.10th of May 2020
Today is a mother’s day!
Normally I don´t like special days like this but now I am going to write something about the day and also remember my mother and thank her for my life.
She carried me for 9 months, she gave birth to me and she took care of me as well as she possible could.
She was not perfect, far from it, but she always did her best and more cannot be asked for or be expected.
She had her sorrows to carry and she did.
I did not know all her sorrows but some I did know and she was a true hero surviving!
I am also going to remember ME as a mother and I am going to look through some of my sorrows.
I have given birth to a child.
I have carried a child 9 months and cared for it, when that child would arrive there would be done everything to prevent it to go through what I had experienced as a child. I gave birth and I gave a life to live and learn.
I always did my best as I have said many times. We mothers always try our best. Sometimes we succeed and sometimes we don’t. I did not succeed. I was not the mother the child expected me to be. I was not perfect, far from it.
If a child finds a new mother, which this one seems to have, I am happy for the child and hope happiness will always be there.
Bitterness and hate are destroying feelings.
Harnessing those feelings is strange, they don´t affect the one you hate, they affect the bearer of them.
I have never hated anyone but I have been badly hurt. The hurt heals, it takes long time and revenge is not an answer. The answer is forgiving me for not being a perfect mother.
Losing a child is traumatic.
Losing an unborn child is horrible but losing a living child is even worse.
Continuing to live and try to learn to love life again is a task that takes a long time, but is possible.
My mother’s day is a day of reflection this time. It is a day of peace and pride. I wish me a happy mother’s day and I ask myself to appreciate the lesson learned through loss and pain.
I did not want to live when I lost my child. I wanted to die. I did not die. I survived. I am a live and I am grateful for my mother’s love to me. She taught me how to survive whatever happened.
Today is MY day.
Today is every mother’s day.
I congratulate us all and I send love and light to all mothers wherever they are in the world.
Hulda Björnsdóttir
My thoughts shared with you 