My birthday is around the corner. How do I feel today?

My birthday is soon.

I will be one year older and wiser!

This year has been full of adventures. I found a perfect gym and I decided for the first time to have a personal trainer to help me to recover. That was a good choice. My physical age became 67 I think and I am truly happy about that. My goal is to continue the good work and become healthier every year.

I broke a rib and my heart has not changed too much, almost the same as last year, great news there.

I fell madly in love and then I got madly heartbroken and cried for days. Eventually I recovered and decided to figure out who I am and why I seem to fall for those who are not there for me! This was interesting and quite exciting. I have figured out a bit who I am but there is a long way to go. Maybe I have trust issues, I trust too much. Putting your naked soul into someone’s hands is risky but sometimes necessary.

Then we had the corona virus.

Suddenly I was alone in the world. I was supposed to stay home and not see people. I could talk to people on the internet and by phone but I could not mix as normally.

The lack of hugs was killing me.

The lack of standing next to people when talking to them was also killing me. I began to take long walks wearing a mask and everything, making sure I did not infect anyone, because of my terrible age I seemed to be a special threat.

For some weeks now I have been meditating regularly and suddenly I have come to terms with who I am and dared to tell something about where I came from.

The story goes on and I will continue to figure me out.

I miss my love dearly every day even though I know it is madness and I should be grateful for being where I am. I wonder why some people are unconditionally attractive, even though not handsome or nice!

I also wonder if the clown is the type of people I am attracted to!

I have no idea but I might figure it out eventually.

I also want to know how an intelligent woman with many years behind her can fall flat for someone that belittles her in every way and how she can have her heart broken into thousand pieces, which by the way are now almost glued together again.  How can something like this happen? Why, and what is the lesson to be learned?

I believe that the teacher arrives when we need him or her. I don´t understand the lesson I am supposed to learn but I may. If I don´t learn the lesson now I will for sure get another opportunity. Was I supposed to learn to stand by me? That would be something new!

In just few days I will turn 75. I don´t feel like 75, I feel more like maybe 55 or something closer to that. I have no idea how a 75 one is supposed to think or behave and I wonder if I will figure it out. Maybe not and maybe I will, time will tell.

What I know is that I want my life back from this virus situation. I want to be able to hug and kiss my friends. I want to be able to fall in love and be even happier than I am now. I want to continue to figure out who I am and learn to love me even more than I do now.

I know I am unique. There is no other like me and there never will be. I know I deserve to be loved and I am confident in myself and know I can express myself fully.

I do love my life. I am grateful for my life and I enjoy every day as fully as possible. I have great friends that help when I need help and I love them all. I am a fighter and I will continue to fight for my friends in Iceland and try to make their lives tolerable.

I am grateful for being able to contribute to my little land (Portugal) in many ways and I am truly grateful for when I am considered Portuguese by the Portuguese. That is the greatest honour, to be told “you are one of us”.

So, my new year, my 75th one will be full of surprises and adventures. I will get my life back. I will continue to be happy and love my life.

This is what I know and this is my contemplation about the 74th year of mine and the expectations for the new year of mine. There is pure joy and excitement ahead and we will all get our lives back.

Hulda Björnsdóttir

Author: ebemiede2

I do blog about different matters that interest me.

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