My thoughts shared with you

26^th of March 2020

A new day arrived and I didn’t want to wake up.

The battle seems to be lost at the moment. That’s how I feel now, and I’m sure more people feel like that today. I feel like drowning far out in the ocean and no hope that I can reach land. I got up last morning hopeful determined to make the day good and beautiful. I was quite successful. I may have all the tools to use when everything seems to be hopeless.

It was beautiful weather and warm in my little land and the sun shone and spread its beam over everything. The little buds of the trees are appearing and the spring that I love above all seasons is just around the corner.

A man sat by his little house and  ate something from a bag. He spotted me in the distance and invited me to come and have a taste. I shook my head, but thanked him and told him where my car was.

On a street that usually is beaming with life there was just this man and me. All the others were inside their apartments and waiting for something that never came. This was how I felt yesterday in the middle of the day. I had walked around the beautiful garden and had meditated, done some strength training and stretching but  was now on the way home to the silence and a strange combination of fear and insecurity grabbed me.

In the evening when I had put fresh and clean linen on my bed and stood watching the sparkling clean bedding which usually fills me with joy and a good feeling, the string of hope broke and I lost the battle. I thought about Anna Frank and how she felt. Maybe my feeling this moment was just like hers. Maybe I was giving up despite all the struggles. What was different now in a situation that I didn’t control compared to all the steep hills I had climbed through my life?  There were people around me I could call in if I needed help and it had happened 2 days ago. I wasn’t alone, that wasn’t the problem.

What right now was not in a difficult situation was the possibility of getting a real hug, not just on paper or on a picture. What had saved me before was the hug I could always rely on but I cannot get now. Right now I was like a leprous  who no one wanted to touch or see and everyone took a great care not to be seen around.

I am not afraid to get the virus.  I am not afraid to die; I have been ready for a long time to walk over to a better place. I am, however, dying mentally and it is at this moment something that I do not handle. The shell that protected me, the super sensitive soul, is broken now. The soul is naked and does not know how to assemble the fragments to get up once again in this infinite long way.

Life is around the corner, it doesn’t go anywhere. I love my life and I am grateful for that. Now it’s complicated and difficult and I’m losing.

There are many people trying to make me stronger and help me to find courage. There are plenty of people who have solutions. There are lots of people who care about me and know that I will sort the fragments and put them together again. For all these people and their love, I am grateful. I may be broken but I know how to fix me, I have done that many times. I’ve been able to keep hopeful until last night. Giving up is okay. Giving up is painful, but it is the beginning of something else and better. It’s always like that.

The broken soul is strong and rises up. She needs time and she will manage once again. Super sensitive Soul is a strange phenomenon that most people do not understand. Those who belong to the group understand me. Now is the moment when I have to keep embracing myself while I wait to be able to disappear into the embrace of any person who cares about me and understands that I do not need words, I need this touch that involves so much strength and consolation. In my head I know that those horrible times will pass. The soul is looking for an answer and trying to convince itself that what the head is telling her is correct, everything will be ok.

This day is just starting. It has to be the day where I survive and move one step forward. The tools  are all at hand and I use them, one by one.

The first task this morning will be to disappear into meditation to the of beauty and the waves of comforts and strength. The nutrition of the soul is there and the hunger that is now will decrease gradually. Anna Frank survived the isolation, not much more. While hopelessness has caught me helplessly now, I think of the memory of Anna alive. I will survive and spread the hope to everyone  when all becomes better again..

The truth is, life is beautiful and I have endless thoughts and happenings to be grateful for and rejoice.

A dear friend told me that I was a fighter. I am, and sometimes I need to fight with all my force in order to survive spiritually in this world. That time is now.

Hulda Björnsdóttir

26.mars 2020

Nýr dagur er runninn upp og mig langaði ekki til þess að vakna.

Orustan er að tapast í augnablikinu. Þannig líður mér núna og þannig líður ábyggilega fleirum. Mér finnst ég vera að drukkna langt úti í hafi og engin von um að ég komist að landi. Ég fór á fætur í gærmorgun bjartsýn og vongóð ákveðin í því að gera daginn góðann og fallegann. Þetta tókst nokkuð vel. Ég kann öll ráðin sem hægt er að grípa til þegar ástand virðist vera óleysanlegt.

Það var fallegt veður og hlýtt í litla landinu mínu og sólin skein og sendi vermandi geisla sína yfir allt. Litlu brumin á trjánum voru að stækka og vorið sem ég elska allra árstíða mest breiddi faðminn á móti mér og sagðist vera rétt handan við hornið.

