My thoughts shared with you

27^th of June 2018

Just a thought

I am Icelandic but I don´t speak Icelandic every day, in fact I speak the language quite seldom.

When I think about all the foreigners that live in other countries and don´t have the opportunity to learn the language, the one in the new home land, I wonder how they adjust.

How do they communicate with the officials?

How do they communicate with the people?

In Spain there are at least 10 thousand Icelandic people living at the moment and they are most likely more because these numbers I have are 2 years old.

What happens is that the immigrants make small communities and they don´t mix with the inhabitants.

Sad, but in many cases true.

So, my point is the importance of learning the new language to become independent.

Learning a new language can be complicated

Some are used to one, English, and others are just not motivated.

What I find interesting is the different attitude I get from the locals.

Some are friendly and really nice when I make the mistakes and conjugate a verb wrong. These people correct me and tell me how difficult the Portuguese verbs are. Those are the ones I like the most.

Then there are those who make fun of the mistakes and that discourages me to speak their language. I don´t like those people but to tell the truth, they are foreigners that have been living for a while in the country and think they know everything. Those ones have never spent Christmas with the locals. Those people go to the bars where the foreigners come and those people are the ones who blamed me for Iceve. I.e. they are British.

I don´t mind those above too much.

They are just who they are and I don´t mix with them.

Then there are the people you consider your friends and you think are supporting you.

These friends can sometimes be a bit bizarre. They pretend to support you but when you rely on them they turn out to be something else and even using you, because you are an idiot and allow them to use you.

I am an idiot, I know that.

It is not the friends who use me; it is me that allow people to use me.

Strange and sometimes it takes a while to look back and realise that you did not get all the information you needed or you did not get the support you needed and you were told when you asked why the situation was like it was, that this was the Portuguese way.

Well,

True friends help you when you try to learn the language where you live. It can be complicated or it can easy. The support is the most important thing.

When I feel distraught and afraid to make mistakes using my new language I know I am not among friends.

When I feel confident and make mistakes, grammatical mistakes, without blinking I know I am among true friends.

My point is this:

Help the people to adjust to the new community by helping them to practise what they are learning. Don´t make fun of the mistakes. Correct them without degrading them.

Learning the language makes the new ones confident and happy. They can contribute more to the community and they feel good.

Making the immigrants welcome could be a worthy goal.

To my friends in my little village and the ones around the country that have accepted me and my limited knowledge of their language I say thank you. From day one the people in the village have been encouraging and they have never mocked my effort.

The people in Rua Coimbra, the people in the library, the people in the city centre, the people in Porto, the people in Coimbra, the people in the hospitals and everyone else who has been supportive to my language study I send a big thank you.

The weather is changing.

The summer is going on holiday again here in the central Portugal.

How can this happen?

Just a few days ago we had over 30 degrees and now we are down to 20 and a tiny bit more during the day.

Rain in the forecast for at least 5 days.

I don´t like this. I don´t have connection with the power that controls the weather but living in a catholic country there should be someone who can talk to the boss.

My winter clothes are still upstairs. Usually they would be in boxes downstairs, in the garage.

Not many summer dresses have made it this year from the garage to the hangers. Most of them are still in boxes.

Well, at least I don´t have to carry anything upstairs and make my heart complain. There is always a bright sight if I just make it through the day without hoping everything was different!

This morning I slept late. I woke up at half past 10. Seriously! That was really late and I was still tired.

My heart is complaining.

I think it is time to visit my handsome wonderful heart doctor in the hospital if he is not gone on holiday, which I think he is.

Yesterday I managed to go to the supermarket and do the monthly shopping and even managed to carry the bags upstairs. That is quite an exercise.

At the moment the sun is trying to shine and there is a tiny bit of blue flakes on top of the grey massive cloudy sky.

I have to go out but I would rather be in my bed, resting. Not normal. Not good. Not healthy.

I have to do something about this, I cannot change the weather but I do have an umbrella and I also have got a car.

Maybe I will go out and practise my Portuguese.

There is a lot left of the day and I should use it.

The football was yesterday and today is nothing, just peace and quiet.

I wonder, is Portugal going to win? At least Ronaldo can play since he did not get a red.

But the argentine goal keeper was amazing.

Perhaps I should not watch too much football; it might not be good for a delicate sick heart

Hulda Björnsdóttir

24^th June 2018

Yesterday I went to the beach. It was hot in Penela and that is when we take refuge at the beach.

Praia Da Vieira Da Leiria is my favourite and has been for many years. I came there seven years ago and fell in love. The people are wonderful, the beach is beautiful and the food in some of the restaurants is amazing.

Perhaps this will be my only trip to Vieira this year but even so it was worth it.

It was 30 something here in Penela when I left in the morning. It takes about 90 minutes to drive to Vieira and slowly it got cooler. The windows open and the wind blowing through made the drive quite pleasant. When I arrived at Praia it was just 25 degrees. Wonderful!

Usually, when going at this time of the year to Vieira it would be packed and difficult to find a parking spot.

I had been a bit worried about that but hoped I would not have to walk too far if I was not feeling too well.

