My thoughts shared with you

11. April 2020

A new day has arrived. A new day in a situation that is completely mad and nothing less.

In my little village there is just grey and cloudy weather at least at the moment.

I am angry this moment about so many things and I can´t talk about why.

Now I need my friends more than ever and I cannot go to them but I can talk to them on the internet or by phone. I know that, but I want to sit opposite the friends and I want to drink with them either coffee or tea and have some cake or whatever.

I don´t want to be locked up in my apartment or in my village. I want to go wherever I decide at the moment I decide.

I want to shout and scream.

I want to live a different time NOW

Nothing can be done, except I can take a walk around my village in the grey ugly weather!

I am ungrateful now.

I am unhappy I think, but I am not sure if that is the feeling.

I just want normal!

This is me today or rather this moment. Maybe I will feel different in the afternoon.

I have to get up from those depressing thoughts and be joyful again, because if I don´t I will lose my mind and that might be difficult to find again.

This is a strange day for me, a day next to Easter which is a holiday and like other holidays I hate those days and am relieved when they are over.

Please don´t tell me to be grateful for anything now. I cannot do it this moment. I have to feel like I feel now and I must ask you not to try to make me feel different. You cannot fix me. I have to fix me if that is possible.

I just want to shout or scream into the nothingness.

Hulda Björnsdóttir

10. April 2020

Every day I do meditate.

I have a goal to figure out something. I have not figured out yet what I set up with but this evening I realised why I do tend to fall in love with people that don´t love me back.

Strange to say this but the truth is that I have known from the beginning that I was not welcome into this family of mine. During the years I have got proof and thought I had accepted the situation.

To make sure that my unworthiness continues I tend to choose people into my life that cannot for one reason or the other love me back. It fits into my opinion of myself to surround me with people who will never love me, they will just use me.

Strange to see this here on the paper but this is the truth. Until I learn and accept that I am worthy of love this pattern will continue.

I have no idea how to solve this. I have at least seen why and don´t have to walk in the wilderness about why!

Mediation is a healthy way to figure out what I need to figure out. The bonus is that suddenly something pops up, quite unexpected, like it did this evening about my unworthiness of being loved and having permission to love me.

Loving myself is step one.

Loving the right people is the next step, or rather not wasting my love on someone not worth it.

Easy since I have figured it out?

No, not at all.

Feelings are and feelings have to change but that can be complicated. I have to be willing to let go of my feelings and change what I can.

Holding on to what I know is sometimes easier than experiencing something new and different.

Loving my life is fine. I can do that without problems.

Loving the right people is the problem.

Making sure that I am not being used is complicated.

The feeling of rejection is strong and needs to be replaced with something else.

The road to recovery is sometimes with hurdles. I believe that being here now has a purpose for me. I am on a road to learn more and clean the past. Loving me and my past goes hand in hand, I think.

The teachers are there for me. It takes time to learn and when one lesson is over the next one pops up, just like in school where the lessons get more and more complicated but they are all worth the effort.

I am excited to see where my next steps lead me.

I have no idea where I am going; I am just trying to survive one day at a time in this strange world we live in today.

I have to admit that I find my journey quite exciting and interesting.

Walking in the rain today and visiting my dear castle in my little village was an adventure.

Tomorrow is another day and more adventures waiting.

My goal is to love me like I am, to be grateful for my past and have a bright and wonderful future.

Being worthy is great.

Hulda Björnsdóttir

9th of April 2020

Good morning, BOM dia, Góðan daginn

A rainy and cold morning but fresh and clean in my little village.

The sun is trying and might succeed later in the day

Being able to get the hugs in my dreams keeps me sane. Having a strong hand leading me during the day is great. Being sad is ok and being alive is also good.

I think about the people in AA and Al-Anon who need these warm tight hugs and embraces. How are they coping and how are the regular meetings continuing? The internet is an option. Do they use it? These groups are in my thoughts this moment. I hope they are using the solutions available.

