12th of November 2017
I want to share with you a thought, just a thought.
Pausing and enjoying the moment feels good. It is just this moment and nothing else. Enjoying the sunshine or the shower, whichever it is. Today is a wonderful sunny but cold day.
Sometimes we don´t savour the moment, we are occupied thinking about the past and wondering why we did not make it different. We are wondering about the future, exciting and hopeful.
We forget that the moment is all we have. The past is gone and nothing can be changed there. The future is not here yet, the next moment is the future and this moment shapes what comes.
Living in the now is an art. It makes us pause, and enjoy what is, regardless what was.
Blaming me for not being good enough is useless. I have to remember I always did the best I could and so did we all. Sometimes it was a success and sometimes not.
Being able to look at the past in honesty is a freedom. Blaming is a prison.
Hate eats the soul of the one who hates. It does nothing to the one who the person hates, she or he don´t even know about it.
All our lives experiences shape our tomorrow. Some experiences are wonderful and we should savour them. Some are not wonderful but they are great lessons. They help us to understand and sometimes they even help us to help others.
I have always admired the seamen and the fishermen. They have been my heroes. My cousins were seamen and one of my brothers also. Many of my friends during my live have been fishermen. There is always something special about them. They are strong and wonderful. You can smell the sea in their movement, they walk the wave. Their eyes are sharp and dreamy. They look towards the horizon and when they come to shore they are still seamen.
When I moved to China, many years ago, I met one of my friends on the plane. He was on his way to fetch a new boat and I was on my way to a new country. We talked and he was among the few who really understood my desire and need to follow my dream. This was our last talk. He died suddenly. I savour this last conversation like a diamond. He was looking forward to his new life but it was not quite where he expected it to be. I had my new life in China and it also did not turn out to be quite what I had thought it would be.
Everything can change but that’s ok. We just change and adjust.
Now I am in Portugal, a tiny country which is just a slice from Spain when you look at the map, a long and narrow slice.
My new land is a young democracy and going through many labour pains.
The oldest generation, or at least many of them, don´t know how to read and write. They never attended school. When they tell me about their desire to read and there are tears in their eyes and count my blessings and feel their pain.
Many of them are quite fit. They don´t go to modern gyms. They climb the trees and they work the land. Those who continue to be active live long. There are also those who just sit down and wait. They wait for the unknown but forget to enjoy the now.
Those who keep fit are the happy ones. They cut the trees for the fireplaces and during the cold winters they sit in the kitchen with their families and enjoy the heat. The kitchens are small in the old houses but the fire keeps one room warm.
The houses in my little land are without insolation. They are cold during the winter and hot during the summer. There is no need for insolation, people tell me. All around the country there are old houses, ruins, and often next to them new ones. It is too difficult to rebuild the walls, someone told me. Although I have seen some renovated houses, but they are mostly owned by foreigners from UK or Netherland and few from Scandinavia.
In my road, they are building a house, a big one. Portuguese owners I suppose. I have been following the process. They put polypropylene around the outside. It’s embraced all around with this white stuff, several centimetres thick. On top of it there is a concrete, I don´t know how thick it is, but it covers everything. This is insolation and should keep the house warm, or will it?
I am not sure about the breathing, but I am just an ordinary woman and don´t know anything about housebuilding. At least that was the feeling I got when I asked the builder. He was not happy with my prying.
Living among the Portuguese makes my life exiting. I learn about the history and I learn about the now. A huge difference but both are interesting.
I am happy about my freedom. Every day brings something new, something exciting and something to treasure.
My new land has taught me to value the now. It has taught me to enjoy the moment and not to fret the past or the future.
I am grateful for my friends, my Portuguese friends, in my little land. They make me laugh and they make me happy. I share their happiness and their sorrow.
I am grateful for my freedom from the past.
I can look at the past and laugh about it. I can write about it and laugh even more. There is always something to be happy about, I just have to look and grab the moment.
Hulda Björnsdóttir
My thoughts shared with you 