Strange, it was just like an ordinary day and not like it was June, when I looked at the cars. I drove through the village, just to make sure. Yes, something was different.

Few people at the beach and not many were walking around.

I don´t like sunbathing. I find it boring and walking around is interesting. Since my skin is delicate and I have already had skin cancer there is not much that drags me to lie down and lick the sun. I have always a hat in my car and most of the time I forget to put it on, and if I put it on my head it goes off quickly. Hats are hot, I mean they make my head hot and I don´t like the water running down my face!

This time I forgot the hat, so nothing to worry about there, except the women I passed all had a hat on their heads and I admit I felt a bit guilty not taking care of myself.

My legs are like white corps, they never get any colour, but I like having them without socks when it is hot, like yesterday. Of course I am wearing healthy shoes. Since I broke my shoulder I am extra careful with my footwear and really don´t care if they are beautiful or not. Comfort is the word.

Breathing in the smell of the sea is something.

Listening to the sound of the waves dancing around the beach is the love of my live.

The fishermen were preparing to go out again. This was the second time; they go early in the morning and then again more or less at lunch time.

The boats are not big.

They are small and I always wonder how the brave men dare to go out on these tiny vessels. The sea is rough. When I watch them, the boats, disappear and I think about how far away they are I get a knot in my stomach and pray they all come back.

There was still some fish at the market but since I did not have anything cold to bring them in back to Penela I did not buy anything, but it was tempting.

I was getting hungry and had decided to try something new.

While I was contemplating where to sit down I passed an elderly lady sitting on a chair with an umbrella to shield her from the sun. She was trying to get her jacket around her shoulders and I asked if she needed help.

She looked at me and smiled. 2 teeth smiled at me. She was grateful and showed me what she wanted me to do for her. It can be difficult when you get older to move your arms around to put the jacket around the shoulders, and then it is good to have some strange foreigner passing by who can ask in Portuguese if the lady needs help.

The wind was blowing from sea and although I found it pleasant she did not. Just an ordinary day!

I came to the restaurants. Last year I had already been in the first one and had a salmon, which was ok but today I needed something special.

I looked at the menus; the waiters came and asked if they could help. I told them I was thinking.

After thinking and walking around I came back to the one at the corner, the salmon one. Everyone was sitting inside, the view is amazing from there but I wanted to eat and prefer to watch the sea from outside. I could have the whole aria outside for myself!

I looked at the menu.

50 euros for one person!

That is too much!

I’m not going to eat for 50 euros plus water and desert and everything, I would end up paying 100 euros and I can eat for that 10 times at least. The waiter came to me. I looked at him, perhaps a bit devastated and he said: Look, we have something amazing not so expensive.

There was a pricelist on one of the pillars.

Yes, this was different. 7, 5 euros and up to 10.

Of course this was just the main menu but who cares. I might end up paying 16 for everything, including desert and I knew the food was good.

I ordered and got snails for appetiser with bread. They did not have goat cheese and I did not want the olives. The olives are everywhere.

My God, the snails were yummy. I will definitely have them again, the next time.

Then it was time for the main course. It was some kind of fish, I have no idea what, but it was delish and white beans with wonderful sauce and white rice. I asked for the rice, I like rise with my food but sometimes, well most of the time, here in Portugal it is cooked to hell but this one was not. It was fluffy and wonderful.

I could not eat half of my main course but that is simply because I don´t eat much. I asked the waiter to give my compliments to the cook.

For desert I had a Brule. Oh, my day was just like in heaven.

The cook in this restaurant is an elderly Portuguese lady. In the other restaurants the cooks are young and in some of them even not from Portugal although making “Portuguese food”.

Usually I don´t like Portuguese cooking. They kill the food and it does not taste of anything except salt and oil. Sorry.

Yesterday was different. The wonderful lady that is the cook in my now favourite restaurant knows how to make proper food.

It was not too salty and it was not too sweet. It was not floating in oil. It was just perfect. I have to meet her the next time. I want to see her and give her a hug. It is so rare to get Portuguese cooking like this.

The waiters, 2 of them, told me what I could have next time and I am definitely going to take their suggestions into account. Fish on spear! Yessss! And not filthy expensive, just a tiny bit, but well worth trying.

So after dinner I left and walked around, met some people and I asked them why there were so few people at the beach this time. They told me that this year and last one fever tourist came. They did not know what happened but this was the case.

One young man told me that when he and his friends were children they got into the pinewoods for playing. He said with so much sorrow in his voice that his children would never see the pine woods. They would never be able to play in the woods like he had. He shed a tear. Just imagine the tragedy of the destruction of those old trees which takes centuries to rebuild. The cleaning has begun and it is devastating to look at the gaping holes.

This is where I came every summer and collected pines for the winter to use in my fireplace. No more pines there. No more live there, just horrible manmade destruction. Madness and nothing else!

Will the criminals be put in jail?

I asked the young men I was talking to.

They said no.

The criminals have got money and they bribe the judges, they said.

