16th of august 2020
And another night for telling stories
When I was a teenager I spent one summer at a tiny farm, isolated and away from the civilisation or so to speak. The only way to reach the civilisation was by boat and I went only once to the other side during the summer.
This one summer shaped my soul forever. This summer I learned to dream, I learned to accept the power of the sea and I learned about fatherly love. The love I was given that summer has never left me. I have been nourished by it for decades. I have absorbed the dreams that followed me into the future. The dream was to go to the tiny place and spend a month there in isolation and contemplate on life and existence.
My mentor had given me permission to spend the time on his farm which was now empty and nothing there except the nature and the trolls who live in the mountain above the house. I tried to climb the mountain once and was high up when my friend called and told me to come down immediately. He was not happy with me and scolded me in a gentle way. I promised never to climb again! And I kept the promise.
I did not go to the place again. I fell and broke my back and could not go when I had hoped to and soon after my whole world collapsed. My mentor and father figure and friend passed away many years ago but I still carry him in my heart and he sometimes comes for a visit or I visit his farm in my dreams, sometimes awake and sometimes asleep.
Dreaming is good. Being able to go to the farm and touch the grass and smell the fish in my dreams makes me happy. Being able to sit in front of my friend talking to him and telling him what I would not tell anyone else is a gift from God. “Don´t be afraid my daughter,” he often tells me. He knows my soul and he knows when the fear knocks at my door. I wish I could go there once again and touch the grass and talk to the trolls and smell the sea and re live when he sails in his boat with the groceries he has bought in the little village at the other side of the bay.
Dreaming to be with my friend and talking to him and being able to embrace him and he embraces me, is beautiful. Pictures are fine and some things we experience are groped into our hearts forever. I don´t need a picture to see my friend. His picture is in a special place in my heart and never leaves. He embraces me when I need it. He kisses my tears when they arrive and he tells me everything will be fine. He loves me unconditionally and I love him forever.
Listening to Demis Roussos sing the song “One way wind” always reminds me of my dear mentor and friend. Some winds blow for ever, he whispers in my ear, he walks with me towards the seaside and he tells me the wind blows day after day and never forgets me. He tells me that one day I will understand what he is trying to say just like the wind will blow both ways and blow me away.
Don´t be afraid of dreaming my daughter, he told me.
One day I will be with my dear friend and then I will tell him how much he gave me and how much I have loved him always and how grateful I have always been for everything this summer left in my memory. Just passing by and shaping the soul was his task in my life. How great is that!