I send you all hugs and kisses with love and light from my little land where we are preparing for the worst

Beijinhos amigos e abraços grandes com amore e luz

Hulda Björnsdóttir

8.apríl 2020

Sendi fréttamanni vísis þessa athugasemnd. Vonandi leiðréttir hann fréttina, eða er það ekki það sem við viljum?

Komdu sæll Jakob
Ég ætla að gera athugsemd við frétt þína um laun alþingismanna.
Það sem er hér á eftir innan gæsalappa er af Facebook síðu minni.
Þegar Kjaradómur var lagður niður voru sett lög um laun alþingismanna og eru þær hækkanir verðtryggðar. Lögin er hægt að sjá á vef Alþingis.

Þegar ég fletti upp á launum þingmanna á vef Alþingis núna rétt áðan þá kemur fram að laun hafa ekki hækkað fyrir árið 2019 og ekki heldur fyrir árið 2020, það sem af er.

Það sem hefur gerst er að Alþingi samþykkt að fresta launahækkun sem hefur átt að koma til framkvæmda afturvirkt. Alþingi hefur ekki samþykkt að fella þessar launahækkanir niður. Þær koma til framkvæmda væntanlega um næstu áramót að öllu óbreyttu.

Ég er hreint ekki að mæla bót á því hvernig laun þingmanna hafa verið verðtryggð á sama tíma og til dæmis lög um tekjur öryrkja og eldri borgara eru þverbrotin trekk í trekk og hafa til dæmist fallið niður þau ákvæði í framkvæmd að laun þessara hópa fylgi lægstu launum eða séu ekki fyrir neðan þau.

Hins vegar er allt í lagi að hafa svona fréttir um laun þingmanna réttar og aldrei þessu vant virðist BB hafa verið að segja sannleikann. Þingmenn fá greitt fyrir fram og hægt er að skoða á vef alþingis laun þeirra mörg ár aftur í tímann.

Vonandi leiðréttir þú fréttina því af nógu sukki er að taka.

Hér á eftir er færsla mín af Facebook þar sem BB skýrir út málið og ég sé ekki betur en þetta sé rétt:

””Takið eftir að Alþingi hefur samþykkt að FRESTA síðustu 2 launahækkunum. Alþingi hefur EKKI samþykkt að fella þær niður
Af síðu BB
“Þessi ,,frétt” á vísi.is er röng.
Og visir hefur allar nauðsynlegar upplýsingarnar til að fara rétt með.
Launahækkun sem átti að eiga sér stað 1.júlí í fyrra var með lögum færð til 1. janúar 2020. Þannig standa lögin þrátt fyrir að fyrir mistök í Fjársýslu ríkisins hafi sú hækkun ekki verið greidd út. Launin hækkuðu 1. jan 2020 í fyrsta skipti frá október 2016. Það er því rangt að hækkun taki gildi í sumar með afturvirkum hætti.
Við tókum svo ákvörðun á Alþingi með lagabreytingu um daginn að láta hækkunina, sem átti næst að verða 1. júlí, festast til áramóta.
Alþingi er ekki að ákveða neinar nýjar launahækkanir. Alþingi hefur hins vegar frestað tveimur síðustu launahækkunum. Það tel ég vera ábyrgt. Launin eru lögákveðin miðað við launaþróun næsta árs á undan. Það er fyrirkomulagið sem tók við eftir að við lögðum niður Kjararáð sem tók við eftir að við lögðum niður Kjaradóm. ”
“”
Kær kveðja
Hulda Björnsdóttir

8.apríl 2020

Laun þingmann eru auðvitað algjör vitfyrring og ætti að lækka þau hjá þeim öllum. Það er ekkert vit að þingmenn og aðrir sem hanga aftan í þeim skuli eiga von á leiðréttingu afturvirkt fyrir ótalda mánuði á meðan eldri borgarar, öryrkjar, og fátækt fólk lepur dauðann úr skel og á ekki fyrir næstu máltíð.