So sad, but the reality is in front of us when we drive through the destruction. The history has been put on fire. Lives were lost and nothing can be done.

The criminals get away and everything pretends to be normal again.

I will go back to Vieira later in the summer. There is no way the criminals will keep me away. They cannot!

I hope all the brave fishermen came back yesterday and next time I will go down to the boats and talk to some of them. I want to know more about the fisherman’s life in my little land.

I might need to bring sandalias with me next time!

 

Hulda Björnsdóttir

22. June 2018

I have not been writing for some time, I think my last one was a month ago more or less.

On the 22^nd of May was my birthday.

As you know I have been on Facebook and my blogs go there and are public. My birthday had a surprise in store for me.

I got a message from a woman who has made it her goal throughout decades to smear my reputation and spread lies about me, to my friends just as well as others. This message was a birthday wish and since it was on Facebook it was easy to delete. Deleting the woman´s message and blocking her as well was the easy part.

7 years ago this woman stole from me a lot of money. I asked her to return the money but never got a reply and the money was lost.

This woman has been on a crusade against me for almost 60 years and succeeded sometimes. My friends, my true friends have of course not believed her and they usually told me what was going on, to warn me.

So, when I saw the message with the birthday wish something broke in my mind. I realised that I would never be free, or was that the case?

I am not sure.

It is up to me to shake off the lies and continue my path in live. No one else has the power or the ability to heal my soul. It would be easy if I could take some pills or get a surgery and everything would be ok and I left alone these few years I have left on this planet.

That is not how life works.

What I did was to have problems with my heart. My heart is not well and the surgery could not fix everything. To survive I have to take care of myself and try not to take to seriously happenings in my fragile life.

During these 30 days I have been sick or at least not feeling well. I gave control to someone else, and gave up mine.

Can you believe this?

Anyway, I have dear friends who care about me. They have helped me to survive and I am on the right track.

During this month I have also faced how gullible I was and sometimes are. I believe the best in people and close my eyes pretending not to see if I am being used.

I don´t know when or if ever I will be able to distinguish between true friendship and using friendship.

Whoever is taking care of me when I am on the wrong path is sometimes really tiring. I get lessons after lessons until finally I open my eyes. I wish I was quicker to learn. It would make my world so much easier and the mistakes would disappear.

Or would they?

I don´t think I would be happy if I always had a smooth sea and no ugly waves roaring around to overcome even though I don´t surf in real life.

I have to face the hurt.

I have to face letting me be used.

I have to face the disappointments.

And guess what; I do.

It takes time, sometimes longer and sometimes just a blink of an eye.

My heart is mending and today I got 2 messages where I was asked to continue to write.

I will, but to tell you the truth, it is not a good feeling to know that those who have the super goal in life to destroy me can read what I write. This feeling is mine. I have to concur it and ignore those who are out there to harm a woman that has sacrificed her life for ungrateful idiots.

You, the idiots who read this, if you do read it, I say to you: Leave me alone and live your lives. You will never have me in your life again. You will never be able to come and get help from me when you need it, even though you think “she will help, she always has”. I despise you and your doings. You have to deal with your guilt. You will have to face your selves in the mirror when the guilt roars its ugly tail in front of you, which it will. There is no place you can hide.

You, who read this and don´t belong to the idiots, I apologise to you for having to see me angry.

I will continue to write and since my health is on the mend I hope I will be able to put something here most of the days.

I thank you who have made the push. I thank you for your support and I want you to know that I appreciate it with all my heart.

Friends are worth more than diamonds and without them I would be lost.

Hulda Björnsdóttir

10. June 2018

How much can they talk?

Yesterday I left my home early in the morning and I had a plan.

Driving, it was not raining, and my plan changed. The beauty of having your own car is this. I can go out in the morning and end up somewhere and experience something really amazing and surprising.

When I left it was not raining. The sun was even shining but as always I was prepared for the worst and my umbrella in my rucksack.

I also took with me my tablet. I love to sit down somewhere and just write. Writing whatever comes to mind is often the miracle.

I ended up in Coimbra and parked my car far away from the centre. Walking is good and just parking your car not too close is a fine exercise without being an exercise.

Leaving my car and heading up the road I realised my phone was not in my pocket. Back to the car, still sunshine, and my friend was there waiting to be picked up. He went into my pocket; my rucksack on my back and off we went.

I noticed some mushrooms resting close to the broken tree. They are so beautiful and I just had to share with you.

I looked over the river and there was my favourite city bathed in sunshine and a soft breeze kissing the roof tops.

Crossing Santa Clara bridge and on the river the young athletes rowing their kayaks. Everything peaceful and not stress anywhere.

The hotel Astoria even smiling and the square was crowded with tourists, some from Spain others from China and Japan and even few Scandinavians and English. Everyone busy taking photos and some of them waiting for the guide. Just an ordinary Saturday tourist day.

What was different this Saturday was all the tables all around with homemade things. The Portuguese make a lot of goods at home and go during the weekends to places where tourists or just ordinary people gather and sell their goods. There was wine, cheese, jewellery, table cloths, books, paintings and you just imagine something and it would be there. These are just ordinary Portuguese people and this is their market place, or so to speak.