Maður sat á tröppum litla hússins síns og borðaði takós upp úr poka. Hann sá mig í fjarska og bauð mér að koma og fá með sér. Ég hristi höfuðið en þakkaði honum fyrir og sagði honum hvar bíllinn minn væri og hann yppti öxlum og dustaði kusk af skálminni.

Á götu þar sem venjulega er iðandi mannlíf var bara þessi eini maður og ég. Allir aðrir voru lokaðir inni í íbúðum sínum og biðu eftir einhverju sem aldrei kom. Ég upplifði þetta svona í gær um miðjan daginn. Ég hafði gengið um fallegan garðinn og gert þrekæfingar og teigt og hugleitt og var nú á leið heim í þögnina og undarlegt sambland af ótta og öryggisleysi greip mig.

Um kvöldið þegar ég hafði skipt á rúminu mínu og ég stóð og horfði á tandurhrein sængurfötin sem venjulega vöktu með mér góða tilfinningu slitnaði strengur vonar og ég tapaði orustunni. Ég hugsaði um Önnu Frank og hvernig henni leið. Kannski leið mér eins og henni. Kannski var ég að gefast upp þrátt fyrir alla baráttuna. Hvað var öðruvísi núna í aðstæðum sem ég réð ekki yfir samanborið við alla þá hildi sem ég hafði háð í gegnum lífið?  Það var fólk í kringum mig sem ég gat kallað í ef ég þurfti á hjálp að halda og það hafði gerst fyrir 2 dögum. Ég var ekki ein, það var ekki vandamálið.

Það sem núna var ekki í erfiðum aðstæðum var möguleikinn á því að hverfa inn í faðm annarar manneskju og fá raunverulegt faðmlag, ekki bara á pappír eða á mynd. Það sem hafði bjargað mér áður voru faðmlögin og þau er ekki hægt að fá núna. Núna var ég eins og holdsveik manneskja sem allir forðuðust að snerta og ég gekk í stóran sveig framhjá fólki ef það varð á vegi mínum.

Ég er ekki hrædd um að fá veiruna eða veikjast. Ég er ekki hrædd við að deyja, ég er löngu tilbúin til þess að fara yfir á betri stað. Ég er hins vegar að deyja andlega og það er á þessari stundu eitthvað sem ég ræð ekki við. Skelin sem ofurviðkvæm sálin í mér hefur byggt upp er mölbrotin núna. Sálin er berskjkölduð og veit ekki hvernig hún á að raða saman brotunum til þess að komast upp enn einu sinni á þessari óendanlega löngu leið.

Lífið er handan við hornið, það fer ekkert. Mér þykir vænt um lífið mitt og ég er þakklát fyrir það. Núna er það flókið og erfitt og ég er að tapa.

Það er fullt af fólki sem telur í mig kjark. Það er fullt af fólki sem hefur ráð. Það er fullt af fólki sem þykir vænt um mig og veit að ég muni raða brotunum upp á nýtt. Fyrir allt þetta fólk og kærleika þess er ég þakklát. Ég kann ráðin, ég hef notað þau oft og mörgum sinnum. Mér hefur tekist að halda í vonina þar til í gærkvöldi. Að gefast upp er í lagi. Að gefast upp er sárt en það er upphaf að einhverju öðru og betra. Það er alltaf þannig.

Brotin sálin er sterk og rís upp. Hún þarf tíma og henni tekst þetta enn einu sinni. Ofurviðkvæm sál er undarlegt fyrirbæri sem flestir skilja ekki. Þeir sem eiga slíka skilja mig. Nú er tiíminn þar sem ég þarf að halda utan um mig á meðan ég bíð eftir að geta horfið inn í faðmlag einhverrar manneskju sem þykir vænt um mig og skilur að ég þarf ekki orð, ég þarf þessa snertingu sem í felst svo mikill styrkur og huggun. Höfuðið á mér veit að þessir skelfilegu tímar ganga yfir. Sálin er að leita að svari og reyna að sannfæra sig um að höfuðið hafi á réttu að standa.

Þessi dagur er rétt að byrja. Hann verður að vera dagurinn þar sem ég lifi af og þokast eitt skref áfram. Tækin eru öll innan handar og ég nota þau, eitt í einu.

