The SHIT is haunting me!

11th of September 2024

The road forward is complicated, more complicated than I expected it to be.

The SHIT is haunting me.

When I am writing the story about the time I was in a “relationship” with him I get again and again the feeling that maybe I am wrong. Maybe he is just an honest man.

I know in my heart that I am not wrong but the doubt is still lingering.

I went through some WhatsApp conversations and everything there shouts at me saying ‘you are right” But I still doubt.

What a great actor he has been, to convince me.

When I look at the writing and his English the truth is there in front of me but I still doubt my judgement.

When I look at how limited his conversation is and how the pattern is perfect, when he is supposed to get into the plain and travel to Portugal, something terrible happens and he can not come that day, but will next month.

There is a great act behind his behaviour.

All the documents he sent me are for sure fake.

One of his friends, the one he had talking to me, to convince me that he was not a scam, told me during that conversation that everything was possible in Nigeria.

The SHIT told his friend he could not say that to me! This was a video call!

All the stories about how sick he was, all the stories about him traveling from Ghana to Nigeria, to Benin, to Abuja, to Lagos, and the money he needed for just one more document.

All the stories about the doctors telling him if he could not get money for treatment he would die.

He should have died many times during those years.

I know he is a fake and a romantic scammer, but the feeling that perhaps I am wrong, doesn’t leave me. Not yet.

I got a message from him some time ago where he told me that his Facebook had been hacked and he had deleted it. He asked how he could add me to his new one!

Of course he is not going to add me. I will not accept his friend request if it appears.

He has a profile picture where he is laughing and wearing nice clothes, just a happy person.

Not long ago he told me that he didn’t have any clothes, had no place to live, had to sleep outside and would just die! AGAIN

I see that he has some white women friends and one of them is German and on her pictures, he puts the love sign and a comment about how wonderful she is.

I am wondering if I should warn her about what kind of a man he is.

I am not sure if she is a fake profile, there are no posts and it could easily be pictures from somewhere.

She seems to be rather new on Facebook, her pictures are all from August.

I don´t know what I will do.

I am going to wait a bit and see how this turns out.

The problem is that I still have a lingering doubt in my mind that perhaps I am doing him wrong by accusing him of being a scammer.

He has been telling me that the agent in Lagos still has the money, those 30.000 naira, which he was supposed to use for his visa and finding a job here in Portugal.

There is no way that the money are still with the agent, and I believe there never was any agent.

This is the truth but he has continued to let me believe that he is talking to the agent and she is telling him he just has to get his health back and then he can travel.

Djisus krist, this is unbelievable.

Its unbelievable that I can’t just accept that I am right about what shit he is.

I am telling myself it takes time to recover from such abuse, and I have to accept that and not be frustrated and disappointed in myself.

Forgiving myself for my stupidity is what is complicating the healing process.

At least I am not crying!

Hulda Bjornsdottir