01.01.2020
Good morning my friends
What a morning it is.
Cold, just 4 degrees and the sun is trying to shine through the veil which is softly covering everything.
The New Year here in my little land arrived without too much noise. 5 minutes here in my neighbourhood and it was over. Not a problem.
I have never liked the extreme firework in Iceland but that’s just me.
So,
This New Year is exciting. I’m optimistic and the feeling is good. I know January and perhaps more months will be cold but that is normal in my little land. Then the spring arrives and everything changes.
I will plant some roses in pots and hope they will grow and be happy in the little garden which I in fact stole in a way. It had been horrible for years and one day I decided no more and the work began. It was expensive but well worth it and now there is a snail war. They think my bulbs are to eat and I am not happy about that but try to kill them softly with love and passion! Garlic is the most effective I think but they also get beer and some of them like it and pass away dead drunk and happy.
Why am I exited and optimistic about this new period of time?
Few days ago I came across some pictures and saw some of the people that have in a way tried to destroy my life. After decades things change and I suddenly felt the sacrifices I have made and the ungratefulness the closest to me showed.
Few days ago I felt the day when I almost LOST my life at Christmas and my friends said good bye to me. The ambulance people came singing but when they saw the situation they got quiet and went quickly to work. I did not lose my life. The doctors saved me. I did have a purpose and I would find it many years later.
The purpose of my life is not what some might want it to be, but it is mine and I am grateful and happy about realising what I can do and how I can do it.
I think I have left the guilt and the pain and in my heart decided emotionally to enjoy what God gave me. It feels real and it feels good.
There are people who teach how to love oneself! Many of these people don´t have proper education but they act as if they do! I am not sure this is how it should be but what do I know I am just an ordinary person?
To learn to work through past experience is a tough road to walk. My believe is that the help should be professional from good doctors or other educated people, not those who have just decided they are the saviours and set up clinics all around the world. I listened to one of those people the other day and that was a revelation. I understood the greed, the arrogance, the ignorance and much more behind the speech.
When we learn to love ourselves we don´t blame others. We accept the lesson we were supposed to learn and we acted on it with dignity, not with blaming others. That is the freedom. I will not be used; I will be freely giving and receiving. I know how to be used but I am learning to stand on my own two feet and not letting anyone use me.
An empty fridge and few coins left me with a strange memory and I felt the sacrifices physically. There is nothing like an experience that shows you how it was and how it has become. Today my fridge is not empty and yesterday I had more than few coins. The trip to the supermarket was strange. It looked like people were buying for the rest of the year. I got what I needed but next week I will go again and it will not be yesterdays madness. Yesterday evening I had a simple healthy meal and that is how I prefer it. I went to bed at 11 and slept during the night like an angel. I remembered the yellow raisins and ate them not at Portuguese midnight but at 11 o’clock. There is a different time in different countries and why not to choose?
This New Year has begun. I don´t make any promises to myself. I just try to be a good person and help those who need my help. That is what makes my life full of joy.
I hope my friends lives will be better this year than it was last year, if that is what they need.
I will learn more lessons and I will become more emotionally than I was last year. What else is there to wish for?
Hulda Björnsdóttir
My thoughts shared with you 