- June 2018
I have not been writing for some time, I think my last one was a month ago more or less.
On the 22nd of May was my birthday.
As you know I have been on Facebook and my blogs go there and are public. My birthday had a surprise in store for me.
I got a message from a woman who has made it her goal throughout decades to smear my reputation and spread lies about me, to my friends just as well as others. This message was a birthday wish and since it was on Facebook it was easy to delete. Deleting the woman´s message and blocking her as well was the easy part.
7 years ago this woman stole from me a lot of money. I asked her to return the money but never got a reply and the money was lost.
This woman has been on a crusade against me for almost 60 years and succeeded sometimes. My friends, my true friends have of course not believed her and they usually told me what was going on, to warn me.
So, when I saw the message with the birthday wish something broke in my mind. I realised that I would never be free, or was that the case?
I am not sure.
It is up to me to shake off the lies and continue my path in live. No one else has the power or the ability to heal my soul. It would be easy if I could take some pills or get a surgery and everything would be ok and I left alone these few years I have left on this planet.
That is not how life works.
What I did was to have problems with my heart. My heart is not well and the surgery could not fix everything. To survive I have to take care of myself and try not to take to seriously happenings in my fragile life.
During these 30 days I have been sick or at least not feeling well. I gave control to someone else, and gave up mine.
Can you believe this?
Anyway, I have dear friends who care about me. They have helped me to survive and I am on the right track.
During this month I have also faced how gullible I was and sometimes are. I believe the best in people and close my eyes pretending not to see if I am being used.
I don´t know when or if ever I will be able to distinguish between true friendship and using friendship.
Whoever is taking care of me when I am on the wrong path is sometimes really tiring. I get lessons after lessons until finally I open my eyes. I wish I was quicker to learn. It would make my world so much easier and the mistakes would disappear.
Or would they?
I don´t think I would be happy if I always had a smooth sea and no ugly waves roaring around to overcome even though I don´t surf in real life.
I have to face the hurt.
I have to face letting me be used.
I have to face the disappointments.
And guess what; I do.
It takes time, sometimes longer and sometimes just a blink of an eye.
My heart is mending and today I got 2 messages where I was asked to continue to write.
I will, but to tell you the truth, it is not a good feeling to know that those who have the super goal in life to destroy me can read what I write. This feeling is mine. I have to concur it and ignore those who are out there to harm a woman that has sacrificed her life for ungrateful idiots.
You, the idiots who read this, if you do read it, I say to you: Leave me alone and live your lives. You will never have me in your life again. You will never be able to come and get help from me when you need it, even though you think “she will help, she always has”. I despise you and your doings. You have to deal with your guilt. You will have to face your selves in the mirror when the guilt roars its ugly tail in front of you, which it will. There is no place you can hide.
You, who read this and don´t belong to the idiots, I apologise to you for having to see me angry.
I will continue to write and since my health is on the mend I hope I will be able to put something here most of the days.
I thank you who have made the push. I thank you for your support and I want you to know that I appreciate it with all my heart.
Friends are worth more than diamonds and without them I would be lost.