My thoughts shared with you

5. May 2020

A tribute to my father!

My father, I remember you today and I think with gratitude about the gift you gave me by making me with my mother.

I thank you, my father, for loving me unconditionally even though I did not show you the love you deserved.

I was the outcast and you joined me in a way even though it did not show.

I remember your hands when I fell and hurt my knee and you came over to make sure I had not broken anything and you put bandage around the wound. You were the doctor and I was your little child.

When I was born hell broke loose, I know that because I have been told about it. Many years ago I was lucky to meet an uncle who told me how this was for you and your family.

We, my mother and I, moved south and I just saw you once a year when you came to attend some meeting or whatever.

I remember when I broke my knee when I was 12 years old and how proud you were when you saw me on my bicycle and you told me this was a good way to rehabilitate.

I also remember when you and my mother had to make a decision if my collarbone should be opened. I am forever grateful for your decision. You most likely saved my life by deciding not to operate. Thank you my dear father.

I also remember how you smelled. Cigars and medicine combined smelled like a perfume to me.

I wish I had been a more loving daughter while I had the chance but I hope you felt my love when I walked through the snow many years ago on Easter day and told you how much I loved you and how wished I could have been a different daughter and I embraced you.

For decades I was the outcast in your family and never acknowledged when some of my brothers and sisters passed away. I was never one of the relatives until one day a niece of mine decided that I did deserve to be on the list when her mother passed away. This hurt a lot but I know my dear father that it was not your fault.

Eventually, just before I moved to China and left Iceland for good I was invited into the bosom of the family but that was perhaps too late. I did not fit in and I left with mixed feelings to this new situation.

My dear father, we are a lot alike both in character and looks. I am proud to be like you. When looking at my life and how I have lived it I understand you better. I have always looked at you as my role model but never stood under my expectations.

I remember the wonderful books you gave me when I was a little child and your beautiful hand writing. I remember your touch and I remember your love when you came to make sure I was taken care of just before you passed away.  You asked the landlord to make sure I did study well so I would become something. You knew I was able to make it in the world but I did not understand my gift. I did not understand how intelligent I was. Everyone else understood, but not me.

When I left Iceland I destroyed the letters you sent me. I had a letter from every Christmas and every birthday, telling me how much you loved me and how much you cared. I wish I had the letters now. They were full of fatherly advice and love.

My dear father, I am sorry to have let you down but I know you will understand. I know you will love me anyway and support me. I know you would be proud of your daughter today and I am grateful for that feeling in my heart.

My dear father, I am a fighter and that is because where I come from. You gave me the strength and courage to love life no matter what it has in store for me.

My dear father, now you are happy in heaven, there is no doubt about it. I look forward to see you there one day in the far future and then we can sit down and talk about everything.  

My dear father, I thank you for giving me my life and being my parent that loved me unconditionally. I thank you for your sacrifices and I thank you for being my role model.

This is my tribute to you my father with love and gratitude.

Hulda Björnsdóttir

 

4. May 2020

I have been thinking about how difficult it is to miss someone all the time.

It is like being sick every day and there is no cure. Your heart is burning and your mind is numb.

It may be like a drug for a drug addict, the longing for the one we miss.

Love is a strange feeling, it can be joyful and it can be sad.

It can be reaching out and it can be holding back. Sometimes we want to love and sometimes we don´t.

Love is complicated and sweet but It can be cruel and sour.

Why can it not just be simple and beautiful shining like a star?

Why?

Hulda Björnsdóttir

3^rd of May 2020

A tribute to my mother

Today is a mother’s day and I remembering my mother with love and gratitude.

She gave me my life, she gave birth to me, she took care of me for 9 months while carrying me and I am grateful for that.

She was a great woman but we did not always see eye to eye and our paths split for many years.

One day though we united again and I was able to give her MY love her last 5 years. Her home became my second home and during the last 3 days on this earth I slept beside her bed. I was lucky. I could do for her what she could not do for me; I was able to love her unconditionally and forgive US for our disagreements.

