The anger is there but the understanding also
1 st of April 2020
Suddenly I became terribly angry
Suddenly I remembered how you treated me
Suddenly I understood how you had been using me for your pleasure
Suddenly I understood how hallow your pledge of forgiveness was
Suddenly I understood your selfishness
Suddenly I understood your hatred
Suddenly I stood by my side and fought for me
Suddenly you could not use me anymore
Suddenly I was mine and not yours
Suddenly everything made sense
Suddenly I saw how I had allowed you to use me and my kindness
Suddenly everything became clear and I knew you did only love yourself
Suddenly I understood why you were spreading the lies
Suddenly I understood why you blamed me
Suddenly I understood you blaming me was you getting rid of your own guilt
One day at a time you did not drink
One day at a time you worked the steps
One day at a time you asked the higher power to guide you
One day at a time you thought you were listening to your inner self
One day at a time you told me everything was my fault
Suddenly I realised how mad it was to believe a word you told me
You did not love me
You only loved you
I gave you the life
I gave you home and I sacrificed everything so you would not have to walk the same path I did
You blame me for your lack of fortune
Stop blaming me
Take responsibility for your actions and leave me alone.
You tell the people about me but you don´t tell people about you and how you destroyed me
Do I forgive you?
I don´t know!
At least not today.
Mabybe tomorrow and maybe never. Do you deserve my forgiveness? I don´t know.
Why are you helping them after how they have treated you? my boss asked
I have to! I told him
He looked at me at shook his head. No, you don´t have to. You have done more than enough, he said.
I understand his words and feelings now and I am grateful for his support.
My thought for today shared with you who read this is an angry one and it is ok to feel the anger. The goal is to accept it and then throw it in the direction where it belongs