Day 2, I am giving up slowly

12th of January 2023

A new day has arrived and the outside is terribly grey.

Last night I dreamt I lost my teeth and that means someone I care about is going to die.

It’s not a good feeling but I have to accept it.

This morning I felt like a zombie not really wanting to wake up.

It feels like I have given up but somehow, I can’t completely.

I am most likely suffering from depression and don´t know how to handle it.

I have not cried this morning, not so far, but I feel somehow empty and not wanting to do anything.

Yesterday was a strange day, I went to the garage and brought out 25 buckets of water from the floor and was totally physically exhausted which felt in a way right.

The water is coming into my garage so I have to carry it out. It is difficult because of my heart condition. And this was my activity yesterday.

Today I don´t know how I will get through the day. I did not sleep much last night and I could not eat much for breakfast and I should be having lunch right now but I don´t feel hungry.

Yes, you are right I am complaining.

One day at a time I have to survive.

I have to keep in mind that “sometimes all I can do is accept what is – Let go of what was – and have faith in what will be”

I wish this day was over.

I wish this month was over.

I wish I knew how the next month will be.

I hope I get a sign that I can recognise and it will tell me what to expect.

I have to keep up hope but my life has to change.

I can´t keep going like these last months, hoping for something to happen and not truly believing in what will be.

I must keep my mind more or less in order and get through every day.

I am just so tired.

Hulda Bjornsdottir

Author: ebemiede2

I do blog about different matters that interest me.

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