The OUTCAST is always the outcast and never good enough !

Some days ago I wanted to see my fathers birthday and I Goggled his name.

What I discovered was what you see here. His name was Björn Jósefsson

My whole life I have been the outcast in the eyes of his family, the one who should never have been borne. The little child that the priest asked not to be named as his daughter but the mother was persistent.

When someone died and the family was named in the newspaper, which is a tradition in Iceland, this little girl was never mentioned.

I thought I had worked through the feelings of rejection but suddenly I broke into pieces when I saw this on Goggle. I cried like my heart was falling apart. I did call a friend who listened to my broken heart and helped me to overcome the sorrow for now.

What I realised was that even though I thought I had accepted the situation the hurt was still there. I was a grown up woman, I knew I could not do anything about this and I knew it was not my fault that my parents made me. I knew the people who went to the other side of the road when I was walking there ,because they did not want to be near the outcast, I knew they were the despicable ones.

In my mind I knew that there was nothing wrong with me, it was the fathers siblings who just could not face reality and thought hiding was the soulution.

Just one of my brothers was kind to me. He was extraordinary kind and helped me when I needed but he never made sure that I was mentioned in public papers as the child of his father. My brother participated in the hiding of the truth.

The “OUTCAST” was mentioned when the last sister passed away. For the first time in decades she was suddenly good enough for a while. Unfortunately this was too late, there was too much rejection and too much hiding.

I thought I had accepted the situation and the pain had gone away. No the pain was still there even though I had accepted the situation. My fathers family hated me. How pathetic!

I have been writing about my life for some time and I have always tried to think about not hurting anyone by telling the truth. When google told me I was still the OUTCAST I got angry, I got disappointed and I got sad, really sad and surprised as well. It would be easy for those who belong to the family now to correct the information about my father. They have not done that. Fine, just don´t pretend you are a friend of mine. You have taken part in the play most of your lives.

I am proud of who I am.

“Björn Jósefsson (1885-1963)Identity areaType of entityPersonAuthorized form of nameBjörn Jósefsson (1885-1963)Description areaDates of existence02.02.1885-25.06.1963

