Standing at a crossroad and a choice to make !

8. August 2020

Today is a day when I arrived at a crossroad and have a choice to make.

My road has been for some time to write about the people in the country I was born in and where I spent most of my life until I moved for good almost 2 decades ago. I have been writing about how the elderly, the handicapped and the poor are treated in one of the riches countries in the world and how the elite rake the money into their pockets, as they have done for a very long time.

I kind of gave up on the fight yesterday and decided to stop the fight and find a new purpose with my life.

I have not found the new me, not yet. I am a fighter and thrive best when striving to help those in need. My question to myself now is if I could be happy without fighting for some course? I have no answer to that, not yet.

My life is far from being empty, it is full of all kinds of adventures and I have goals to reach which I keep alive every day. I know my goals and sometimes I have to adjust a bit but that is easy. I never lose sight of the goal and that is the most important.

What I am writing here is in a way just my thoughts this moment, it could be in my diary and not here on WordPress but I decided to share my thoughts with you my reader.

Thinking, writing and reading about the situation in Iceland takes a lot of energy from me.  Now the situation in the country is terrible for the common public, those who are elderly and do not belong to the richer are struggling more now than they were just last year.

Many have moved abroad, they have fled the poverty and hoped for a better life where it is cheaper to live. This year the currency of the krona has gone to hell. That makes lives more difficult for those who live abroad and only get their pension or their benefits.

I am one of the luckier ones, I moved long before I became senior citizen and I prepared for my last years on this world. Even though I am struggling a bit these days and will be until the end of this year. It is not too bad, and will become ok in January and I don’t worry about my situation. I just changed my plans, adjusted my goals and never lost sight of the moment.

Being happy is important and it takes a lot of energy and work at Covid times. We here in Portugal are doing what we can to survive and we will, it just takes time. We miss our friend’s hugs and kisses, which is a part of our culture, i.e. to hug and kiss the people we like.

It is sad to see our friends pass away and be the victims of the virus. It calls for strength and optimism to survive emotionally but we are doing our best.

It is summer here in my little land and with it comes the horror of fires. Every day now we read about, see on the TV or simply see with our own eyes the horror. We lose our firemen and every Saturday now for several weeks we have lost a fireman. Families are in mourning, the country is mourning the heroes, but we have to go on living for those who are left.

We are strong and we will recover. It will take time and persistence but we will make it to the end. There will be NORMAL again, one day in the future, that is what we believe and what keeps us going.

Sometimes, when I look up from my work at my computer I see the smoke from a fire either close or faraway. This moment and today the sky is clear, beautiful and the mountains are clean. This moment I look at the sun shining on the tops of my mountains and I feel the power and the beauty into my soul.

I need mountains in my close environment. I need the power they send and I observe them and take them into my heart.

I miss some friends more than others. Some friends I think about every day and some friends I dream about during the night. The sub consciousness is amazing. It carries me through wind and oceans to a beautiful place which I love more than others and there I can dwell in my dreams during the night. I can smell the grass and I hear the waves slowly falling in and out at the sea shore. The peace and quiet is there just for me and those I love most, just for a moment in my dreamland which never lets me down.

Dreaming is great. Dreaming makes me keep my eyes on my goals and never lose sight of them.

Some might say that dreaming is not good and it is just stupid. I don´t agree. I believe just as so many scholars during the centuries that dreaming is a must to survive. I am proud of my dreams and I am proud of my goal to live my life alive.

I love my life every day and every moment. I am grateful for what I have and I know that I will always deserve what I get, good or bad. The good is to enjoy and the bad is to learn from and grow spiritually. Life is not always dancing on roses but it is always to live it alive and take every moment as a precious gift from somewhere.

Where will I go from here? I have no idea. I know where I am now, this moment but I have no idea about tomorrow.

I remind me when needed that the past is gone, the future is not there yet but the moment is always mine.

My crossroad is in front of me, I have a choice to make and a decision ahead of me and I am excited to see what my mind tells me the next few days.

Take care my reader and enjoy what you can while you can. Tomorrow might be too late.

Hulda Björnsdóttir