I like to stop and talk to the people. They are nice and interesting to see what they have been making during the week and even are making while selling. They think I am a foreigner and it always comes as a surprise that the tall woman in more Portuguese than anything else and at least not English.

Yesterday I spoke to a lady who made these amazingly beautiful jewellery of stone. Oh, so beautiful. I told her I would come back after an hour or more and buy something from her. I had found a gift for a friend which I have been thinking about sending something but have not found anything I liked. There, with this wonderful artist, was the peace. She looked at me and I could see her disbelieve. The truth is that when my countrymen don´t want to buy they use this “I will be back” and never return.

I continued down the road and now I was heading to the church and my plan totally forgotten.

When I am in the tourist road I always visit the church. It is beautiful and peaceful. It makes me pause and think.

Into the church I went and guess what, it was packet, there was a wedding.

Not quite a surprise to see there was a weeding because outside there had been a tiny white car with flowers and a white carpet leading into the church.

The priest was talking and he obviously enjoyed listening to himself talking. The priests sometimes do this. They go on and on and on and on, about almost nothing. He spoke a lot about the heart and the love and the family and the heart again and more about the love. He was having a blast.

The bride and groom just sat there, the guests became a bit restless and moved around, at least those who sat at the back where I had put myself. I was the intruder and did not want to be noticed, at least not too much.

I have never experienced a weeding that long. After the rings had been put on the correct hand and the family picture taken I thought it was over. Oh no, there was singing, and more talking and more singing. Eventually the bride began kissing and hugging the guests and suddenly the groom was lost! I could not see him. Where did he go? Well, he was not fat, and there were lot of people quite wide, so no wonder he got lost in all the embracing and hugging and kissing.

After more than 2 hours I decided to leave and tiptoed outside.

The rain had arrived.

A lot of rain poured down and the umbrella was wonderful and protective.

I noticed a couple standing outside a shop opposite the church. Definitely tourists, they are everywhere. The couple did not have an umbrella. They stood there, she in her sandals and he in proper shoes. Eventually they moved under the restaurant umbrella, totally wet but they waited.

A group of people from the university was going to perform inside the church but could not get in. The weeding was continuing and they, the group, decided to perform outside the church door. It was raining but they sang. In the evening, they told me, there would be a concert at 9 and if I wanted I was invited. I thanked them but of course then I would be in bed at my home, but they were nice. They always are and during this time of the year they are everywhere trying to collect some money for their celebration in June. I gave them some euros and they left.

Eventually the newly wed appeared. They came outside and got rice and flowers and balloons and everything thrown at them. The ladies, the guests, got completely soaking wet, it was raining like hell, but they just took of their high heels and stood in their bare feet letting the rain wash the toes.

I went back, back to the jewellery woman and bought the bracelet for my friend. The husband was there now. He smelled of alcohol and tried to sell me more. He explained to me that it was a must for a beautiful lady like me to have many bracelets and earrings. I tried to explain to him that I had already too many but he was persistent. Eventually the wife, the artist, told him that I had been with her few hours before and had already decided what to buy. He gave me discount!

Now it was long past lunch and I had not eaten anything since breakfast. There was no doubt in my mind that I would faint on my way back to the car, maybe I would faint on Santa Clara bridge and someone would through me into the river. That could not happen so I went into a new small restaurant which sold ice cream but luckily also some food. I told them I was hungry. What could they recommend? They had no idea. I got a sandwich with something and a bottle of water. At least it was some food and I was in that moment desperate just to get something, anything would be fine.

I ate my lunch and guess what. The wet tourists came into the restaurant and bought ice cream with mango. They were still wet but ice cream was what they wanted. The tourists are strange, don´t you think?

After eating my sandwich and drinking the water I left and headed back to my car. It was still there waiting for me and how good it felt to get into it from the horrible rain. I was totally soaking wet from head to toe. Home was my dream and my wonderful car who does always what I ask him to do took me home.

I think the umbrella is still in the car. I have not been out today.

The bloody neighbour downstairs came home at 3 30 last night, banging and shouting during the rest of the night.

Most of the day he has been playing loud music but he went out 2 hours ago. I was hoping he would stay forever at the hospital but that was hope in wain. He is back.

Tomorrow is a Monday and a new week. What the week will have in store for me is a secret.

Although I know that I will not be writing about the disgusting government in Iceland and how they treat the poor, the elderly, the handicapped and those who don´t belong to the elite.

I have decided no more writing; it is hopeless anyway, about Iceland.

Giving up is not in my character but I had to choose; either to continue this hopeless struggle or save my heart and live maybe few more wonderful years.

I chose my live and to enjoy what is left of it.

To my foreign friends I want to say this: I have been neglecting you but now there will be change. You will be my priority.

Hulda Björnsdóttir

5.júní 2018

Á Lifðu núna, er pistil eftir formann FEB þar sem hann fer á kostum enn eina ferðina.

Manngreyið veit ekki sitt rjúkandi ráð og er nú líklega kominn í efri hæðir ruglsins.