Ég fyrirlít græðgi sem viðgengst í þessum fínu kredsum en hef auðvitað ekkert vald til þess að gera eitt eða neitt. Kjósendur virðast vera að leggja blessun sína yfir sukkið og svínaríið með því að styðja ríkisstjórnina enn frekar nú á þessum tíma þar sem hjúkrunarliðið allt og starfsmenn spítalanna ættu að vera í fyrirrúmi með launahækkanir en sitja uppi með lækkanir.

7th of April 2020
Good morning

Bom dia

Góðan daginn

God dag

Guten Tag fraunde

A beautiful morning with 15 degrees at the moment and a bit chilly but will go up soon and the sun is clearly on the watch and will take over soon

Dreaming in colours is my way

I did have at least 3 dreams last night but the problem is that when it’s morning I’ve forgotten them if I don’t write them down as soon as I wake up

Well I remember that I was being hugged and embraced by a friend and I remember how good it felt to fall into the embrace and holding on tight like there was no tomorrow.

What a wonderful dream.

Hugging is a must for me

Experiencing the hugs in my dreams is all I get now but there will be time, not too far away, when hugging will be allowed and we will make sure that everyone gets one.

I believe that dreams, either awake or asleep, are important even as important as water.

The soul needs nourishing just as the body. Dreaming during times like this is a saviour.

Look at the reality, someone might say

I refuse to let this situation brake me

I just refuse to be without my dreams

I visualise my dreams and glide to a peaceful beautiful place where love and serenety are in charge.

Join me my friends

Let’s dream and believe they will become true

Let’s believe in happiness and joy

Let’s stay in the now one day at a time and enjoy what will appear at the moment

Hugs and kisses to you all from me, with love

Beijinhos amigos e abraços grandes com amore

Hulda Björnsdóttir

6th of April 2020
Good morning
Bom dia
Góðan daginn
Góð dag, guten Tag
Raining in Penela this morning
So
A new day and a new week with new beginning
Yesterday I listened to the mass in Fatima
The place should have been packed but it was empty
The situation is unbelievable and the solution is not there yet
Distance is the word of the month
Just imagine how horrible it is for humanity
We are supposed to be nice to each other but keep the distance at the same time
Today I think about my mother
Today I thank her for giving me life
Today I send blessings to my parents
Without them I would not be here experiencing perhaps the greatest personal growth in my whole life
My parents were not perfect
I am not perfect but we are all children of the universe and came to a world to learn a lesson
I’m learning mine
They have both left
The circle continues
Let’s be grateful for our parents even though they might not have been perfect
Hugs and kisses to you all my friends with love and light

Hulda Björnsdóttir

Just a thought shared with you!

Why do you make me feel less? Why do you not make me feel more? Why do I believe you?

Why do i chose people around me or in my innermost circle that make me feel less?

What is it in me that finds people like that all the time?

Why can I not change this?

Is it possible that I don´t deserve to be loved like I am, not like I should be?

Why do you mock my age?

Why do you think you are more than me because I have more years behind me and more life experience?

Why do you think you are more than me?

Why can we not be equals?

Why do you humiliate me?

What gave you the right to put the blame on me and not take responsibility for your actions? Why?

Could it be because you think I am less than you just because the age?

Could it be because I allow you to humiliate me and call me names?

I have to keep in my mind always, every minute that I am worthy of loving others and receiving love. No one can take that away from me.

It is ok if you don´t like or love me but please don´t blame me on your shortcomings. Trust is what I gave you. Trust is what you broke. Let´s not blame each other. Let´s just respect and be honest with ourselves.

It sometimes hurts to take responsibility for own doings and it might be tempting to put the blame on another but it does not make it all right and it hurts a lot, both the accuser and the one being accused will suffer.

Hulda Björnsdóttir