When does the orphan become whole?

27^th of June 2018

When does the orphan become whole?

In 2015 an article was shared on Facebook and published in some trash paper.

A woman tells her story or at least part of it. She is 31 years old or maybe 32 years old.

The title is

WHEN DOES THE ORPHAN BECOME WHOLE?

The article begins like this:

“I have been waiting for about 31 year to experience me being whole. It has been a difficult task to balance this life and make it work from the day I realised for the first time that probably I was not in the home that would provide the security and the love which I needed to survive”

I have to say I admire this woman and her maturity. Just imagine being just one year old when you discover that you need to escape from your parents. I assume she was living with a parent or parents. I did not know that geniuses like that existed, but of course I am just an idiot.

The genius continues:

 

“Many people have come to me through my life and told me “How amazing how wonderful you are after everything”

“I have always considered this to be a compliment and thanked the persons with a shy smile like a true Icelander should do. At the same time I have asked myself for a long time when I would experience myself as a whole person and not an orphan with living parents. You see, for the first time this year I dared to say these words out loud. I am an orphan of living parents and you know I don´t have to be ashamed of that. Fabulous! A wonderful feeling you get when you can kind of breathe again. It did not take more than approximately a week to stop freaking out after I dared to say these words and stop being ashamed for my parents mess. It was their mess, not mine, and they had messed up big time, not I”

 

Wisdom from a perfect “orphan child” 32 years old. We should all be happy for the poor 32 year old one; I just wonder when she will grow up!

I have to confess that I admire people who can blame others, without blinking, for their adult life and even go public and be proud of their doing.

Would it not be wonderful if all my difficulties were someone else’s fault and I could hold my head high and be proud to be perfect, because I am perfect and they are not?

Would it not be amazing to be able to put all the blame on those who gave me life and not have to take any responsibility for anything because it was after all not my fault, it was their fault? I am perfect, they are not.

Of course I am not a genius who saw when I was born that I should not be where I was and I needed to escape and find refuge from the bad people who made me!

No, only geniuses think like that from the minute they are borne. Idiots like me see that they are in a perfect place.

There are some idiots like me that believe they are in fact the ones who chose the parents. The parents we chose are perfect. They are the ones who can help us on the path to perfection and self-realization.

I decided who I wanted to be my parents and they were wonderful. I did not always see eye to eye with them but they were perfect for me.

My mother was a wise woman.

One day, I was about 18 years old, we had a discussion, I and my mother. I don´t remember exactly what it was I was complaining about but it was something about my upbringing. Can you believe it? Not perfect upbringing or childhood?

Anyway, my mother told me this and I will never forget the wisdom in her words:

She said:

If there is something in your upbringing you are not happy with it is now your responsibility to fix it.

Yes, she was a wise woman, my mother.

People who have the urge to go public telling how wonderful they are and how horrible those who provided their life are, are pathetic.

These people are trying to ease their guilt.

These people are not whole, they are broken and they don´t want to be healed. They prefer to play the victim. The victim’s role is not easy. It must be horrible to struggle with the conscience and trying to shut her down when she roars her ugly head and there might be something not possible to blame on others.

What is so devastating for people like the writer of the article about the “Adult orphan” is that there are always 2 sides of every coin and maybe the orphan was not perfect after all and maybe that is what bothers the poor thing.

Hulda Björnsdóttir