A tribute to my father !

5. May 2020

A tribute to my father!

My father, I remember you today and I think with gratitude about the gift you gave me by making me with my mother.

I thank you, my father, for loving me unconditionally even though I did not show you the love you deserved.

I was the outcast and you joined me in a way even though it did not show.

I remember your hands when I fell and hurt my knee and you came over to make sure I had not broken anything and you put bandage around the wound. You were the doctor and I was your little child.

When I was born hell broke loose, I know that because I have been told about it. Many years ago I was lucky to meet an uncle who told me how this was for you and your family.

We, my mother and I, moved south and I just saw you once a year when you came to attend some meeting or whatever.

I remember when I broke my knee when I was 12 years old and how proud you were when you saw me on my bicycle and you told me this was a good way to rehabilitate.

I also remember when you and my mother had to make a decision if my collarbone should be opened. I am forever grateful for your decision. You most likely saved my life by deciding not to operate. Thank you my dear father.

I also remember how you smelled. Cigars and medicine combined smelled like a perfume to me.

I wish I had been a more loving daughter while I had the chance but I hope you felt my love when I walked through the snow many years ago on Easter day and told you how much I loved you and how wished I could have been a different daughter and I embraced you.

For decades I was the outcast in your family and never acknowledged when some of my brothers and sisters passed away. I was never one of the relatives until one day a niece of mine decided that I did deserve to be on the list when her mother passed away. This hurt a lot but I know my dear father that it was not your fault.

Eventually, just before I moved to China and left Iceland for good I was invited into the bosom of the family but that was perhaps too late. I did not fit in and I left with mixed feelings to this new situation.

My dear father, we are a lot alike both in character and looks. I am proud to be like you. When looking at my life and how I have lived it I understand you better. I have always looked at you as my role model but never stood under my expectations.

I remember the wonderful books you gave me when I was a little child and your beautiful hand writing. I remember your touch and I remember your love when you came to make sure I was taken care of just before you passed away.  You asked the landlord to make sure I did study well so I would become something. You knew I was able to make it in the world but I did not understand my gift. I did not understand how intelligent I was. Everyone else understood, but not me.

When I left Iceland I destroyed the letters you sent me. I had a letter from every Christmas and every birthday, telling me how much you loved me and how much you cared. I wish I had the letters now. They were full of fatherly advice and love.

My dear father, I am sorry to have let you down but I know you will understand. I know you will love me anyway and support me. I know you would be proud of your daughter today and I am grateful for that feeling in my heart.

My dear father, I am a fighter and that is because where I come from. You gave me the strength and courage to love life no matter what it has in store for me.

My dear father, now you are happy in heaven, there is no doubt about it. I look forward to see you there one day in the far future and then we can sit down and talk about everything.  

My dear father, I thank you for giving me my life and being my parent that loved me unconditionally. I thank you for your sacrifices and I thank you for being my role model.

This is my tribute to you my father with love and gratitude.

Hulda Björnsdóttir