My mother always did her best. Sometimes she would have been able to do more but life runs by and we cannot change the moments we have already spent.

My mother knew when I was in trouble, she could feel it. She had a gift and I inherited this gift from her. Sometimes it is a blessing but sometimes it is not, but it’s just how it is.

My mother was an artist, she did not become famous or acknowledged but she was a true artist.

All her life she was poor. She struggled and she survived with help of wonderful people, her brothers and sisters helped her. My brother and cousins gave her fish when they came ashore and they gave her money to help. Those wonderful men were the heroes of my life. They were the ones that brought us some relieve during difficult times during my childhood. I remember them all with love and affection.

My mother had me, the outcast. She lived next to my father’s house.  When I visited the place decades after we moved south I understood her situation and how it must have felt. I understood her pain and her bravery. I understood where she came from and I understood better the necessity to get away.

My mother was a hero. I am grateful for the live she gave me.  My mother told me, in a way, that she knew what happened to her child.  I feel for her and I feel her pain and her guilt for not being able to protect the little girl.

My greatest gift to my mother was when I could help convince her we all had forgiven her.

Today I pay a tribute to one of the heroes from last century. She did not get a price or recognition but she always did her best and she survived.

I love you my mother and now I know you are resting in peace with your family and friends in the best place you ever found.  Knowing that you are happy now and content makes my heart swell with pride and gratitude.

My dear mother, thank you for the live you gave me. Thank you for your caring and the sacrifices you made for your little girl, the outcast.

My dear mother, one day I will be able to hug you and tell you that I love you with all my heart.

My love for my mother is unconditional and pure. Had it not been for her I would not be on this earth and finding my inner peace today.

Good bye my dear mother, rest in eternal piece and dance and sing with those you love. That is your daughters wish on this day, this mother’s day the year 2020.

I have tears in my eyes. They are Tears of gratitude and love. Remember me my mother and wait for me so I can embrace you and thank you in person.

Hulda Björnsdóttir

3. may 2020

Good morning my reader

I´m thinking about this time we are living and how it has affected me. Has anything good come out of it for me?

Yesterday I took a very long walk, 2 hours or more and I met some people face to face. Everyone was smiling and asking if I was ok and if the heat was too much?

I thought about how I am counting these days how many people I see face to face and how many I can talk to in the real world. Imagine, I count the people and I remember their smiles and I wish I could give them a hug.

Yesterday I was half a kilometre away from home and I stopped to talk to a farmer and his wife. They are seniors and farmers. He was driving his tractor preparing the land for new plants and soon there will be veggies and some other things smiling from the soil. She was picking up the stones and throwing them outside. He told her to be careful because of me walking at the other side of their wall.

She and I talked. I told her where I had been and she was happy for me and gave me a wonderful smile. She asked if I had water, and I shoved her my bottle. They have beautiful chickens and when I admired them she told me they were good for eating!

Those two live close by and when I go to my balcony I see their house, although I have never spoken to them before.

What a wonderful surprise. Now I have got to know more people and next time I pass their house I can say hello.

Maybe one day in the future I will even be able to give them a hug!

I am grateful for my work in my self during these last weeks.

Now I know better who I am and most important of all I know what I deserve.

Love for oneself is not selfish.

Love and respect for oneself makes us more appreciating if we feel love from our friends and those who are close to us.

Yesterday I felt the caring and concern from those I met while walking. There are smiles everywhere now, you just have to notice them and give back your smile.

This is just my thought I wanted to share with you this morning,

Hulda Björnsdóttir

 

1. Maí 2020

Eftir að hafa legið í kvöld yfir því að endurskoða fjármál heimilisins er ég áhyggjufull vegna þeirra sem eiga að draga fram lífið á eftirlaunum eða örorku.

Einhvern veginn þarf að koma ráðamönnum í skilning um að það er ekki hægt að lifa af því sem þessum hópum er skammtað.

2nd of May

Good morning
Góðan daginn
BOM DIA

15 degrees already and up to a LOT more later today

Wonderful and summer dresses is IT

The clouds are different at the front, darker and bigger but just wait until the afternoon

Who are my true friends is my question to myself this morning?