Fyrsta verkið á þessum morgni verður að hverfa inn í hugleiðslu á slóðir fegurðar og ölduniðs sem huggar og hughreystir og styrkir. Næring sálarinnar er þar og hungrið sem nú sverfur að minnkar smátt og smátt. Anna Frank lifði af einangrunina en ekki mikið meira. Þó vonleysi hafi gripið mig heljartökum núna þá held ég minningu Önnu lifandi með því að sigra og breiða vonina út yfir sængina mína þegar allt verður betra á ný.

Þegar allt kemur til alls er lífið fagurt og ég hef óendanlega mikið til þess að vera þakklát fyrir og gleðjast.

Kæri vinur minn sagði við mig að ég væri baráttujaxl. Ég er það og stundum þarf ég að berjast með kjafti og klóm til þess að lifa af andlega í þessum heimi. Þannig tími er núna.

Hulda Björnsdóttir

25th of march 2020

Good evening

Today I went outside and took a long walk around Ansiao.

I have to get out during these horrible times. I would be mad just to stay inside but I make sure I don´t mess with people and i visit places that no one goes to. It is difficult to accept the situation.

While I changing my bead cloths this afternoon I thought about how lonely life can be if you don´t connect with your friends.

I did take my gear with me when I went out today and did some strengthening exercise plus stretching and meditating.

Maybe the meditation will save me.

Every day it gets more annoying to be locked inside and not being able to talk to people and hug them.

This is me complaining about the situation.

This is me becoming a bit worried.

This is me trying to look at the bright sides but not quite managing this moment. I will be ok tomorrow after sleeping and the weather has been beautiful in my little land. Today there was sunshine and 18,5 degrees. Tomorrow will be 3 degrees colder but that is ok.

I hope you all are safe, who read this.

I am reading more these days and enjoying studying the difference between men and women.

It´s quite interesting when you think about it how men go into their silence while women talk through their problems.

Well, this is me for now and I will come back tomorrow with something more interesting and some pictures.

Have a good night and a better day tomorrow my readers.

Hulda Björnsdóttir

24th of March 2020

Today I am angry and disappointed.

Today I am saying what I think and I am not ashamed. I don´t care what people think about me, unfortunately I have worked my life in Iceland and therefore I get my pension from there.

The country you think is such a beauty, which is true in a way, but just when you look at the nature, the government, and how the people who don´t belong to the mafia are treated you see the disgusting horror.

The currency of the krona is disgusting and the nothing is done about it. The money are for the rich. The solutions are for the rich and the corruption is blooming.

The situation for those who are poor gets worse every day. People are starving. We think the virus is killing these days. In Iceland the government is killing people by their lack of understanding or lack of passion or lack of whatever.

I am angry and furious today.

This month my pension has gone down more than 200 Eur, per month,  because of the currency of the bloody krona. This should not be happening and this is not necessary. There is not lack of money in Iceland. No, there is plenty but its for the rich, for the few and not for us who made the country bloom with our effort and hard work.

Nowadays there is no respect for those who sacrificed everything for the generation that is in control now.

Iceland is disgusting corrupt country because of few. The prime minister tells the world how good and wonderful everything is and she smiles.

The prime minister does not tell the world that her best friend, the finance minister is one those who has got bailed out again and again and again, as well as his closest ones. Oh no, she does not tell the truth.

What makes me so angry is that even though there would be a different government the situation might be the same or similar. It is easy to shout when you are on the opposite side but when in the reality everything changes.

Sad but true and I hate this situation.

I don´t care if you think I should be nice and not complaining.

I am angry,

I am worried about my friends who belong to those who are suffering from the lack of compassion from those who are in power.

I will continue to shout my anger as long as I have got a voice.

Pretending is fine, but reality is the truth.

Hulda Björnsdóttir

 

 

24.mars 2020
Ég ætla ekki að leggjast svo lágt að vera reið við þá sem líta niður á okkur sem byggðum upp landið fyrir nútímasukkið.

Nei ég ætla að bara að hafa óendanlega skömm á skítapakki sem heldur að fólk sem eru öryrkjar og að ég tali nú ekki um þá sem eru svo ósvífnir að vera eldri borgarar séu eitthvað minna virði en braskarar sem stela frá þjóðinni milljörðum á milljarða ofan ár eftir ár og eru stikk frí ef þeir brosa nógu breitt.

Ég ætla ekki að leggjast svo lágt að hafa skömm á þessu pakki.

