It hurts so much

14th of June 2022

Just a thought!

I feel sad and frustrated.

I have put my life on hold for months, keeping a dream alive, which seems to be cracking to pieces now.

I am more sad than angry and I have just myself to blame.

I am strong and I will survive but the problem is that I can’t talk to anyone about what is happening.

I want to talk to someone but I can’t, the reason is I feel ashamed of myself for being such an idiot believing in something that was unbelievable.

Putting my life on hold has been painful and confusing.

They say that you have to keep your dream alive, no matter what!

Yes, you can keep your dream alive but one day you have to admit to yourself that it is too good to be true and just walk away and turn back to normal.

I have tried to walk away but always turned back.

I have told myself that there is something really not right, but I have turned back and chosen to believe.

Sounds mad, doesn’t it?

I am not mad. I am strong and I know my gut feeling. I don´t need anyone to tell me that I have been wrong and the reality does not look like I want it to look.

Nothing has been done that can not be corrected. The only problem is that I need to let go and move on.

I cannot keep hoping where there is no hope.

I cannot keep believing the unbelievable.

I need to move on.

I can be happy and I can wake up every morning looking at my little land and being grateful for the beauty.

My happiness is my responsibility.

I am sad now.

I am almost crying but not quite.

I am rising up but it is not easy.

I am not sick; I am healthy and I will move on

It just hurts so much to look at the dream who was just a dream.

I am hurting now but the next month this day I will be ok. I will heal and I will be strong again and smiling to the world.

This is my day of hurting, but the future is different, it just takes some time.

Hulda Björnsdóttir