Hrokinn er samur við sig.

Hann talar ekki um mig sem hinn “minnsta bróður” lengur.

Hann hefur fært sig úr prestshempunni yfir í íþróttaskóna.

Nú er hann orðinn formaður FEB og nágrennis.

Hvaða félagsskapur er þetta? Hefur eitthvað nýtt apparat verið stofnað til viðbótar við herinn?

Hér á eftir er smá sýnishorn af skrifum þessa ágæta manns sem ég las á síðu “Lifðu núna”

“Margt af því sem lofað var, er auðvitað háð tíma, fjármálum, lögum og þátttöku ríkisins. Svo ekki sé talað um fátæktina hjá eldri borgurum. Tölum örlítið um hana. Fátæktina.

Fyrr í vetur (í tengslum við fjárlög á Alþingi og fjármálaáætlun ríkisins)voru ellilífeyrisbætur hækkaðar hæst í kr. 300 þús. Hækkaðar um tæp 5%, á sama tíma og framfærsluviðmið voru reiknuð í 350 þúsund kr. Með öðrum orðum, hámarksgreiðslur TR eru langt fyrir neðan viðurkennd framfærslumörk.”

“Ellert B Schram, formaður FEB og nágrennis.”

TILVITNUN LÝKUR OG NÚ TEK ÉG, HULDA BJÖRNSDÓTTIR, VIÐ

Hvað er það svo sem ég hef við þetta að athuga?

Jú,

Númer eitt herra formaður FEB og nágrennis!

Ellilífeyrir TR er EKKI 300 þúsund krónur. Hann hækkaði EKKI í 300 þúsund krónur.

Elllílífeyrir er krónur 239.484

Hvernig fær svo formaðurinn þessar 300 þúsund krónur inn í höfuðið?

Jú, hann heldur að félagsleg uppbót, sem heitir heimilisuppbót og er krónur 60.516, sé hluti af ellilífeyri.

Hann hlustar á fjármálaráðherra ljúga að þjóðinni og líklega trúir þessi formaður öllu sem fjármálaráðherra hefur fram að færa.

Ég hef reynt að segja aumingja manninum áður að heimilisuppbót sé ekki lífeyrir, hún er félagsleg aðstoð rétt eins og bílastyrkur og fleira þess háttar. Þessi félagslega aðstoð er bara fyrir suma eldri borgara og alls ekki fyrir ALLA sem búa einir. Þeir sem flytja úr landi til þess að drepast ekki úr hungri fá engar félagslegar uppbætur frá Íslandi jafnvel þó þeir hafi alla sína starfsævi greitt skatta og skyldur til íslensks samfélags. Nei, þeir sem flytja úr landi geta étið það sem úti frýs og átt sig.

Ég ætla mér ekki þá dul að hægt sé að koma formanni hins nýstofnaða félags FEB og nágrennis í skilning um hvernig málefnum aldraðra er háttað á Íslandi.

Þessi ágæti maður hefur nú klikkt út niðurlægingu og hroka með nýju orði. Nú heita í hans huga ellilaun sem greidd eru frá TR ellilífeyrisbætur

ELLILÍFEYRISBÆTUR

Er hægt að toppa þetta?

Þar sem ég er andstyggilega þenkjandi þá þætti mér áhugavert að vita hve háar greiðslur fyrrverandi þingmaður og íþróttamaður og núverandi formaður einhvers nýs félags sem kallast FEB og nágrennis, fær á mánuði hverjum?

Hvað varð um félagið sem maðurinn var formaður fyrir? Er búið að leggja það niður?

Getur það verið að maður sem stendur í forsvari fyrir rúmlega ellefu þúsund eldri borgara viti ekki fyrir hvaða félag hann er að vinna?

Hvar er stjórn þessa félags’

Þarf stjórnin ekki að skoða sinn gang?

Hvernig stendur á því að formaður félags sem telur yfir 11 þúsund manns veit ekki hve upphæð eftirlauna frá TR er og veit ekki einu sinni hvert nafn félagsins er?

Hvernig stendur á því að þessi sami formaður hefur nú fundið upp nýtt orð til þess að lýsa greiðslum frá TR til þeirra sem eru komnir á eftirlauna aldur?

Getur formaðurinn ekki notað þau hugtök sem fyrir eru? Eða eru þau kannski ekki nægilega niðurlægjandi fyrir mig og mína líka?

Er formaðurinn vísvitandi að ljúga að okkur þegar hann skrifar í hjartnæmu ánægju vímuástandi að við höfum fengið hækkun á eftirlaunum frá TR upp í heilar 300 þúsund krónur á mánuði?

Getur það verið að formaðurinn viti ekki betur?

Getur það verið að svona málflutningur standi í vegi fyrir því að málefni eldri borgara séu í raun og veru skoðuð en ekki endalaust látin í samræðuhóp, formanninum til mikillar ánægju?

Er öll stjórn félags eldri borgara í Reykjavík og nágrennis gjörsmalega vanhæf, eða er það bara formaðurinn?