Ég fyrirlít það heitt og innilega og er þakklát fyrir að þurfa ekki að horfa á ógeðsleg smettin sem brosa framan í þjóð sem sveltir þegna sína í stórum stíl.

Þeir sem kjósa þetta gráðuga pakk yfir sig aftur og aftur eru jafn viðbjóðslegir og panamapakkið.

Skammastu þín ekki fyrir að láta svona út úr þér manneskja? gæti einhver sagt.

Nei, ég skammast mín ekki, ég er löngu hætt að skammast mín fyrir að segja það sem mér finnst.

Ég er löngu hætt að hafa áhyggjur af því hvað öðrum finnst um mig og það sem ég segi. Mér sárnar stundum en ég skammast mín ekki fyrir mig eða mínar skoðanir.

Ég er löngu búin að missa allt álit á jakkafatapakki sem þykist stjórna með hag almúgans að leiðarljósi og setur fram áætlanir til þess að mafían geti haldið áfram að græða.

Ég er löngu búin að sjá í gegnum plottið og ef ég drepst ekki úr veirunni núna þá held ég áfram að rífa kjaft. Það er skylda mín og annarra sem sjá út fyrir jakkafatakassana viðbjóðslegu.

Hulda Björnsdóttir

23.mars 2020
Nokkur orð í tilefni dagsins.

Í dag eru 8 dagar eftir af þessum mánuði.

8 langir dagar fyrir marga öryrkja og eldri borgara sem annað hvort búa á Íslandi við sult og seyru eða hafa kosið að leita að betri stað utan landssteinanna og ef til vill í aðeins betri aðstæður.

Í morgun sá ég comment á Facebook sem vakti mig til umhugsunar.

Þar var spurt hvort þeir sem hefðu flutt erlendis ættu rétt á bótum eins og þeir sem enn búa á Íslandi. Ég sé ekki betur en verið sé að tala um björgunarpakka ríkisstjórnarinnar og þetta comment semsagt í telfni þeirrar umræðu.

Ég spurði sjálfa mig hvort mitt framlag til íslensks þjóðfélags með sköttum og skyldum frá unga aldri, væri minna virði af því að ég bý ekki núna á landinu, en framlag þeirra sem enn búa á Íslandi?

Erum við sem höfum flutt frá landinu, í mörgum tilfellum til þess einfaldlega að drepast ekki úr hungri og vosbúð, minna virði en þeir sem lepja dauðann úr skel á Íslandi?

Mér finnst þetta viðhorf einkennilegt.

Mér sárnar svona comment þó ég eigi auðvitað ekki að láta það hafa áhrif.

Gengið á krónunni hefur ekki einungis áhrif á okkur sem búum erlendis, það hefur ekki síður áhrif á þá sem eru á Íslandi. Hækkanir dynja nú yfir. Hvenær hafa gengisfellingar ekki farið út í íslenskt verðlag?

Hefur það einhvern tíman gerst?

Það eru ekki bara öryrkjar og eftirlauna fólk sem býr erlendis sem er skilið eftir í aðgerðarpakka ríkisstjórnarinnar.

Þeir sem búa á landinu fá ekkert!

Það er ekki hægt að sakast við þá um heimtufrekju, er það?

Kannski erum við sem höfum flúið annrs flokks Íslendingar í augum sumra. Getur það verið?

Hulda Björnsdóttir

22. Mars 2020

Good morning

Meditation is a must for some people and those who suffer from being oversensitive are perhaps the ones that need it most.

There are people in the world who are not made to survive but somehow they do figure out a way and they manage.

Those who are oversensitive embrace themselves with a shell, a  protecting shell. If they did not have this shell they would not make it. They would crack if they did not embrace them with this protection.

Normal people don´t understand how difficult it is to survive in a world that is not made for the hypersensitive ones.

You think we are strong. Yes, we are strong, but that is just make believe in a way. We are strong but we are also fragile, more fragile than most.

I am one of those people. I did not know for many years but then fortunately a friend told me to figure it out and I did. After I knew who I am it became different. I began to work on my mind to help me survive. It has been a lot of work. A lot of hours where I felt like cracking but somehow there was more strength and possibility to rise up after falling.

You, who are normal don´t have to understand us. You just have to know that we are there and we are different. If possible, you might consider showing us a bit of understanding, a bit more than if we were normal. Understanding is what we need.

I don’t know if it is the case but I have a feeling that we are more in need for hugs than normal strong persons.

