Just a thought – Pain

7th of July 2018

The world cup is on and I sacrificed 24 euros to be able to see the final 8 games. Yes, I know it´s a lot of money but what don´t you do just to be able to participate in the madness?

Anyway, yesterday I saw Belgium and Brazil. What a game! I don´t dare to support any team but to tell the truth I hope England will not win. Why? I can´t explain it.

These days I am tired all the time. I am most likely wasting my blood supply and have to get some help from outside! Although I am trying everything else first, eating the right food, taking supplements and so on.

The weather is strange and one of my dear friends in Norway told me it is Climate change and I believe her.

The summer did peak here in the central Portugal for few days but went on holidays again and has not decided where to spend this July. We do have wonderful spring weather here in Penela but would like to have summer.

Of course Algarve is different and I am not going to talk about that.

I am still contemplating about where I will spend Christmas this year. I still want to go to Denmark but then there is my heart to think about.

Maybe I just stay in Portugal. It is just one day and does not matter too much. December is the month that counts and this one will be different.

I have changed my charity and am not going to spend time with those who have been using me for a while.

Well, back to normality. I was talking to a friend the other day. Our conversation made me pause and think about how terrible grieve can be.

Losing a loved one is painful.

Losing a child is painful.

Losing a spouse is painful.

Losing a dog can be painful, if you have been close.

Every loss is painful, the question is if you let it destroy you or if you survive.

After talking to my friend and feeling her pain I have somehow gone through some of my own pain without wanting to do that.

Maybe the pain never goes away. Maybe we just learn to live with it. Maybe it is just the top of the iceberg we manage and the rest is louring it´s ugly head ready to surface when we allow it.

I have to believe the pain will diminish, it has to.

I have to believe what I told my friend, that the pain is there but it will hurt less, as time passes.

The mind is clever.

It does not let us remember until we can tackle the feeling and we can get one step closer to self-realization.

It is a challenge.

A dear friend told me once that the mind is clever and does not bring up memories until we are ready to look at them, analyse them and accept and let them go.

True friends are rare.

If we have some we should treasure them and be grateful for them.

The conclusion today is this:

Be grateful for everything, accept what happens and become a better more independent person. Don´t let people use you. If they do, they are not true friends and you need to get rid of them.

Sounds simple but is in reality rather complicated if we allow it to be. It does hurt a bit but in the long run it will be one step closer to emotional freedom.

Hulda Björnsdóttir

Author: hulda9

I am Icelandic but live in Portugal. When I was young I had a dream. I wanted to travel around the world. I wanted to experience different cultures. My dream came true and I went to London. When going through the Chinese display in the British Museum I began to cry. I cried and experienced this longing and sadness. At that moment I knew I had to go to China. Arriving there for the first time I felt finally at home, a feeling I never had in Iceland. In Iceland I was an outsider. My mother passed away and I decided to move. My destination was China. I lived there for a while but had to sell my house and move because permanent residence was not granted to me. I moved to Portugal and that was 6 and a half years ago. In China I taught English and dance. In Portugal I am a retired resident. Now I am 72 years old. I love to write and want to share with you some of my experience in those 2 countries and also just my simple thoughts. Portugal is my final destination on this earth. Even though I have many years behind me, my mind is clear. I enjoy the life and make the most of every day. I love to sing, to study and most of all I love to be alive. I hope you will enjoy reading my thoughts that I share with you.

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