29th December 2020
Just a thought in the afternoon.
I saw by coincident on Instagram that a former friend of mine had got married.
When someone gets married, I should be happy, shouldn’t I?
I looked at the pictures and I looked at the comments. A lot of nice pictures, white bride and all the companies that made contributions to make her shine were also mentioned. Everything by the book and why am I talking about this? It’s not my busines.
I looked at the pictures and I did not see the shining happiness I saw in the last 2 weddings I attended.
There were smiles at this weddings pictures but they didn’t look happy smiles, more artificial, or that’s what I thought.
Well, this made me think about relationships in general and why people think that abusive relationship will ever change.
Lets just pretend and contemplate about this for a minute. I’m not talking about anyone special I am just talking about the situation in general.
A woman in a relationship for many years with a man who has mental problems might become dependent on the situation. She might believe that everything is going to change if he takes his medicine. He is after all nice, or at least nicer when the medication is in his body.
She might not be a beauty queen and she might be afraid if she lets this old boyfriend go, she would not find another and she would have to spend the rest of her life alone. Would that be reason enough to keep the relationship going? I don’t know.
Let’s say that she is from a loving family and she always believes the best in everything and it is just hidden if it does not show! Does this make her wonder why her boyfriend treats her sometimes badly? Does she think it is her fault? Does she think she is not good enough?
We are not talking about physical abuse, we are talking about mental abuse, and it has been going on for many years. The couple goes in and out, they are together for some time and then she gives up and moves out and now everyone thinks it is finally over.
What happens?
Oh my god, this is so sad. She is again in the situation. He promises to take his medicine, he is nice and loving and she believes that now is the time, now is the time to get married and make a family with the man she has been with since teenager.
They get married, everything is beautiful, everyone is helping to make the wedding as wonderful as you could imagine.
The only thing that is lacking is the happiness in the bride’s wide smiles. The eyes don´t smile. The eyes are sad. The soul knows the truth, perhaps. Will the marriage last? Will they make children and be happy? Will he treat her with dignity and love for the rest of their lives? He promised, but will the illness take over one day and what will she do then?
I wish the couple happiness and I hope they will manage. I hope I will see pictures of the bride with smiling eyes and shining with happiness. I hope my prediction and fear is not real but I am afraid I will be disappointed.
Why do women think they can fix a broken sole?
Why do women think it is their fault that their spouses abuse them?
Why do women walk again and again into the same situation, either with the same individual or just another like the first one?
There is a pattern they know and that’s why they repeat over and over again the same mistake, to trust the abuser’s words.
There is a way out. There is a solution. It takes time and it takes a lot of work but it can be done. Where there is will there is an opportunity.
We sometimes just have to accept that being alone is the best that can happen to us for the time being.
We don´t have to rule out a relationship. We just have to heal ourselves so we can make different choices.
Some people are happy staying single and others are not.
Both are right and both are free to make the right choice for themselves.
I am not judging anything or anyone. I am just thinking and contemplating about life. Everyone can do whatever he or she likes but it makes me sad to see sad smiling eyes at a wedding day when there should be happy smiling eyes.
Just a thought and nothing more.
Hulda Björnsdóttir
My thoughts shared with you 