HistorySonur Jósefs Björnssonar skólastjóra á Hólum og Hólmfríðar Björnsdóttur frá Brimnesi. Var í Reykjavík 1910. Læknir á Húsavík 1930. Lauk læknisprófi 1912. Starfaði víða á næstu árum, m. a. í Árósum og Kaupmannahöfn í Danmörku, Berlín í Þýskalandi, … »Relationships areaRelated entityJósef Jón Björnsson (1858-1946) (26.11.1858-07.10.1946)Identifier of the related entity S00710Category of the relationship familyType of relationship Jósef Jón Björnsson (1858-1946)is the parent ofBjörn Jósefsson (1885-1963)Related entityHólmfríður Björnsdóttir (1860-1894) (02.02.1860-22.05.1894)Identifier of the related entity S00711Category of the relationship familyType of relationship Hólmfríður Björnsdóttir (1860-1894)is the parent ofBjörn Jósefsson (1885-1963)Related entityArnviður Ævarr Björnsson (1922-2013) (27. ágúst 1922 – 17. júlí 2013)Identifier of the related entity S02146Category of the relationship familyType of relationship Arnviður Ævarr Björnsson (1922-2013)is the child ofBjörn Jósefsson (1885-1963)Related entityMaría Eydís Björnsdóttir (1921-1930) (20. júní 1921 – 3. júní 1930)Identifier of the related entity S02145Category of the relationship familyType of relationship María Eydís Björnsdóttir (1921-1930)is the child ofBjörn Jósefsson (1885-1963)Related entitySigurður Pétur Björnsson (1917-2007) (1. nóv. 1917 – 13. nóv. 2007)Identifier of the related entity S02139Category of the relationship familyType of relationship Sigurður Pétur Björnsson (1917-2007)is the child ofBjörn Jósefsson (1885-1963)Related entityEinar Örn Björnsson (1925-2015) (8. júlí 1925 – 7. maí 2015)Identifier of the related entity S02140Category of the relationship familyType of relationship Einar Örn Björnsson (1925-2015)is the child ofBjörn Jósefsson (1885-1963)Related entityBjörg Hólmfríður Björnsdóttir (1915-2006) (5. ágúst 1915 – 4. des. 2006)Identifier of the related entity S02141Category of the relationship familyType of relationship Björg Hólmfríður Björnsdóttir (1915-2006)is the child ofBjörn Jósefsson (1885-1963)Related entityJósef Jón Björnsson (1918-1935) (2. des. 1918 – 10. apríl 1935)Identifier of the related entity S02142Category of the relationship familyType of relationship Jósef Jón Björnsson (1918-1935)is the child ofBjörn Jósefsson (1885-1963)Related entityHólmfríður Björg Björnsdóttir (1916-1992) (12. sept. 1916 – 16. mars 1992)Identifier of the related entity S02143Category of the relationship familyType of relationship Hólmfríður Björg Björnsdóttir (1916-1992)is the child ofBjörn Jósefsson (1885-1963)Related entityBirna Sigríður Björnsdóttir (1927-2005) (8. sept. 1927 – 14. mars 2005)Identifier of the related entity S02144Category of the relationship familyType of relationship Birna Sigríður Björnsdóttir (1927-2005)is the child ofBjörn Jósefsson (1885-1963)Related entityIngibjörg Jósefsdóttir (1889-1979) (17.05.1889-09.11.1979)Identifier of the related entity S00715Category of the relationship familyType of relationship Ingibjörg Jósefsdóttir (1889-1979)is the sibling ofBjörn Jósefsson (1885-1963)Related entityHólmjárn Jósefsson (1891-1972) (01.02.1891-05.04.1972)Identifier of the related entity S00797Category of the relationship familyType of relationship Hólmjárn Jósefsson (1891-1972)is the sibling ofBjörn Jósefsson (1885-1963)Related entityKristrún Jósefsdóttir (1887-1978) (14.10.1887-23.08.1978)Identifier of the related entity S00714Category of the relationship familyType of relationship Kristrún Jósefsdóttir (1887-1978)is the sibling ofBjörn Jósefsson (1885-1963)Related entityHaukur Jósef Jósefsson (1915-1999) (11. nóv. 1915 – 3. sept. 1999)Identifier of the related entity S01500Category of the relationship familyType of relationship Haukur Jósef Jósefsson (1915-1999)is the sibling ofBjörn Jósefsson (1885-1963)Related entitySigríður Jósefsdóttir (1886-1901) (26.02.1886-02.09.1901)Identifier of the related entity S00713Category of the relationship familyType of relationship Sigríður Jósefsdóttir (1886-1901)is the sibling ofBjörn Jósefsson (1885-1963)Related entityEinar Jósefsson Reynis (1892-1979) (25.11.1892-16.06.1979)Identifier of the related entity S00798Category of the relationship familyType of relationship Einar Jósefsson Reynis (1892-1979)is the sibling ofBjörn Jósefsson (1885-1963)Related entitySigríður Lovísa Sigurðardóttir (1883-1971)Category of the relationship familyType of relationship Sigríður Lovísa Sigurðardóttir (1883-1971)is the spouse ofBjörn Jósefsson (1885-1963)Access points areaPlace access pointsHólar í HjaltadalHúsavíkControl areaAuthority record identifierS00712Maintained byHéraðsskjalasafn Skagfirðinga (1947-)*Institution identifierIS-HSkStatusFinal”

The woman in this picture is the OUTCAST that you don´t want to recognise too openly.

She is an intelligent wonderful woman who takes care of those who deserve her love. Those who don´t deserve her love have to manage without it. She sacrificed everything for her children and she got shamed and the lies were immense. She has survived and she will continue to be strong as hell but no one does ever again walk over her on the dirty shoes.

Being the OUTCAST has its possible side just as well as the negative.

After falling apart the other day I rose up and became even stronger and more persistent on realizing what matters the most.

What matters most and has done through my whole life ARE MY FRIENDS, my friends who have stood by my side always and never faltered. Without my friends I would not be here and I would not be writing this. One day I might finish the sheet of debit and credit but I might even leave it alone. I have not decided but as my doctor told me yesterday “The PAIN NEVER GOES AWAY, IT IS ALWAYS THERE”

The question is what we do with the pain? Do we let it control our lives or do we survive and become strong and even able to help others in their pain.

Hulda Björnsdóttir

Author: ebemiede2

I do blog about different matters that interest me.

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