- April 2020
A new day has arrived. A new day in a situation that is completely mad and nothing less.
In my little village there is just grey and cloudy weather at least at the moment.
I am angry this moment about so many things and I can´t talk about why.
Now I need my friends more than ever and I cannot go to them but I can talk to them on the internet or by phone. I know that, but I want to sit opposite the friends and I want to drink with them either coffee or tea and have some cake or whatever.
I don´t want to be locked up in my apartment or in my village. I want to go wherever I decide at the moment I decide.
I want to shout and scream.
I want to live a different time NOW
Nothing can be done, except I can take a walk around my village in the grey ugly weather!
I am ungrateful now.
I am unhappy I think, but I am not sure if that is the feeling.
I just want normal!
This is me today or rather this moment. Maybe I will feel different in the afternoon.
I have to get up from those depressing thoughts and be joyful again, because if I don´t I will lose my mind and that might be difficult to find again.
This is a strange day for me, a day next to Easter which is a holiday and like other holidays I hate those days and am relieved when they are over.
Please don´t tell me to be grateful for anything now. I cannot do it this moment. I have to feel like I feel now and I must ask you not to try to make me feel different. You cannot fix me. I have to fix me if that is possible.
I just want to shout or scream into the nothingness.