4th of June 2021
Today I woke up in the morning so desperately sad. Why I didn’t know, it was just the horrible feeling of something not right in my life.
I have been trying to act normal today. I took a walk and the weather was amazing and beautiful. Clear sky and blue with a bit of wind moving the trees and making peaceful symphony
I was proud when finishing the normal walk without being too tired. I even managed the steapest hill one step at a time and reaching the top without being out of breath
I’m recovering well and that makes me happy
There are some things you can’t share with anyone but you desperately need to share and contemplate.
My way is to write into my computer and if I need to even crying into my keyboard
I wish I could share my deepest feelings and worries with some living person but that’s not possible.
Will I still be sad when I wake up tomorrow?
I don’t know, but I know life is a continuation of lessons and mine is complicated at the moment and I don’t have a solution
I need to trust that everything will work out for the best and one thing I know, I will become stronger every day and everything will be fine
Patience is draining but I need to concentrate on my phisical recovery for the time being and leave the future alone, just for now
I’m not trying to get well, I am getting well.
Trying to means retreating, doing means victory in some form
I am looking for a solution instead of being sure that trusting the highest pover will make sure everything works out for the best.