2nd of July 2023
Today is a new month and I am looking forward to it and also a bit worried.
This month my whole life will change for the better but it will take some time to happen.
In the middle of August, I should be fine and back to normal.
I know everything will work out but it is normal to be a little stressed. I have a lot to plan and the 10 days when I can’t drive will be like a bedrest.
I have made arrangements for what I think is most important and am practicing not to do anything normal for the fist 2 weeks after the surgery.
What worries me most is how difficult it is to accept that I have been used for more than 2 years and lied to about everything.
That hurts and it makes me angry and pissed off.
Its not a good feeling.
It is normal, I know that, and I know I need to give me time to heal. A broken heart is a broken heart, whatever I try to tell myself.
I am intelligent woman and clever. How could I have been so easy to manipulate?
How could I let the scammer control me and lie to me every day?
I am told that this is normal when the scammers get hold of you. I am told there are women who never recover!
I will recover.
I don´t care about the money. They are just money and I am not fretting giving them away.
It’s the emotional abuse I am so angry about.
Why did I not listen carefully to my heart and just end the relationship, which was of course based on lies from day on?
Why did I allow him to manipulate me, month after month?
I will stop asking me those questions eventually, but now they are there and they are bothering me.
I want to confront him and ask if there was ever one true word that came from his mouth?
I am not going to, of course, because he has proved to me that there is no truth in him at all.
I know why he didn’t send me a copy of his education!
He has no education. The is a lie just like everything else.
I have not made a decision what to do with all my knowledge about the group.
I know the pictures are all fake, or staged.
Because of what I know it is complicated for me to accept my stupidity.
Why was I such an idiot?
I still get those thought, WHAT IF I AM WRONG AND HE IS REALLY WHO HE SAIS HE IS?
I do know, for sure that I am not wrong. It is just the hurt that is talking the doubt into my mind, but it will pass.
In a way I knew long time ago that this was all just a joke, but I did not have the courage to end it!
I could have ended the abuse long time ago, but he was to cunny for me at that time.
I truly hope my story will someone else to let go of the scammer and claim her life back.
Until I am completely healed, I may continue to write about it. The process of healing matters enormously.
In 10 days I will be in the hospital and getting help with the quality of my life. That is something to look forward to and a tiny sacrifice to have to take it easy for 4 weeks.
I wish you a good Sunday.
Hulda Bjornsdottir
My thoughts shared with you 