It will be interesting how I handle throwing (giving) pearls to swines. Sometimes I do throw pearls to swines and expect them to appreciate them but of course they don´t.

Will I learn something or will I just continue giving my pearls to an unworthy one?

I have no idea but life is good to throw the lesson at me again and again, since I have not figured it out

I urge you my friends to tread with care when the world begins to open up again to function normally.

We will have a different normal , no doubt about it

Will we take better care of our poorest?

I wonder

I send you hugs and kisses wherever you are around the world

Let’s spread the light and embrace it with love

Beijinhos amigos e abraços grandes

Hulda Björnsdóttir

27.april 2020

Why am I happy now?

How can I be happy at the horrible time we are living?

If I try to explain why I lack words.

I am just happy and content.

I love my life and I love my friends, some more than others.

I got a gift when I was made.

I adjust and tolerate and make the most of every situation.

I am lucky to have dear friends that support me through thick and thin.

I am lucky to be able to learn from the past and accept me like I am, not like you or someone else would like me to be.

My past is a gift. My past is my lessons learned. Some lessons I have completed and others not.

My present is one day at a time in a world that is collapsing and I have no power to change anything, except my life. I have adjusted and sometimes I find it hard and I miss the hugs and kisses but I know the future will be different.

In the future I will be able to hug and kiss my friends and my love might grow for everyone just because we will be free.

The future is later today and it is tomorrow and every day I have left on this earth.

Love is a good feeling. Love for life, love for the nature, love for the lessons and love for the wisdom. Love is not just a feeling for another person but that is perhaps the most precious feeling.

Loving you makes me feel whole and perfect just like I am. I know you know my shortcomings and I know you love me anyway. My love for you is strong and exciting, something I have never found before and I am grateful for having you in my life and making me more, not less. When I feel your touch and see your smile I am happy.

My reader!

Try to contemplate about the love you have for something or someone.

Figure out if it makes you happy or sad and when you have your life will be complete.

Changes are good and they are exciting. Sometimes you know what you want and sometimes you don´t. In the end there is always a result and it will have made you more, not less.

We are all here on this earth to learn to be a better or a different person. Embrace the lessons life presents to you and you will be happier tomorrow than you are today.

Hulda Björnsdóttir

 

27.apríl 2020

Málssókn Gráa hersins

Þá er stóra stundin að renna upp.
Málið er að fara fyrir dóm og skref eitt verður tekið á morgun þegar þingfesting fyrir Héraðsdómi gerist.

23.apríl 2020

Eins og margir vita þá er ég undir afar ströngu og frábæru eftirliti hér vegna heilsunnar.

Ég ætla að segja ykkur frá því hvernig kerfið virkar hér í litla landinu mínu á þessum ógnar tímum.

Ég átti að fara í næstu heimsókn á spítalann í rannsókn og fleira seinni partin í maí.

Í morgun hringdi ritarinn frá spítalanum og sagði mér að þegar dagurinn rynni upp mundi læknirinn hringja í mig á þeim tíma sem við hefðu átt að hittast og þá mundum við ræða ástandið á mér!

Auðvitað var ég viðbúin því að þetta yrði svona en það sem kom mér eiginlega á óvart var hvað þær hringdu snemma.

Ég þekki ritarana þarna eftir margra ára samskipti og við ræddum aðeins saman og mér fannst gott að geta þakkað þeim fyrir að standa vaktina og passa upp á okkur.

Við skulum muna að fólkið, allt fólkið, sem starfar við spítalana og heilsugæsluna, í hvaða stöðu sem þau eru, er fólkið sem nú á þakklæti okkar svo sannarlega skilið.

Ég veit ekki hvernig þetta er á Íslandi en svona er þetta í litla landinu mínu sem ég elska svo heitt og innilega.

Þegar þetta ástand gengur að hluta til baka þá verður lífið ekki samt. Við þurfum að búa okkur undir það eftir bestu getu.

