11 th of January 2023
A new day has risen and new tasks follow
It was not a good beginning of this morning.
I feel heartbroken and sad
I have been crying like my heart is falling out of my body but at the moment I am not crying
I don´t know how to survive but I know I will, it just takes time.
What is devastating that I want to believe I am wrong and everything will be fine but I am afraid that I have been seriously wrong in my believing in people.
This is perhaps the hardest to accept.
I don´t know if I was wrong and the people who advised me were right.
At the moment I don´t know but as time passes and nothing changes, I will understand that it was all my mistake and the result is falling down emotionally and using all the power I have got inside me to rise up.
The morning is bright in my little village and the sun is shining.
I have been watering my flowers, just to try to think about something beautiful and true.
I am not sure how I would have survived through these times without my flowers. They somehow sooth my mind and make me see the beauty in life.
I am sure I am not alone in the world feeling like I do today but that does not help me a lot.
I asked God to help me, I truly begged him to ease the pain and give me faith in my life.
Its not far from crying again but I am surviving.
I always survive all the storms in my life but I am truly tired of it all.
I wanted my last years on this earth to be calm and happy.
These days there is just turmoil and broken heart.
All I can do is survive and have faith in the future.
I believe I can but it will take time and when I am completely sure that I made a big mistake then the recovery will come rapidly.
The serenity comes from accepting the things I can not change and change what I can. I am not there yet but I know I will be there one day.