anger.

Hulda Bjornsdottir

14th of June 2023

How did it all begin?

Why did I become so naïve and gullible?

Well, I have always been gullible and believed the best in everyone. That is a Caracter rate I am stuck with and I think it is just fine, as long as I am aware of it!

I didn’t sleep well last night and was tossing and turning until late.

I am not sad, and I have not been crying now for many days and that is a relieve.

I was thinking about how I could not have listened to my gut feeling.

I was also thinking about why did I for weeks suddenly start crying, out of the blue, like my heart was being broken into pieces and I could hardly breath? Why, why ?

It was normal, my gut feeling was warning me and trying to wake me up and make me take action to protect myself.

I on the other hand thought it was because my lover was sick and his pain was affecting me! Seriously!

I was completely broken and I could hardly function. My life was on hold and had been on hold for months and months. I used my computer to write my anguish and sorrow and my diary is full of crying and asking God to help me.

It was my birthday soon and I was not looking forward to it. This birthday we should have been together and celebrating one more year.

Instead, he was far away and I was in my home waiting just like I had been waiting last year.

I got a wonderful birthday wish from my lover just after midnight.

It said how he prayed to God to bring our dreams come true and how much he loved me and despite all the obstacles we would be together as a husband and wife.

It would be his birthday after 2 weeks. Then I would have to send a beautiful birthday wish and tell him how much I loved him and how I missed not being able to be with him on this special day!

This was the same as last year.

Nothing had changed.

Was I really going through this all once again, one month again, one year again?

No!

This had to stop and I had to be strong and just let go of what was empty promises and lies from a to z.

I told him I was ending the relationship.

Oh, what a surprise! Why was I acting like this?

 How could I believe that a man who had been sick more or less for 2 and half year, that he would arrived in my homeland, going to work and take care of me and pay back all the money I had given him and live happily ever after and show the world how happy we were?

The truth is that I did not believe this.

I confronted him several times when I was angry and asked how he did think he could work here and suddenly be healthy, after being sick hear after year?

He smooth talked me, and I fell again into the trap.

Was there no way for me to understand that he was really fighting for his life and the main concern was to get back his health? And to do that he needed money! He needed to have a total check-up.  

Didn’t I understand that?

Didn’t I understand that he was alone in the world and I was the only one who could help him?

No friends, no family, no one except the wonderful woman he loved more than his life!

After my birthday something changed in my mind and I became calm and saw the reality in a different light, truly convinced in my heart that the innocent face was not innocent, it was a face of a scammer, who I had allowed to use me for month after month, for more than 2 years!

When I thought about him, I did not feel any compassion, I didn’t feel angry, I just felt kind of numb.

The man I had loved died and instead came the real scammer.

I went trough the messages from the beginning and saw the pattern clearly, the pattern I had seen many times before but always retreated because of the smooth talk.

The manipulation was complete.

I had taken many tantrums accusing him of being a cheat and he had managed to get me back.

I had felt guilty and, on my knees, begged him to forgive me and forgive the harsh words I had used.

He always forgave me, because of his love for me!

This was madness. I had lost my mind and I knew it.

But!

I was rising up.

I search the messages in the beginning and there he speaks about how my age is a problem! After few weeks, the age was not a problem and he was falling in love with me!

I became the most wonderful woman in the world. The saviour and the new God in his life.

It felt good to be appreciated. We were getting married and everything would be perfect.

But it was not perfect, everything was very strange and his voice when I spoke to him sounded strange, but not true! He was acting sick!

I have to give him that he is quite and actor!

Now he is most likely, and has at least since January, searching for a new victim. The new profile, and the likes there point in the direction. He of course doesn’t know anything about this profile and does not understand why Facebook doesn’t take it down!

The truth is that the scammers always have an excuse. We, the victims, believe them until one day we don´t.

The truth always comes out. It is just a question how much damage has been done to us, the victims.

I sacrificed a lot.

But I did survive and now I am free, but it hurts. That is normal and it will take time to heal.

My writing helps me to heal.

By far is this experience the most difficult and damaging that I have gone through since childhood. The lesson was harsh, but I am wiser now.

I’m repeating myself. I know that. It’s necessary for the healing process. I dig deeper into myself and my perspective changes.

Hulda Bjornsdottir

13th of June 2023

The scammers use words, beautiful words but their actions are augly

Don’t fall for them

Listen to your gut feeling

I didn’t listen to my gut feeling until I had lost both my serenity and peace

I’ve finally gotten the best of me and saved myself

He is trying to get to me again with smooth talk

He doesn’t understand that I am safe

In January 2021 he told me that the problem was that I was old.

I didn’t notice it and kept believing the smooth talk

The story is going to come out piece by piece

His name I will tell at the end

More lies are dripping from him even though I don’t reply

Stupid people are just stupid and they are no match to me

I don’t give him the energy to hate him

He is just a pathetic lier and manipulater

I am gullible but I learned my lesson the hard way

Hulda Bjornsdottir