Why I got so angry !

11. July 2020

Suddenly I became terrible angry, out of the blue.

Why?

I have no idea; I am just furious and pissed off. Maybe it’s me looking at me and wondering why I don’t respect me more.

Sometimes I allow people to use me and behave like I am there always when they find the urge to contact me.

I have been like this for a long time, this is nothing new and I have to rise up again. It´s like I go blindfolded and suddenly I come to a hurdle and realise what I am doing.

There is no need for me to be angry with myself even though I fall into the same pit again and again. This is the road to recovery and the road is full of hurdles, some are big and some are smaller, but they are there and when I see them I have to choices. I can walk around them or I can walk straight into them.

Which one is better depends on how strong I am in that precise moment.

The teacher is there. The lesson is there. I am there so all is set perfectly.

Should I or shouldn’t I? That is the big question.

I think I should.

I think I am strong enough to survive.

I am willing to take the chance and loose.

What is for sure, I cannot go on like I am doing now. I have to reset myself; I have reset my dreams a bit and mould them.

I have a dear friend and I know what he would say. He would say, I believe in you, you live your life alive and you can do this!

I don´t even have to hear him say these words, I know him and he knows me and I should trust his wisdom.

Today has been an emotional day for me and perhaps that’s why I got so pissed off suddenly. I did not get the support I should have had and expected. Life is not always like black and white, sometimes there are rainbows with the entire colour spectrum.

Today has been a rainbow day in my life.

Today has been very hot here in Penela, with thunderstorms and heavy rain for a moment. The rain became hail and danced about the terrible dry grass.

The trees drank and now they look happier than ever.

The angels decided it was time for spring cleaning and we got all the water.

Wonderful and the beauty is back. Tomorrow and next 7 days it’s going to be hot here in my little land. It is after all summer time and the heat follows.

Drinking a lot of water and taking care not to go out during the high ultraviolet danger is what can be done.

Tomorrow is a new day. Tomorrow I will be happy and content again.

Tonight I go to bed and dream about fresh start and new adventures.

Hulda Björnsdóttir

Author: hulda9

I am Icelandic but live in Portugal. When I was young I had a dream. I wanted to travel around the world. I wanted to experience different cultures. My dream came true and I went to London. When going through the Chinese display in the British Museum I began to cry. I cried and experienced this longing and sadness. At that moment I knew I had to go to China. Arriving there for the first time I felt finally at home, a feeling I never had in Iceland. In Iceland I was an outsider. My mother passed away and I decided to move. My destination was China. I lived there for a while but had to sell my house and move because permanent residence was not granted to me. I moved to Portugal and that was 6 and a half years ago. In China I taught English and dance. In Portugal I am a retired resident. Now I am 72 years old. I love to write and want to share with you some of my experience in those 2 countries and also just my simple thoughts. Portugal is my final destination on this earth. Even though I have many years behind me, my mind is clear. I enjoy the life and make the most of every day. I love to sing, to study and most of all I love to be alive. I hope you will enjoy reading my thoughts that I share with you.

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