27th of August 2024
The Shit still does affect my feelings
Even though I am free of the Shit it still hurts to talk about the situation I put myself in during the relationship.
Today I was talking to someone about what good came out of it all and took as an example that I did sacrifice everything and sometimes I even didn’t have enough money for food, the money I had after paying my bills, went to the Shit to help him get the documents for traveling to Portugal.
I am going to buy a new car soon and now I am saving for the payment.
What I was trying to explain to the friend I was talking to, was that out of every horror there can come something good, if we just use it as a lesson and we learn.
During the Shit time I experienced a really hard time and in fact I felt like a poor woman, which was new for me and had not been my situation for many decades.
I was making a plan yesterday for my saving to be able to get my new car and estimated how much I needed. I will be holding tight onto my money and not spending anything unnecessary for the next months which is different from the time the Shit was getting all my money, but now I will have enough for me.
This time I have enough to buy food and everything I need and it will be a joy because it is for improving my life in a way (my car is getting very old and it will be expensive to maintain it) .
I am not free of the damage in my soul that the Shit caused .
When I was explaining in a very little details to my friend about my situation with the Shit I almost cried!
The hurt is still in my soul.
I know eventually it will heal, but it is taking time. I have to be patient with myself and give me all the time I need to be completely free.
I am strong but I am thinking about the women who have been in my situation and they have been totally broken and even lost their mind after the Shits abused them mentally. Not everyone is strong. Some are weaker and they are the ones most vulnerable and easy targets for the Shits.
I wish there was something permanent that could be done to extinguish the scammers but most likely it is not possible.
What we can do is tell our story and hope that might help other women.
The strength comes from inside.
The lessons are sometimes hard, but we can use them for something good. My attitude through my life has been to figure out what good came out of the problem and how I can use the lesson to make my life better in the future.
When I manage that, the abusers, whoever they are, loose and I win.
Hulda Bjornsdottir
My thoughts shared with you 