Stendur öll stjórn FEB í Reykjavík og nágrenni að baki ummælum formannsins, um að eftirlaun frá TR hafi nú risið upp í 300 þúsund?

Ef svo er þá er illt í efni.

Hulda Björnsdóttir

 

 

27^th of May 2018

Sometimes it looks like life is similar to a spider web.

You are sucked into it like a fly and can’t do anything except follow the threads.

The spider spins and the web grows but you get smaller and smaller, no escape.

Is it really like that?

I find spider webs amazingly beautiful and they are sometimes outside my balcony door. Watching the animal working like an artist is something.

I know how to get caught in a web. I can blindly walk into one and feel quite happy, for the time being.

The softness and the beauty embracing me can make me forget the reality.

My teacher said many years ago that I was gullible and my class made jokes letting me contemplate on what amused them. I never expected what was happening, until it was too late.

During the years, becoming a bit more mature, I sometimes could see through the threads and even make decent decisions.

Few days ago I had a birthday. I got many greetings and appreciated them all, or almost all of them. Some were during Facebook, some by e-mail and some by phone.

Unexpected phone calls and not receiving expected phone calls. Just a normal process.

At the end of the day I saw a message on Facebook from someone whishing me happy birthday and I was quite surprised. This one was the least expected and not welcome.

Thank god for the privacy policy and the ability to delete from my page what I don´t want there.

I was quick to delete the message and block the sender.

Who is this unwelcome person?

Should I dignify the person by talking about her?

No!

I have been stuck in the web some mean people have tried to put me into, but I have always escaped. This time I did not even think about entering the web. This time I was just taken by surprise and acted immediately.

There are lessons to be learned.

Life hands out the lessons as long as we need them.

I needed this one obviously, since I got it, but I passed the test.

Those who have been trying to bring me down for decades, by spreading lies and other delicatessens have no power over me anymore.

What a great feeling!

Freedom and nothing less!

I am grateful for every lesson I get. They are sometimes hard and tiring but when I pass the test the feeling is freedom.

Watching the beautiful spiders weave their web in the rain is perhaps the universe in the utmost beauty.

Feeling the freedom and joy, when having enough courage to rip of the dirt is unbelievable, and cannot be put into words.

Striving for freedom is worth it even though it can be a rocky road.

Hulda Björnsdóttir

 

22^nd of May 2018

Today is my birthday.

Now I don´t have to figure out how many years I do have behind me, I can just use the number that I have been using for better part of the last year.

So, it´s a birthday, a new beginning and a new future.

I don´t like birthdays much. There is supposed to be a party, which I don´t like and there are all these expectations.

I have tried to celebrate my birthday few times during my life and it has most of the time become a disaster.

I am good at celebrating others birthdays but mine is tabu!

This time is a bit different.

This time I welcome the day and the new future.

This time I am grateful for getting one more year in my book of life and I can live it to the fullest if that is what I want.

I have been realizing, as so often before, how lucky I am. Being independent and able to hop into my car a just drive into the unknown is a privilege.

It would kill me to have a discussion every time something hits me and I want to act now.

I was born into loneliness and that is most likely why I don´t ever feel lonely. That is a great gift.

Yesterday I was talking to a friend. We were discussing the importance of keeping the independence and dignity. One of her friends is 84 years old with heart problems. He just drove away and few minutes later the phone rang.

It was the 84 year old man’s daughter.

She told my friend that the father had been in an accident and was stressed. Could you go and talk to him? the daughter asked.

My friend went immediately. I drove by to see if there was anything I could do to help. The police was there. 3 cars, one badly damaged and the 84 year old standing beside my friend, shaking.

I just drove on, there was nothing I could do, everything was as it should be and I would just have been in the way.

I felt helpless, but accepted that sometimes it is not my place to help.

Today I will visit and see if they need anything. Yesterday is gone and now it is a new day. I could of course ignore them and hope for the best but I think it is always better to show passion.

How is my new year going to turn out?

I have no idea, which is the wonder about future, it is unknown.

I have an idea how I would like it to be, but not in detail.

I might make a picture like my favourite guru tells me to do.

Shaping the future begins in the mind.

I sometimes forget to listen to my intuition and act on what pops up in my mind without listening to the gut feeling.

That is when I make the biggest mistakes, but luckily there is always something that tries to wake me up, sometimes it works and sometimes not.

Be careful, said one of my dear friends.

Don´t do it, said another wonderful friend.

You will regret it for the rest of your life, said another.

You will lose your independence, said the third one.

I listened and made a decision which I am happy with.

I am gullible and believe the best, but often times everything is not what it looks like and that is when I need to open my eyes wide and listen to my heart.

Can you believe it that my next and most important task is to find a wood supplier who can stack up the wood in my garage. I have during last years bought wood from a wonderful family but this year I want to change and try something else.

It is like a hairdresser. I have the same hairdresser forever and don´t change. One day I decide it would be interesting to change and try something new. It does not mean that my hairdresser is not good. I love her but I want to try something new. Most likely I will go back to my current one, but at least I have got up from the track and made a new one!

