I felt totally useless

20 th of August 2024

As many of you who read my posts know I often say age is just a number!

I think so, but sometimes I have to face the fact that in many cases it is not just a number, it can be a hindrance.

I live in a condominium here in my little land. There are six apartments and as normally is, there are some things that need to be taken care of that belong to the condominium as a whole. The lights, the water, the cleaning and some other things.

To function as it should someone needs to pay for this and in normal life every apartment would pay its share.

In my condominium only 3 apartments take part and pay their share. The other 3 just ignore their responsibility and say they won’t pay anything.

This is not the only problem. I live on the first floor and on the floor above is a Syrian family and they are strange. He does not work, she does not work, they have 2 children and they bought the apartment. They drive an expensive car and they seem to be able to buy new clothes and food, more than anyone family here in the neighbourhood.

He is strange. He drove into my car some time ago and simply shouted at me when I was not happy!

He has not paid anything those years he has lived in the apartment but complains about things that are not how he wants them to be.

They have been on a holiday now for a month, the same every year. I wonder where do they get the money?

The man in the apartment on the ground floor is mad and shouts and screams at the foreigner, me, every time he sees me, so I try to be where I don´t bother him!

Some years I found a company to take care of the condominium and they worked for 5 years and last year they gave up, because they didn’t get paid. 3 apartments do pay but that is not enough.

The other day there came a letter from the company and we owe more than 1200 EUR for water, electricity and cleaning.

Those who do pay said they would not pay anything more and this was the responsibility of the other 3, so I decided to pay the bill.

I can not live with no lights in the stairs and I want to have water downstair to water the flowers. The cleaning of the condominium has not been active for more than a year!

The main problems here are the families that live above me and beneath. I am in the middle and during the winter my apartment is the only one that has heat.

I am not happy with the situation and decided to find a solution and move.

The idea was to rent an apartment, long time renting, and when I had settled down, I would sell my apartment.

My car is 22 years old and its time to change. Someone came up with the solution that I would rent a car. That would be perfect solution for me. I would not have to pay insurance and maintenance and could have a new car!

I began to look at my options and there came the hurdle.

Since I am too old, I don´t have any financially trust.

I could not rent a car, I could not by a car and pay monthly, I had to pay it cash.

I didn’t have any possibility to rent an apartment longtime rent, I was too old for people to trust me.

I went to my bank and spoke to them just to get it all confirmed, because my friends I spoke to didn’t believe me.

Yes, the bank told me I was right. I was completely out of the financial system.

So now its going to be accepting my situation in the condominium, and by the way I do love my apartment.

I spoke to my car man and told him I wanted to get a newer car in January, and I expect to have saved for it then.

There are always solutions, said one of my friends and that is true, I have found the solution, stay in the apartment and put up with the situation, and save for the car! This is ok with me.

But, the reason I am talking about this is that I completely fell to pieces.

I felt I was just thrown out of the community and normal life just because of the age!

I cried and was totally broken for few days.  This was so unfair. I felt useless. The society just threw me away like a rubbish, was the feeling.

When I stopped crying and looked at my situation and contemplated why I felt like this I remembered how I felt when I stopped working many years ago.

I felt totally useless and didn’t know what to do with my life.

Of course, I got over it and moved to Portugal from China and began my new life. Everything changed but I adjusted and became simply happy with my new adventures.

The same is going to happen now. I will adjust and I will accept in a way that I am 79 years old and the stupid system does not understand that age is just a number!

It was good to cry it out, it took the pressure away and I could look at my life with reality and optimism.

My life is good. I am recovering after difficult health problems and I get stronger every day. I have not travelled during the summer months, and I never do because the traffic is mad this time of the year. When the tourists leave, I will go somewhere and experience some new places in my little land, exploring.

The next months will be calm and exciting. Saving for the car is a challenge but I have made a plan and its not too strict.

The main thing is that the mindset and age continues to be in my mind just a number.

Living one day at a time, having faith in the beauty and everything is a piece of cake.

Hulda Bjornsdottir