Breaking free!

2nd of October 2024

Today is the second day of October and it is raining in my little land.

The rain is welcome and everything is fresh.

Working on my mental situation is perfect in the freshness of the rain outside.

From 2020, in December that year, I have been in a limbo and devastation, rising up and gaining my life back, falling many times during this time but always getting up.

The strength is my saviour.

The covid time dragged me down and I mas perhaps more week and easier victim for the scammer. I don´t know if this is the correct evaluation, but at the moment it is enough while trying to understand why I fell for the SHIT.

Writing about it, telling the story is like a therapy. Cleaning the shadows in my heart and soul comes with the openness and honesty when telling how it was.

I´m going to make it through the next months, emotionally, while going step by step through the horror, which it was.

During those years I cried a lot. I got angry a lot. I tried to get free many times but the SHIT managed to manipulate me to feel guilty and not a loving kind hearted person.

I chose to believe he loved me like I loved him, even though I knew deep in my heart that he was just a romantic scammer, using me and my kind heart.

This was my choice and I take full responsibility for it.

I blame him!

I think that is fair.

He was not alone in the scam, he had friends working with him, I got proof of that many times but I chose to ignore it.

There was a pattern, and I saw it, but I always got back and took the blame for the fighting and me blaming him for not being true to me was wrong. He managed to convince me again and again.

There is a question worth contemplating on:

Can a Scammer fall in love with you?

You may ask yourself this. If you’ve been a victim of a romance scammer, its important to understand that this person doe not love you. Their only goal is to extract something from you, most often money. Any promises of love or a future together are manipulations.

I knew this, but I ignored it.

It could be that in the beginning he had intentions to get to Portugal through my help but he was never going to stay with me.

The signs were everywhere but I was blind. I truly fell in love with the SHIT.

Love is blind, even though the gut feeling is screaming at you to listen to the warning signs.

What made me take such a long time to get my freedom was the feeling that perhaps I was doing him wrong. Perhaps he was true. He looked innocent and I felt guilty.

Now, when looking back and going through the communication everything makes sense and the guilty feeling has left me.

The freedom is great. It gives me energy and I am able to live my life alive.

Yesterday I showed you the message he sent where he told me how unloving and selfish person I am, wanting my life back and not helping him more!

Being selfish feels good. Taking care of myself feels good. Loving myself and being proud of myself feels right. My life is back. My normal days are back. I don´t worry about not being good enough. I am good enough and I deserve my love and caring.

Everything I experienced through these years has made me stronger and I learned a lot about myself.

Writing and telling the story is my therapy and it will close this chapter in my life.

Tomorrow, next month, next year and many years to come are the price I get for being strong and eventually standing firmly by my side.

That’s a good feeling.

Hulda Bjornsdottir