For seven years I have had really ugly lights in my living room. Really ugly ones!

Why?

Because I have not found anything that has taken my breath away and that is what I want.

Lights are not just lights, they are art.

Yesterday I saw my dream light for the living room. It is handmade and looks like a tree or rather like a branch. It took my breath away. This is it, flew through my mind. I could see it over my beautiful dining table in the living room.

Ohhhh.

A piece of art is never cheap.

This one is VERY expensive.

If it is supposed to become mine it will after September. In September I have to pay my contribution to the society and when that is done I can do whatever I like to do.

Since the piece is so expensive the Portuguese won’t buy it. They will just look and admire and take a step back when the price tag appears.

I want to say thank you to all my friends who have wished me happy birthday, some by email, some by messages and some by Facebook. Your thoughts mean a lot to me.

On a day like this with the sun coming out and the warmth rising with the birds singing their symphony there is no way to be sad.

I am grateful for every year I have.

I don´t have that many left so each year counts more than when I was younger.

My luck is endless. Independence means everything to me and that is what I am going to keep.

I hope every day in your life, my reader, will be full of joy and happiness, but remember whenever there is a cloud the shining star is not far away.

Hulda Björnsdóttir

 

20^th of May 2018

Just a thought

The corruption

It gives me the creeps when I think about the corruption that is like pest plague in the country where I was born. Iceland is the land of corruption these days and has been since before the bankruptcy 2008. There is no end to the greed. Those belonging to the richest families in the country continue to buy and sell the country to those in favour, even to foreigners. This all goes on while there are people starving, there are people homeless, there are people killing themselves because there is no way out.

Now the government tells the unions that everything is stable and the common people cannot get paid more!

Just thinking about this makes me sad and furious.

In my new land, Portugal, there is also corruption everywhere.

During the process of trying to move from my apartment and build a house which would keep me warm during the cold months, has opened my eyes and yesterday I had to look me into the eye and ask if I really wanted to fall into the pit with the corruption. I almost did but something held me back and now I am free.

Looking at the trend here and learning more and more about the way business is done makes me sick.

How can a teacher coming from an ordinary family have 40 thousand EUR in the pocket?

How can this same person buy a house and renovate for 70 thousand EUR without going to the bank?

How can a house and an apartment change hands and nothing is documented?

The same man who sold me the apartment 7 years ago has now made this swoop with people who just 2 years ago were complaining to me about how little money they had.

Did they win the lottery?

No they did not.

How can people on minimum wages afford to buy things for several thousand just like blinking an eye?

Oh, there is an explanation. The Portuguese way. Don´t pay taxes. Let idiots like me pay the taxes so the money payed behind the table are available to buy new houses, new cars or whatever.

This year I will pay almost 8 thousand EUR in tax. One third of my pension it is.

I am happy to pay taxes. No society can survive without them.

What makes me furious; those who consider it just normal and wonderful to cheat on me and the system and tell me and those law obeying idiots that we should shut up and be happy.

I almost fell into the trap.

I walked with closed eyes towards becoming in a small part a participant in a system I loathe.

It does not matter if it is a small or a big part.

I am grateful for the power that took over and made sure that I could not do what I would have regretted for the rest of my life.

Disappointments can be a blessing.

I am grateful to the lady who decided not to sell me the land I fell in love with so many years ago.

The disappointment was that I had almost fallen into a horrible situation with open eyes and there would not have been any way back.

Gratitude is what I feel now.

Gratitude for the protection I got from somewhere.

I don´t know why, but something is protecting me, something higher that me makes sure if I open my eyes that I don’t make too many mistakes.

On Tuesday is my birthday, a new beginning and a new year on the 22nd. How will this year be?

Have not got a clue!

I am excited.

New adventures are around the corner.

New beginning is like an empty page.

Empty page which will be filled with happiness and joy, no doubt about it.

I will pay my taxes with a smile and be grateful for my contribution to the community that takes care of me.

Shame on those who cheat.

Hulda Björnsdóttir

 

17^th of May 2018

This is day 17 of my holiday

Even though I am home in my bed and recovering from a horrible mattress that almost killed me!

Today is a beautiful day and hot and wonderful.

27 degrees so far but up to 29 later in the afternoon and the clouds are full of pictures, the ones that are sailing slowly and enjoying the warmth, just like we the humans.

Shoes!

What is it about shoes?

I saw something about the wedding in UK and there they were showing shoes.

My oh my

Beautiful white shoes, which of course I wear only in my wildest dreams!

But

I have got a friend that loves shoes just as much as I do.

She can wear them but now she is renovating a house, with her husband and when she gets this look, the shoe look, he says;

My dear wife, we are making a new roof!

No shoes now, please!

She is a wonderful wife and just dreams about the beautiful ones!

Since I broke my shoulder and my doctor told me that my bones are like glass I am only wearing ugly comfy shoes.

It is a pity but this is life.

I am not ruining my story about the beautiful Megan shoes by saying anymore.

Dreaming on is my destiny!

Hulda Björnsdóttir

13. may 2018

Day 13 is there.

