Does a broken soul ever heal?

A broken soul

Being the outcast never leaves a soul.

Just seeing the word and reading the meaning of it can break a fragile soul.

This morning, late in the morning, I saw the word OUTCAST and read the meaning: SOMEONE THAT IS NOT ACCEPTED BY OTHER PEOPLE.

Being born into a world that really did not want you and growing up being rejected by the closest family members, brothers and sisters, leaves a scar that perhaps never fades away.

The memories are there and they are luring like an insect to sting hard.

The memories of the 2 sisters crossing the street when a 10-year-old came walking from the opposite direction. The hurt and the humiliation not to be good enough for the dignitaries!

The humiliation when waiting for the friend and not allowed to wait at the front door, but having to be outside the cellar door at the back of the house, to make sure no one saw the little girl.

Feeling the sun shining and the raindrops, equally wonderful because there were no feelings neither in the sun or the rain, no despicable disgust, just nature and normal.

A little girl who was told to keep quiet while her sisters madness was in control and the little girl was told to sleep.

The memories of the green pillow that was hard on her skin, but she had to lie there so still because everyone was attending to her mad sister, the much older mad sister who controlled everything and everyone when having her fits.

One word, the outcast, brought out not just tears but crying like a heart was braking with sorrow and sadness.

It was not the little girl crying, it was a grown-up woman who had lived a long life and suddenly everything seemed to collapse.

Perhaps the little girl never grew up, perhaps her heart is still just 10-year-old and never grows up.

Perhaps the happiness is not for this little girl, not even when she is on her last chapter of the long journey through everything.

What is wrong? asked someone.

I can’t explain what is wrong. I just feel so terribly sad when I should be happy.

Will a broken soul ever be healed?

Will a broken little girl ever be able to forget and just enjoy the happiness?

I don´t know the answers. I just know that crying is sometimes good for the soul and it eases the pain.

The little girl will never leave, she will always have a place in a heart of the grown up and she most likely will appear again just out of the blue when everything is going well and life should be wonderful.

Why does this happen?

I don´t know but perhaps something is shifting.

The top of the iceberg is just the top. Underneath there is huge clump deep into the ocean. Sometimes the top melts a little but it feeds from the clump underneath and grows again.

Being an oversensitive person is not easy.

Surviving in a world like ours is a miracle.

The shell broke a little today but it will be mended and everything goes on like it did yesterday.

Today is day of sadness and that is ok. There is nothing wrong with feeling sad.

The strength is rising up after falling down and being able to continue.

It is complicated to understand for those who are more or less normal but closest friends and loved ones will learn to be there for the broken souls when they need it.

Hulda Bjornsdottir