22nd of May 2018
Today is my birthday.
Now I don´t have to figure out how many years I do have behind me, I can just use the number that I have been using for better part of the last year.
So, it´s a birthday, a new beginning and a new future.
I don´t like birthdays much. There is supposed to be a party, which I don´t like and there are all these expectations.
I have tried to celebrate my birthday few times during my life and it has most of the time become a disaster.
I am good at celebrating others birthdays but mine is tabu!
This time is a bit different.
This time I welcome the day and the new future.
This time I am grateful for getting one more year in my book of life and I can live it to the fullest if that is what I want.
I have been realizing, as so often before, how lucky I am. Being independent and able to hop into my car a just drive into the unknown is a privilege.
It would kill me to have a discussion every time something hits me and I want to act now.
I was born into loneliness and that is most likely why I don´t ever feel lonely. That is a great gift.
Yesterday I was talking to a friend. We were discussing the importance of keeping the independence and dignity. One of her friends is 84 years old with heart problems. He just drove away and few minutes later the phone rang.
It was the 84 year old man’s daughter.
She told my friend that the father had been in an accident and was stressed. Could you go and talk to him? the daughter asked.
My friend went immediately. I drove by to see if there was anything I could do to help. The police was there. 3 cars, one badly damaged and the 84 year old standing beside my friend, shaking.
I just drove on, there was nothing I could do, everything was as it should be and I would just have been in the way.
I felt helpless, but accepted that sometimes it is not my place to help.
Today I will visit and see if they need anything. Yesterday is gone and now it is a new day. I could of course ignore them and hope for the best but I think it is always better to show passion.
How is my new year going to turn out?
I have no idea, which is the wonder about future, it is unknown.
I have an idea how I would like it to be, but not in detail.
I might make a picture like my favourite guru tells me to do.
Shaping the future begins in the mind.
I sometimes forget to listen to my intuition and act on what pops up in my mind without listening to the gut feeling.
That is when I make the biggest mistakes, but luckily there is always something that tries to wake me up, sometimes it works and sometimes not.
Be careful, said one of my dear friends.
Don´t do it, said another wonderful friend.
You will regret it for the rest of your life, said another.
You will lose your independence, said the third one.
I listened and made a decision which I am happy with.
I am gullible and believe the best, but often times everything is not what it looks like and that is when I need to open my eyes wide and listen to my heart.
Can you believe it that my next and most important task is to find a wood supplier who can stack up the wood in my garage. I have during last years bought wood from a wonderful family but this year I want to change and try something else.
It is like a hairdresser. I have the same hairdresser forever and don´t change. One day I decide it would be interesting to change and try something new. It does not mean that my hairdresser is not good. I love her but I want to try something new. Most likely I will go back to my current one, but at least I have got up from the track and made a new one!
For seven years I have had really ugly lights in my living room. Really ugly ones!
Why?
Because I have not found anything that has taken my breath away and that is what I want.
Lights are not just lights, they are art.
Yesterday I saw my dream light for the living room. It is handmade and looks like a tree or rather like a branch. It took my breath away. This is it, flew through my mind. I could see it over my beautiful dining table in the living room.
Ohhhh.
A piece of art is never cheap.
This one is VERY expensive.
If it is supposed to become mine it will after September. In September I have to pay my contribution to the society and when that is done I can do whatever I like to do.
Since the piece is so expensive the Portuguese won’t buy it. They will just look and admire and take a step back when the price tag appears.
I want to say thank you to all my friends who have wished me happy birthday, some by email, some by messages and some by Facebook. Your thoughts mean a lot to me.
On a day like this with the sun coming out and the warmth rising with the birds singing their symphony there is no way to be sad.
I am grateful for every year I have.
I don´t have that many left so each year counts more than when I was younger.
My luck is endless. Independence means everything to me and that is what I am going to keep.
I hope every day in your life, my reader, will be full of joy and happiness, but remember whenever there is a cloud the shining star is not far away.
Hulda Björnsdóttir
My thoughts shared with you 