Núna er sumar að koma og ég er þakklát fyrir veturinn. Á ýmsu hefur gengið en hann hefur fært mér fjársjóð reynslu sem ég get nýtt í framtíðinni og fyrir það er ég óendanlega þakklát.

Ef við látum gremjuna ná yfirhöndinni þá erum við glötuð.
Við verðum að ríghalda í þakklætið fyrir veturinn og hlakka til sumarsins.

Í dag á að vera 22 stiga hiti í litla landinu mínu en er núna þegar ég skrifa þetta rétt fyrir klukkan 11 ekki nema 10 stig og ósköp grátt.

Vetrarfötin halda á mér hita á morgnana.

Central htinn fer af stað þessa dagana af því að það er svo kalt.

Öll stefnumót eru sett á HOLD

Til þess að halda í þakklætið þarf kannski að spenna vöðvana aðeins meira en það er hægt og við skulum láta það verða einkunnarorð okkar í dag.

Ég sendi ykkur knús og koss yfir hafið í tilefni dagsins.

Hulda Björnsdóttir

22.apríl 2020

Hótel gætu byrjað að opna hér í landinu mínu í júlí, takið eftir, GÆTU byrjað…..

State of emergency mun líklega verða framlengt eftir 17. maí

Við erum að leggja ótrúlega mikið á okkur þessa dagana og sumum á Íslandi finnst einkennilegar myndir af mér með maska þegar ég fer út að ganga.

Þessa dagan er mér oft hugsað til móður minnar sem fékk lungnaberkla þegar hún var ung, löngu áður en ég fæddist. Hún beið þess aldrei bætur og ég þurfti að lifa við stöðugan ótta hennar og fleiri við að allt blossaði upp að nýju. Það tókst að finna bóluefni við berklunum og ég fékk þá mjög veika en fékk þá þó.

Bróðir minn veiktist einnig af berklum og bar þess merki alla sína ævi, eftir þær aðferðir sem á þeim tíma voru notaðar til þess að lækna sóttina. Hann var miklu eldri en móðir mín.

Þetta eru aðeins 2 dæmi úr minni fjölskyldu.

Þessi 2 lifðu veikina af en fjöldinn allur dó.

Þegar ég horfi á lífið út um gluggann hjá mér og hugsa um framtíðina kemur alltaf upp í hugann hvað vísindin eru dásamleg.

Það mun finnast bóluefni gegn veirunni sem nú drepur heiminn rétt eins og þegar læmingjarnir taka á rás þegar þeir eru orðnir of margir og þeir ganga fyrir björg.

Bóluefni tekur tíma að þróast.

Við verðum að vera þolinmóð og halda okkur við þær varnir sem tiltækar eru, eins og til dæmis þessa einkennilegu maska sem við hér í landinu mínu berum með stolti.
í gær gekk ég um þorpið mitt eins og venjulega og mætti einni manneskju. Þessi manneskja var maður sem ég þekki ekki neitt en hann brosti til mín þegar við buðum hvort öðru Boa tarde og það bros var eitt það fallegasta sem ég hef séð um ævina.

Eitt bros getur breytt öllu.

Ég veit ekkert hver þessi maður var en ég mun aldrei gleyma brosinu sem hann skildi eftir handa mér.

Við skulum halda í vonina og halda áfram að vera varkár.

Hérna í litla landinu mínu erum við farin að sjá nýjar gerðir af möskunum því konurnar sem áður framleiddu fyrir markaði eru að sauma það sem við þurfum allra mest á að halda núna.

Ein vinkona mín sagði frá því að hjarta hennar er brotið í dag. Hún er sjálfstæður atvinnurekandi og hefur engin laun og rekur litla búð sem nú er lokuð. Engar tekjur og hún veit ekki hvernig hún á að komast af næstu daga.

Það er erfitt að vera þolinmóður í svona ástandi.

Við megum ekki bregðast og eyðileggja það sem hefur áunnist með lokunum og vörnum.

Hulda Björnsdóttir