Today is the day of Fatima. The pilgrims have arrived and the celebration is on.

So what is Fatima and why is there a celebration today?

Fátima is a central Portuguese town that’s home to the Sanctuary of Fátima, a Catholic pilgrimage site. The Capelinha das Aparições marks the spot where the Virgin Mary allegedly appeared in 1917. Other sacred sites include the Basílica de Nossa Senhora do Rosário, with its golden angels, and the modern church of Igreja da Santíssima Trindade. The Museu de Arte Sacra e Etnologia exhibits religious artifacts.

The modern church reminds me a bit of a Chinese conference venue. It is huge and when I was there seemed to me rather naked.

There is another church, the older one, which I like a lot, but that is just me.

So, these last days the pilgrims have walked from their villages all around the country and finally arrived to participate in the joy. What I found heart-warming this year was when I saw a younger man supporting his grandfather while they walked. There was love in the support and different from what I have seen before. Usually they are just walking, either silent or talking and this is the first time I see this physical support. Wonderful!

The pilgrims walk during the day, they stop to have food and there are cars following them. They do sleep during the night. Some are driven back to their homes in the evening so they can sleep in their beds and then they are taken back to the point they left last night and the walk continues. Some of them stay during the night in a camper van. At least everyone gets a good night’s rest.

Yesterday there was a video from one of my Facebook friends from the mass held yesterday evening and the square packed. A rather cold evening but who cares. This is the celebration of the year for many.

The story about Virgin Mary is beautiful and in a way wonderful to continue remembering it.

Some say that Fatima has lost its touch and become a money machine. In some ways I agree but this day is different. This day is wholly.

The day before yesterday I took a walk around a village not far from where I am staying. I parked my car and explored.

Walking is perfect to know the land. You see it in a different light.

My walk began at the square. There is a beautiful church, coffee shop, a huge tree with benches and tables and the tree functions as a parasol. 4 men sitting at the table looked at the foreigner.

Where did she come from? they asked each other.

Boa tarde, I said and they smiled.

Then I took a walk down the narrow road behind the church and in front of me there was a sight I see often in the villages here in my little land.

Abandoned houses. A lot of them. In between there were few and I mean few, houses which seemed to be used but the majority was just destroyed. Broken doors, broken windows, roofs falling apart.

This is a sight in the villages all around the country. People have left; there are no companies anymore and few inhabitants. In this village it looks like those still living there are farmers. Tractors driving through, smiling people, dogs walking around and among them a huge one. He was like a calf but did not bother me and totally ignored the stranger. Playing with a tiny one was more important and I could breathe easy and continue my walk.

2 goats enjoying the sun with lots of grass around them opened one eye just to see who was there when I took a photo. Peace is wonderful.

When I came back to the square a loud music from somewhere sounded and a lady sitting at her doorstep holding a beautiful dog’s paws trying to make him dance was in front of me next to my car. The lady had only two teeth but she smiled happy and did not care. When you are in the sunshine with a dancing dog you don´t care about vanity.

I left the village and thought about the Eurovision and all its glamour. How much that would cost and was it worth the effort when the villages are slowly dying? I don´t know but I find it sad to see all those abandoned little beautiful villages, thinking about the people who used to live there and asking myself where they all are now.

Since Eurovision was held in my country I had to watch it. I felt it was my obligation but how boring and thank God I don´t have to watch it again next year.

I have not watched Eurovision in decades and had completely forgotten how boring it is!

And seeing that Iceland was the last one made me wonder why they keep participating, but of course that has nothing to do with me and I should not care. I left long time ago.

Today is a sunny day, not as cold as yesterday and tomorrow there will be more sunshine and warmer.

Although I am enjoying the holiday I have to cut it short. I have a problem sleeping on the bed and last night I slept on the floor. The mattress is killing my back and I have never eaten as many painkillers as those last 2 weeks. Enough is enough and I have been reminding me that we always get what we pay for. I did not make sure before booking that the beds would be ok so this is just my fault and no one else’s. I am going to miss the area and the beauty and peace but sleeping is also important. I have met several wonderful people during my stay here and will definitely be back for a visit. I could even think of buying a land here but there is none available so that’s it.

Going back home in 2 days is ok, I will continue exploring the little land and now I have to find another place to build my wood house since the owner of the one I wanted has decided not to follow the law and make the necessary papers available. A huge disappointment it was but live goes on.

There is always a shining star behind every cloud and what happens is always for the best.

There is a reason behind this disappointment and will turn into something even better.

I have learned a lot during this process. I have also seen the pros and cons about my former plan which will make my life easier.

My apartment will be sold but that might take some months, which is normal, and while that is going on I can make a new plan.

Having a plan is vital.

Changing a plan is exciting.

Learning from what has already occurred is perhaps the shining star.

2 more days left in Beijós and who knows what happens after that? I have no idea. The plan is to get rid of the pain in the body and imagine how wonderful it will be to sleep in my own bed! Oh, I can´t wait.

Have a great day and enjoy the lessons life delivers.

Hulda Björnsdóttir