If you have a friend or a relative that suffers from over sensitivity please remember that if you manage to crack the protective shell there is a tiny little soul in need of your love, inside the crack.

Meditation has helped me.

I find a place where I can be secure and where I can be open and honest with myself. We do suffer from lack of confidence and in meditation we can build our confidence and become the persons we want to be.

When I have to tackle something in my mind or something that happened a long time ago and has impacted my life I mediated. Usually it is a success. Sometimes it takes longer and the layers are many. One by one I peal them and day by day I become the person I want to be.

I don´t do this without help of my friends. I am lucky to have dear friends that I can trust and open my heart to. Opening my heart is the key. An open heart is willing to receive the help that is there.

Gratitude is also an important factor. Gratitude makes everything look brighter and the light shines more on me when I am grateful for my live. Love is also important.

Love for the life I was given is my saviour.

Today is a new day with new opportunities. Today is a day where I can be me and show my naked soul to those I completely trust. They will understand the fragile woman and they will love her despite everything.

I hope you, my reader, do have a friend you can trust and rely on when you need a friend. I believe that if I am friend that can be trusted then I will find one that I can trust.

Life is not complicated if I just allow it to flow.

Thank you my friend whoever you are. You know who you are. The world does not need to know but I have to know you are there for me, and I do.

This is my thought for today shared with you who read this.

Hulda Björnsdóttir

All of you who can give light

I beg of you to unite and send love and light throughout the world

The world needs you now

Please share the message

 

21 at of March 2020

Good morning

Today is the goal to spread light everywhere

This morning I have been contemplating on my experience spreading light to a dying friend. Cancer took her life. She is now in a better place looking down at the world where darkness covers every corner.

We who are here now can help. We all have a light inside us which we can spread. Some know how to and others don’t, but it’s there and we can connect with love and light and spread it around. Every corner, every flower, every spot can and needs to be surrounded by the wonderful light.

We can make it happen. Let’s unite and light will help us survive the darkest hours we are experiencing now.

My dying friend knew when I arrived, she recognised the light, our world will know when we arrive and spread the light.

Let’s make this happen

Beijinhos amigos e abraços grandes com amore e luz para todos os meus amigos

Hugs and kisses to all my friends wherever you are in the world.

20.03.2020

Good morning my friends.

I wrote something in Icelandic and posted here so now I owe you something in English.

The situation in the world is mad.

Everyone knows that, but we cannot lose hope,

I do go out every day even though I am supposed to stay inside. I take care of not going among people but I would be insane if I could not go out and have fresh air in my lungs. Driving in my car and stopping somewhere in the wilderness and walking is my solution.

Here in Portugal almost everything is closed except the supermarkets I think and the pharmacies are open.

It is a difficult situation for those who work from home and sell their handicraft at the weekly markets.

The artists are also out of work, those who are working individually, at least. The schools are closed and the libraries.

I saw an elderly man last Sunday walking back home from the shop where he usually picks up his bread returning with and empty bag.

I wonder how the elderly do manage. The pension is not much and the houses are cold. This is after all the last part of our winter here in my little land.

Today is a grey day, it’s cloudy and rain in between but nothing compared to the mood among the population.

I miss not being able to see my friends and get a hug from them and laugh with them.

Maybe the only shining star behind all these clouds is that we could have a new president in USA.

I have been trying to keep optimistic and spreading light around me but I have to admit that on a grey day like today where the clouds are thick and the rain is heavy it is more difficult than yesterday in the sunshine.

I will keep on, trying and succeeding if I don´t give up.

Hope is good and dreams can come true if we just hold on to them. I have decided to dream about better world and a situation where we go back to normal. That’s the only way.

Yesterday when I came home there were those beautiful pictures at the main entrance door. I am lucky and the beautiful young kids that are now on a unwelcome holiday are making our live more optimistic and telling us to “let’s keep going and hoping”

I want to share with you those pictures. I went downstairs this morning in pyjamas to take the photos and here they are to warm your hearts like they warmed mine yesterday and will today.

Let´s not despair.

Let´s help each other to make it through the times we have never seen before and let´s make love survive. Love for each other is the greatest gift and we can show it by contacting our friends and families by social media.

I am grateful for all the messages I have got. I am also grateful for being able to have food on my table. If you know about someone that does not have food on their table, maybe you could help.

Unity is the word of the day for me.

We are all in this together and we will make it. We are stronger together than separate.

May love and light embrace you all, wherever you are in the world my dear friends.

Hulda Björnsdóttir